I can't find answers...

Yesterday, after we left our home school posse, I made the comment out loud, "I wish I didn't have to go to work."

DS14 responded, "Mom, of course you don't. Who does?!"

I felt awful. What a terrible example I've been. Its not that my job sucks. It's actually great. Its just the fact, it pulls me away from family more often than I'd like, especially these past several weeks as we try to survive the layoff.

I don't want my children to believe work is something you can't enjoy doing. I need to watch my tongue and instead say things like, "I wish I didn't have to leave and end the fun we're having."

DS10 said, "Mom, why don't you find a job where we can all be together?"

I really wish I could figure that one out. I would love to have a family business with my DH. I just have no idea what we could do.

Its been a challenge trying to keep my chin up. I ask DH what can I do to help him with his depression, but he says there's nothing I can do. He's going to feel this way until he can find a job.

So as the autumn to winter darkness begins to consume more of the daylight, it feels like the same thing is happening in our Sleepyhouse. I can't seem to do anything to make things better, no matter how hard I try.

I want the light to return. I need the light to return. I can't understand why I can't have control of this. I can't understand the timing. I need to see those I love find joy. It is impossible for me to do so, unless they are there with me.

I need a pair of ruby slippers. "There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home....."

After a long day of work, I'm enjoying a relaxing evening at home with my family.

I should be sleeping in but since I can't.....

I'll babble.

Multiply has just stepped over the line. I can ignore most advertisements but they have found my weakness. The Hershey Kiss logo staring at me from the corner is pushing me over the edge! Wish I could afford a premium membership.

Last night we watched a few episodes of World War II in HD. It was pretty good. The boys were really into it, and I know this is because of their gaming. I found it odd to be seeing so much color footage of the early 40's. The soldiers all looked so youthful. Its easy to forget that when you see older World War II veterens. They were fighting all over the world at such a young age.

I'm trying to feel more organized. I know a great deal of the stress I've been feeling since working more hours is because I don't feel balanced. I also worry I'm not getting stuff accomplished because I'm pulled in different directions. So this week I'm writing down each day, stuff I need to tend to. I prioritize the list and if something isn't completed, it gets moved to the next day.

Remarkably, its helped already. Even if I don't feel like I'm accomplishing much, I can review the list and see that indeed I am reaching goals. Plus, my family has stepped up and completed stuff on my list too. I suppose it was a good decision to leave this list out in the open where they could see it. :) Coming home yesterday to the smell of a clean bathroom was a gift!

I've placed "Exercise" on the list for everyday and given it a priority of 1. Its easy for me to place my family's needs and work's needs in front of my own, but I also know that exercise isn't really just for me. By exercising I can stay healthy, which in turn means I'm available for my family and work. I know I've been exposed countless times to illness, and I also know each time I've been able to fight it off. I'm worried this won't continue to be the case though, since my daily walks had disappeared once I began working double the number of hours I had worked before. So now as soon as my work shift is over on Mon-Wed-Fri, I'm exercising, and on Tues & Thurs, I'm exercising after breakfast.

And with that final sentence of the last paragraph, my oatmeal is consumed. So I'm off to change from pajamas to work out clothes.

Darn body clock! Up too early on my day to sleep in.

The Weekend So Far Has Been Great!

Last night was Diva Sista night. The females in our family try to get together at least once a month for a girls' night out. I told myself this weekend I was going to put aside the stress and enjoy my free time to the fullest extent.

It was my cousin's 39th birthday and we went out to her favorite restaurant. It was sort of a Chinese fusion place. I enjoyed a strawberry chicken dish, battered chicken with pineapples and rice in a strawberry sauce. It was very yummy, almost more like a dessert really.

Speaking of dessert, my cousin had not one but two cakes, a traditional birthday cake and a pumpkin cake that was so good! We enjoyed it with cinnamon ice cream! I was so bad!! I will have to try hard to be good today.

We watched a video back at her house, the Proposal. I was probably the only female on the planet who hadn't seen this movie, but living with all men, I don't have many chances to watch chick flicks.

Today I'm hoping we can go used book shopping. We had a coupon for 50% off and I'm thinking we should use this opportunity to pick up a Christmas gift or two. Half off at Half Price Books could mean a great deal. I'm trying to find more opportunities likes this and be more resourceful.

With the unemployment stress, I've found we are only buying what we absolutely need, so in most instances, this means all of our consumer purchases have been at the grocery store. I haven't set foot in Target in over a month. Surprisingly, I really don't miss it, but then I was never a shopper.

Today I'm also going to take some time and try to plan a schedule for myself. I'm not a schedule type person, but with working more hours I've lost my exercise routine, and that is not good. I'm so grateful I've been able to stay relatively healthy, but I know if I don't get back to exercising, this will change.

I better get going. The rest of my nest is starting to wake up. I'll have to ask if they want Mancakes for breakfast.

I'm enjoying a beautiful, quiet morning, and I can feel the day is full of wonderful potential!

I am a lightweight. Family Fun Night wasn't much fun because I was ready for bed at 8:30pm. I was exhausted & it felt really dark out, so I asked the boys if we should lay down and watch a movie. They looked at me strangely and then pointed out it was only 8:30pm. Why did it feel like 11:30pm to me? Oh.... I also broke down and ate raw garlic again. My sore throat started to come back. This morning it feels much better. I don't care how I smell!

I am sleep deprived and ready to curl up under a blankie and watch mindless TV, but first a warm, relaxing shower. But wait! DS10 just told me, "Mom, do you know what we need? Chocolate Crunch bars!" Where's the Halloween stash?

Lunch is tasting pretty blah without the garlic.

Thoughts....

Yumi is driving me crazy, meowing, pawing at the door. I don't understand why she thinks she's an outdoor kitty when we've always tried to keep her indoors. Plus its freezing out! I know she is bored I haven't been able to pester her.

Animal crackers and hot chocolate feed the soul.

My nest is not complete. DH has left to spend a few days with his mom, helping her fix her basement. I won't see him again until late on Saturday. :( I know he'll be in good hands though.

Wishing my mind would focus on things other than work and financial stress. I just want to take control of it all and know its all going to work out.

Yesterday, my boss was standing over my shoulder and she said she smelled garlic. When I went to kiss DS10 goodnight, he said I smelled like salami. DH confirmed it, I need to cut back on the raw garlic. I swear its been keeping me from getting sick though!

Wish I had the time to really focus on cleaning my house. Now that its getting colder and we have to close things up, I'd feel better knowing things were really clean.

Last night a little boy tinkled on my desk at work. I'm sure his parents were mortified, but in hind sight, maybe its not a good idea to stand your child up on the desk instead of the floor? Thankfully the puddle didn't hit me or my notebooks and we had disinfectant on hand. Another parent watching me clean it up said, "At least it wasn't puke." True. There are much worse things to have to clean up.

In about 24 hours I can relax a bit. During the next 24, there's a span of about 9 hours when I'm going to feel guilty and worried. Its unavoidable.

Looking forward to the comfort of friends this afternoon. It will make those 9 hours easier.

Better get a move on. Daylight's a wasting.

I'm working crazy hours again. If I don't stop by your page the next few days, I'm sorry.

Dealing With My Faults

I know I'm suppose to be taking this moment by moment, day by day. I'm just not feeling it. Its easier to worry than hope, and I know this is one of my faults.

This unemployment experience is really bringing my faults to the surface and forcing me to deal with them. Yesterday for example, I was feeling stable until my son pointed out on Facebook a co-worker of mine was wondering where I was. I had driven the pool car home, like I've done the past week or so, after delivering marketing. Apparently my boss was wondering when I was returning because she needed the car. Last week she told me it was ok for me to drive the car home on the days I run marketing out.

My reaction was one of tremendous stress. The last thing I want to do is upset my boss! I freaked out. I immediately tried to call my boss but got her voice mail. Panic began to set in until DH pointed out, no one had attempted to call my cell phone or home phone. Why rely on a Facebook update if she really needed the car? They could have called me if they really needed to get a hold of me.

What I'm struggling with is my reaction. I should not have stressed out. I think it ties in with the fact I feel lately I have no control over my circumstances. I hate this! We're 4 weeks in and bills are coming due. Its becoming more real now.

I so want my old life back, and I'm sure that's another fault of mine. Refusal to mourn, let go and move on. Maybe I'm suppose to work this thing in stages, riding up and down.

I feel like I can't take control and steer this ship where I want it to go. Its it the lack of choice, timing or my failure to get creative?

I'm grateful the boys are doing very well. They really haven't been effected at all. I can see how they support each other when DH & I can't be there, and that is a wonderful thing.

I try to take full advantage of the time I can share with them. It is apparent to me they need me less, but on the other hand, I don't want to be pulled too far away from them.

I better stop the soul searching and get moving. Action will make me feel better. It may be important to sit and think at times, but I shouldn't over think this.

Its happening. They are surpassing me, as they should. I'm proud they are figuring more things out on their own. I know I'll be needed in other ways, and it will be a plus I can start to ask them for technical help instead.

Sorry the weekend is over, but anxious to move on...

Aren't these beautiful? My DMIL has quite the green thumb. The bees were very happy to have one last delicious drink before winter comes. It was unseasonably warm today, almost reaching 70. We took full advantage of it, and enjoyed a stroll along the lake front.

I love Lake Michigan's lake front. We don't live near an ocean, so for me, this is as close as I can get. When I look out at the big spans of water, I can't help but feel my nautical ancestors calling to me. I've always pictured myself living near water and trees. Maybe someday.

I'm sorry to see the weekend come to an end, but anxious for the week to get moving. I'm praying DH gets a call this week for an interview. We're heading into our 4th week of unemployment. We have an appointment this week for food and health care assistance. If we do qualify, I understand it may still be several months before the benefits kick in. Our appointment for energy assistance isn't until the end of January. At that rate, winter will be over by the time that kicks in. The wait list is very long, and I'm sure its because the unemployment rate is very high in our area.

We tried to unload a car load of stuff at Goodwill, and I was surprised they refused to take any toys. The only toys they will take are brand new, in the box, never opened. I'm going to try another charity like St. Vincent's or Salvation Army.

I found out my sister had full blown H1N1. She lives 3 blocks away and she never called me. I'm sure it was a rough week for her, but I was hurt she never called. I would have liked to have had the chance to help her out, making meals or something. She actually never calls me. Its always me calling her. Of course she's very quick to call my other sister and gossip about me. I'm seriously taking a good look at my side of the family and realizing our relationships are not what family should be.

Maybe its because of the closeness I have with my husband, children and mother in law, but I can't help but compare what they offer me compared to what my birth family offers.

When I was younger, I thought it was me. I was the "EMO" child and the rest of my family just made fun of me or rolled their eyes. I only remember my father's mother being like me, and I watched as they made fun and rolled their eyes at her too.

"Will you stop your crying and carrying on!"

I can remember my Grandmother talking to me alone in her kitchen. She'd tell me I was special. She'd say things like, "Don't let them ever get you down. You are special!" We had that bond of both being emotional creatures. I lost my Grandmother while I was in high school. Thankfully, I met my husband shortly there after.

I'm so grateful for my husband, my children and my mother in law. They always lift me up. I cherish the time I have to spend with them. I know this week that time will again be limited as I try to put in extra hours to help. I so desire to go back to my old schedule, working 3 nights instead of 5 days. I miss being able to unschool myself on things that interest me.

I know I'm being selfish and most people don't have the luxury of working part-time, but you have to understand I didn't find true peace and happiness until I began unschooling with my children almost 11 years ago now. I was a nervous, anxious mess when I worked full time and tried to balance being a wife and mother.

I have a gift for being very patient. I was born to be a parent, and I'm frustrated my role in this capacity is being deminished. 

If you've made it to the end of this babble, thank you for listening. I've decided to live honestly and make my life an open book, because one day, all truth is revealed.

Buttermilk biscuits (not cookies)

Description:
I made these to go with our stew. You'll get your hands dirty but they are easy to make and bake up pretty tasty.

Ingredients:
2 C flour, plus a little more for pressing out the dough
4 t baking powder
1/4 t baking soda
3/4 t salt
2 T unsalted, chilled butter
1/4 C vegetable shortening
1 C low fat buttermilk, chilled

Directions:
Heat the oven to 400F

Whisk the dry ingredients in a large bowl- flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt

Using your hands, mix in the butter and vegetable shortening into the dry ingredients until everything is crumbly.

Add in the butter milk and stir until the flour mixture is absorbed and dough forms.

On a floured surface, knead the dough until it is soft and smooth.

Press the dough flat to a thickness of about 3/4 inch.

Cut apart into biscuits or use a biscuit cutter. I like to just cut them apart and not deal with the scraps. It doesn't bother me that every biscuit is a different shape. In fact, its more fun that way if you ask me.

Place them on a baking sheet, sides almost touching but not quite.

Bake for 15-20 minutes

Simple Slow Cooked Beef Stew

Description:
My husband was craving Dinty Moore Beef Stew. EWW! My mother gave me a recipe for beef stew but it involves using an old fashion pressure cooker- too much trouble for me. I found this recipe and it was so easy and simple, I knew it had to work.

The stew came out perfect. I threw in a few extra potatoes and half a large onion I had left, to make it go a little farther. Next time I make it, I'm adding mushrooms!

DH said he could eat this beef stew everyday, so it looks like I won't have to buy that Dinty Moore crap! :)

Ingredients:
1 pound beef stew meat - 1" chunks
2 Cups of potatoes- cut into chunks - I leave the skin on because I like it.
4 medium carrots- cut into 1/2 " chunks (about 2 Cups)
1 Can of condensed cream of potato soup- 10 ounce size
1/2 C water
1 envelope (or half of a 2 ounce package) onion soup mix

Directions:
Place the beef stew meat chunks into your slow cooker. Add the potatoes, carrots and any other veggies you like. In a bowl, mix together the condensed potato soup, the water and the onion soup mix. Pour the mixture over the beef and veggies and stir.

Cook on high for 4 hours or on low for 8 hours.

Don't expect me to organize my thougths...

Life for me lately has been unpredictable and with that comes an unpredictable mind.

I'm finding myself dreaming lately of what life will be like once DH's unemployment is over. I'm making all these plans. I keep dreaming him in a better job where he's happy and the money is comfy, and by comfy I'm talking he'll make as much as he made before or more so. :)

I felt we were living frugal before, but now I can see we could have done much better. The more you have, the more you have to lose. My goal isn't to have more, but to DO MORE, once we're through this lay off. I'm sure this is the lesson I was suppose to learn from this.

I'm going to put away the Halloween decorations today and start to bring out Christmas. Yes, I know its still weeks away from Thanksgiving, but there is a special set of Santas I want out.

Today is the anniversary of my cousin's death. In the years before she lost her battle with cancer, she hand painted a Santa figure for everyone every year for Christmas. I cherish the collection I have, and it reminds me to be more like her in spirit. Donna loved family and loved Christmas. The Santas are coming out today.

I'm also looking forward to making home made, southern style biscuits. Wish me luck because I've never attempted them before. I think I'll also try a beef stew slow cooker recipe.

I don't miss eating out at all, but the challenge has been time. Working more hours, my domestic Goddess role has been diminished. :)  I miss my primary role in household management. There are some things that just need a woman's touch, no offense to my awesome husband.

I'm hoping to stretch my legs this weekend as well. I miss my walks. We're suppose to have warmer weather, in the 60's, so it will feel good.

I'm going to enjoy my nest today! I miss being a Domestic Goddess.

I can feel it. The weekend is getting close!

Khan Academy

http://www.khanacademy.org/
The Khan Academy is a not-for-profit organization with the mission of providing a high quality education to anyone, anywhere.

We have 1000+ videos on YouTube covering everything from basic arithmetic and algebra to differential equations, physics, chemistry, biology and finance which have been recorded by Salman Khan.

The Khan Academy and Salman Khan have received a 2009 Tech Award in Education. The Tech Awards is an international awards program that honors innovators from around the world who are applying technology to benefit humanity.

I have to open and close the pool today. Crazy schedule, but I'm grateful for the added hours on my paycheck.

Made it out for a long walk. Felt so good! It had been too long.

Trying to Look On The Bright Side, Not The Dark...

On my way to work, I passed a car engulfed in flames. I noticed a moron trying to photograph it with her phone while driving 65 mph. On the bright side, I wasn't late for work and she didn't crash into me while taking the photo.

Spent most of my day on my feet, over a huge vat of steamy hot dogs in a humid 90 degree room. On the bright side, it was actually easy money.

I came home and made two versions of mac and cheese, one healthy and one gross blue box. Finally got off my feet. Two bites into cheesy bliss, the projectile vomiting began. On the bright side, he saved me from over eating while tired.

Who knew Flavor Blasted Cheddar Gold fish could really stain carpet. On the bright side, DH was there to help me clean up.

Once DS10 made it the 15 feet to the bathroom, his aim didn't improve. On the bright side, the bathroom is VERY clean now.

Nothing really went according to my plan today, but on the bright side, it is now over with!
 

I'm so grateful for Lysol.

Heading to work dressed as Mother Nature. Do you think the sun will listen to me if I ask her to shine strong and warm things up? Maybe I need to speak to my Heat Miser Son?

Wow. 30 minutes into trick or treating and we've only had 3 visits. We usually have over 100+ kids during the two hours our town designates. Is it H1N1 scare?

Feeling Optimistic

Today was better. My work went smoothly, with more businesses agreeing to display our pool brochures. Wednesday I had about a 50% rejection rate, but for some reason, it went much better today. Maybe it was a better part of town? (Less snooty.) DS14 is still embarrassed I've got the pool car parked in the driveway. I'll have to take a photo to show you tomorrow morning. Its a Volkswagen bug that has been wrapped with photos from our pool. My boss' adorable son in on the back window. Its an attention grabber, but that's the whole idea.

I came home tired, but it was good to be with family again. We had Mancakes for lunch and played games and watched scary movies all afternoon.

DH has more job leads, so I'm praying soon something works out. He went to a networking cocktail party, even though he doesn't drink. He made a few connections but an awkward moment happened as he was trying to leave the party. His inebriated ex-boss asked him, "So, is Dawn pissed at me." He thought for a moment about just lying, but for some reason out of his mouth came the truth.

I felt badly. DH said his ex-boss looked like he was going to break down. Maybe it was the alcohol, but I still felt bad that I had that effect on someone. I'm really hoping Sean can find work and we can put this all behind us. I'll even invite the ex-boss over for supper, once we can afford it!

Tonight we made home made pizza. We're getting more used to cooking and eating all of our meals at home, but I think the boys are starting to miss dining out. We used to get take out twice a week and go out for one sit down restaurant meal a week. Funny thing is, I'm not missing it. The only thing I'm looking forward to again is being able to buy what we want at the grocery store without worrying about it.

I don't mind cooking. In fact I'm excited that next Sunday, DH and I have a "date" to try and make real biscuits together. I'm talking the flaky, shortening kind! Sure they won't be healthy, but we need a treat every now and then, and they'll go great with a Sunday chicken supper. I'd bake them up this Sunday, but I'll be working. I have to put in the time if they have it for me.

Sunday at work we're having a Halloween pool party. I'm thinking of dressing up as Mother Nature. I can't be anything scary because we have little guys that come to the pool. I'm thinking the first half of the party will be crowded. We have over 110 kids signed up for swimming events. Come 3:00pm though, it could clear out. Sunday is the big game in Wisconsin. Packers versus the Farve Vikings. As for me, I'm a Bear's fan. :)

Tomorrow I'm going to sleep in. Although I enjoy working the opening shift because I get so much done, its so dark in the mornings. I don't want to think about what it will be like to get up when its COLD and dark.

I'm looking forward to the boys enjoying dressing up and trick or treating. We have a great neighborhood for it. Afterward, we'll watch scary movies including, Attack Of The Mushroom People! I love cheesy horror!

We're blessed because DMIL will join us. I'm also excited because she is bringing a new to us vacuum cleaner! Ours has been broken for two weeks now. Who would have thought I'd be looking forward to being able to vacuum the floor!

Its life's little blessings that are sustaining me these days. I still have moments, but overall, things feel more positive.  I just hope we can keep this going and bring prosperity rather than worry.

The pumpkins have only hours left. I don't think the governor will call. Mwahaha!!

Still On The Roller Coaster

I'm still trying to adjust to the changes in our lives since Oct 15th. The world hasn't ended, there's plenty to be thankful for, but I can't feel settled. Its the certain uncertainty.

I'm struggling to find balance again. Working more hours, not being around my kids, I feel like I'm losing a connection. I know they are benefiting from having dad around more and for the most part, their lives have not changed, but I miss not being able to share so much with them.

My calorie counting and exercising have been nonexistent this past week, something I KNOW I need to work on. I need to find a new routine, a new groove, instead of waiting to see where things will lead.

I used to enjoy planning for future fun, but now I don't feel confident making those plans. I don't know if the resources will be there, plus I can't guarantee if we'll be in the mood to enjoy it. Take Halloween for example. I can't believe its only days away. There's no excitement. Maybe its because we can't buy pile loads of candy, and we've canceled the post trick or treating party, but I think its more so because I haven't had time to get into it. I haven't had the time to decorate, do crafts and bake ghoulish treats. I'm worried Christmas will be like this.

I'm grateful the tree is already paid for and a few gifts did get purchased before the lay off, but I'm worried I won't have the time or spirit to give my family a warm, wonderful Christmas.

I'm hoping that in a few weeks, this new routine will feel better. Of course reality will hit after that first huge mortgage chunk comes out without the usual paycheck muscle we were blessed with before. That could make me stop mourning the loss of my free time because I'll have another loss to mourn- financial security.

I'm still on the roller coaster, only now it seems a little less up and down. I'm still unsure what lies ahead, another drop? But at least in a strange way the emotional game of job loss is getting predictable.

Why is my cat constantly hacking but nothing is coming up? She is refusing to eat the hair ball goo. Maybe I'll just smear it on her fur. She's mad at me already.

A quick post on what's up...

So much going on, so little time to blog.

I'm working more to help bring in more cash flow. I'm now driving to the pool 5 days a week. 3 mornings I leave the house at 5:00am to open and 2 days a week I'll still close. I don't want to think about how this is going to mess up my body clock. I should throw a sleeping bag and change of clothes in the car this winter just in case.

DH is meeting with an old client in the hopes he can freelance, but its not a permanent solution. It could pay better than unemployment though. I'm praying something comes along.

The boys lives haven't had to change and for that I'm grateful. I was worried having DH home more would change our unschooling, but its only enhanced it. Lately our favorite game has been Repeat Or You're Obsolete. We received it as a thank you gift for bird sitting. Its a memorization game everyone in the family can play. DH is really good at it, of course he's always had an amazing memory.

In some ways, I think because we are homeschooling, it's helping him get through this difficult time. I know it helps him when he can help us, even with small things. Everyone wants to have a purpose in life.

Yesterday we visited the zoo, and I took the photo of the Timber Rattler you see above. I think they are so beautiful. Its one of only 2 poisonous snake species in Wisconsin. The zoo was having a Halloween event so a little extra fun was to be had that day. The zoo keepers carved a pumpkin with several holes, they loaded the pumpkin with snakes, and then the snakes came slithering out of the holes in the pumpkin. It was very cool and creepy!

We we hoping to carve our pumpkins, but we ran out of time yesterday. Maybe tonight we'll get to it.

I have to get on the ball and finish the doughnut costume! My sewing machine is completely locked up so I hand stitched what I absolutely had to and now I'm painting the rest. DS14 still hasn't decided if he'll dress up. I know he wants the candy though!

I better get a move on. I just wanted to check in, jot a few notes and say a quick thank you to everyone praying and thinking positive thoughts for us. Take care of yourselves!

I'm in the twilight zone and I'm not referring to vampires.

Whole Wheat Banana Oatmeal Breakfast muffins

Description:
3 Days a week, I have to get up way too early. On those mornings, I'm planning on enjoying these muffins for breakfast. I tweaked the recipe to make it more healthy.

Ingredients:
Dry ingredients:

1 C whole wheat flour
1 C Oats
1/4 C sugar
3 t baking powder
1/4 t salt
1/2 C dried cranberries
1/2 C chopped dates

Wet ingredients:

2 mashed ripe bananas
3 T applesauce
1 egg
1 C skim milk

Topping - cinnamon & brown sugar - spoonful of each mixed together


Directions:
Preheat the Oven to 350. Spray a muffin tin with non-stick spray. Mix the dry ingredients in on bowl, and the wet ingredients in another. Add the two mixtures together and don't over blend. Fill muffin cups 3/4 way full and top with cinnamon brown sugar topping.

Bake for 15-20 minutes

Hoping to get out and enjoy the sun today, I'm thinking maybe the zoo.

Counting My Blessings....

1. We have a modest house, with a modest mortgage payment that thankfully the unemployment checks will cover. God put us here for a reason.  Even if we can't pay all the bills, we won't lose the house.

2. I'm not getting full blown sick, but keeping this at a very manageable, tiny annoyance of a cold. Veggies, honey, apple cider vinegar, raw garlic and Emergen-C are my immune system's best friends.

3. My friends! Prayer warriors, positive thinkers- I love you all!! I truly can feel how your prayers and positive vibes are lifting me up.

4. My job! I am so blessed to be working for great people!

5. The changing colors. The leaves, still on the trees and on the ground are both so beautiful. I really noticed the huge variety of colors today and it inspired me.

6. The gas station had sugar free french vanilla cap, any cup size I wanted for .99 cents!

7. Its not snowing, just raining.

8. Take and bake Infusinos cheese pizza

9. Tea lights, candles and lanterns in my living room making my nest cozy

10. A weekend full of possibilities!

Feeling better- looking forward to spending time with my family, sewing a giant doughnut and working from home a bit. After you hit bottom, everything is up from there.

Was actually feeling like I was recovering very nicely until that panic attack truck hit me last night. Now my emotional break down has given the virus the upper edge. Wish I could just curl up in a ball for a few days, but that's a no go.

By the time my day ended yesterday, I knew I was getting sick, no denying it; chest cough and congestion, headache, achy "Don't touch me" skin. I ate a huge bowl of steamed veg and threw in a raw, smashed, minced glove of garlic. Went to bed and its amazing how much better I feel this morning! Don't get too close. I don't care if my breath stinks! I'm going to nibble on raw garlic all day!

We're trying to mull through it all...

Today's the first day DH didn't go to the office. He's not home though. He's helping his friend and ex-coworker install software on his home PC. They are hopeful they can perhaps do a bit of contract work from home to help make ends meet. His friend is in the same boat, a family man living paycheck to paycheck.

I got pissed off yesterday when I learned DH's EX-boss expected him to file for unemployment, but if work did come in, he would call him back and pay him hourly. I think he believes it could work like it does for seasonal construction workers. Well, apparently, a client contacted DH directly and asked if he'd work on his project at home. DH's EX-boss didn't like that idea because of course, he wouldn't get a cut. You see the EX-boss still has loans to pay and if DH works as an independent contractor, it makes DH the competition. The EX-boss would rather pimp out my husband.

I'm so digusted, I wish DH would just sever all ties, however he still is having trouble saying goodbye to his other team members, who also are getting screwed by the EX-boss. They may try to work on one last project together for a little extra cash, but the reality is, none of us have the resources to set up our own design firm.

Its been scary as I write out bills that I know we will have trouble paying next month. I think after the next two weeks, we'll have to start dipping into savings. DH has filed for unemployment, but we're thinking this is not going to be enough to cover everything. What scares me is hearing stories of how it could take months if not years, to find work. I can't fathom how we'd be able to survive past 3 months. We could end up destroying our credit rating, which ironically, potential employers now look at when they are determining whether to hire you! Talk about a catch 22!

I think all of this is beginning to effect our oldest son. He seems down, but in typical teenage fashion, when I try to ask him what's wrong, he says nothing. I know DH and I must model a good attitude and stay positive. This could be a huge learning opportunity for all of us.

Woke up with a cough. My mantra today is- I cannot get sick. I cannot get sick. I cannot get sick. I'm mixing up honey and apple cider vinegar and hoping for the best!

In honor and remembrance of my friends and family who have fought the fight, I'm off to squish the girls today!

Heading out to meet high school friends for lunch. I haven't seen them in over 10 years. It feels a little strange, given my current stressful situation, but I suppose it will be good to get out and enjoy a distraction.

I think its safe to blog now....

The news is out where it needs to go, so close loved ones won't have to read it here and be shocked. Funny how DH asked me ,"Did you Facebook the news yet?" No! I can show restraint!

On Thursday, DH was given his paycheck with the words, "Here's your paycheck. Its probably the last one I can give you for awhile."

Its very strange. His boss has run out of money for the company. This would mean a lay off right? Well, the boss also said there is a slim chance the client they are working for right now, may be able to "pick up your salaries." So is he laid off or isn't he? The reality is, they have all this work completed, and more they could do, but the clients are not paying their bills.

I'm very frightened. DH is the main bread winner. I only work part time. I know this is happening all over the country, and we're not the only family going through this, but I can't shake the depression I'm feeling.

Added to this stress, I've been betrayed by a close family member. When you say to someone, "Out of all our family, you're the only one I can tell this to because I know you understand and won't criticize me like the rest of our family would,"  you would think this means, its a secret, don't tell anyone! Well, she blabbed and what I feared would happen, did indeed happen. So now I'm struggling with having to find forgiveness.

Its not like I was going to keep this secret from the rest of my family forever. I just needed the chance to choose the best timing.

I come from this anti-emotional family, that believes picking on you is a sign of affection. I'm wired completely the opposite. I will say out loud, "I love you," several times a day. The family I grew up with, never uses these words with each other. Out of all my siblings, there was one who could understand me, and now I'm pissed off and feeling betrayed by her.

I thank God I have my husband, my children and my mother in law.

Of course the Christian Universalist in me knows, we are all bound together. Friends or enemies, we have no choice but to spend all eternity together. This is why God tells us to forgive all, and the greatest commandment is to love all.

I know no one is perfect and all of humankind has the potential to fail you. People are broken. They can try their best, but its never going to be good enough. So I need to forgive everyone, love everyone and realize there really is only one I can turn to who won't fail me, God. And because he loves everyone, he isn't going to choose sides. I have to get over this sibling rivalry and remember, one day, I will have to sit next to the person who wronged me. If I don't forgive them and love them unconditionally, how will I have peace?

I may feel like the world is crapping down on me, but I can open up an umbrella. I'll use life's accessories, (blessings),  to get me through this storm. 

I'm guessing this stress headache is trying to tell me, "Dawn, take care of yourself. Its okay to stop, have a good cry and do something nice for yourself."

13 Thursday Thoughts

1. Saw "INFYDL" yesterday on a special military honor plate. I thought that rocked! I'm a peaceful person, but I had to admire this veteran's moxie.

2. Not enough of one kind of cereal to make one whole serving- I'm having a cereal buffet for breakfast.

3. I should design a bowl with separate compartments, that still allows for milk to flow through.

4. Wow. Even while composing your blog post, Multiply has found a way to throw advertisements at you. Am I subconsciously being hypnotized to buy "Tousle Me Softly"?

5. Wondering if I'll ever find the time to plant bulbs, of course do I really want to dig out in cold, 40F, wet weather? Ground squirrels are probably hoping I do.

6. I'm tired of all the H1N1 flu scare crud. Now people are jumping on the bandwagon, claiming to have Swine Flu when they really don't. There are lots of other viruses out there, and news flash, we don't have vaccines for all of them! Just follow healthy habits and get over it. (I mean that both literally and figuratively.)

7. I'm worried our naughty parakeets, Gust and Tornado, will teach Gilbert, the parakeet we're babysitting, bad behavior. Gilbert is a sweet bird, but by the time his owners return, he'll be ready to star in a Hitchcock remake.

8. How can October be half over? I haven't even started sewing costumes yet.

9. It doesn't seem fair. I've been eating religiously healthy all week, and my once clear face is beginning to break out. DH thinks its all the good stuff pushing out the toxins. Why does it have to push it out on my face!

10. I should pay bills online after I finish this. Eh...

11. DH shocked me by telling me he would consider moving to Vegas. He'll have to go without me. I'M A TREE GIRL!!!

12. I fear I may go to Costco before work today. Darn coupons!

13. Time to put on the exercise gear and Demand a little a Runway.

Baked Whole Wheat Shells & Cheese

Description:
UNBELIEVABLY DELICIOUS! You would never know this was only 260 calories a cup with 12 grams of protein. Its comfort food you don't have to feel guilty about. It comes together pretty easy, there's no reason to buy yucky store bought mac and cheese dinners. Serve with a large side of vegetables for a complete meal.

Ingredients:
1 T Smart Balance spread or other butter substitute
2 T flour
1 T garlic powder
2 C skim milk or non fat milk
1/2 C shredded low fat cheddar cheese
2 T grated Parmesan cheese
2 C cooked whole wheat shell pasta or use traditional elbow pasta
1/2 C Italian seasoned bread crumbs


Directions:
Preheat oven to 350
Spray a 6 cup baking dish with non stick cooking spray
-In a saucepan, melt the Smart balance and stir in garlic powder and flour, cooking for one minute
-Whisk in the milk, and bring mixture to a boil
-Reduce heat and simmer 5 minutes
-Remove from heat and add the cheddar cheese and Parmesan cheese
-Stir in the cooked pasta
-Transfer the mixture to your prepared baking dish and top with bread crumbs.
-Lightly spray the top of the bread crumbs with non stick cooking spray
-Bake for 30 minutes or until top browns slightly

Pumpkin Picking 2009

Pumpkin picking at Boo's patch- our favorite local pumpkin farm. They always have the most huge and unique pumpkins to choose from. I think I may have pushed DH's back muscles a little too far this year.

"Love ain't love until you give it up.." - Vedder

Catching Up....

While the cinnamon rolls enjoy their last rising, I'll try to jot a few notes here, rambling, babbling style.

We tagged our Christmas tree yesterday. I was worried we wouldn't find one as the farm we traditionally purchase our tree from, has had flood damage, and their tree inventory is dwindling. We found a Balsam Fir rather quickly though, as if it was waiting just for us. We'll head back the day after Thanksgiving, saw it down and bring it home.

The tree farm offers early tagging of their Christmas trees so that you can hunt for your tree before it gets too cold. Ironically, it snowed yesterday. We had our first snow flurries of the season, but thankfully, they didn't stick around. I'd like to know where our Indian Summer is.

Somehow, our house is staying warm and we haven't had to turn our heat on yet. At night our comforters help, and during the day, I'm usually baking something in the oven which helps heat our main level. After living in both styles of home, I can say I really do prefer ranch with a basement. The basement naturally holds a comfortable underground temperature, cooler in the summer and warmer in the winter.

Our underground is also holding 7 teen aged boys at the moment. DS14's sleep over was last night. During the week they worked hard at cleaning up the basement, I mean Mancave, and they are enjoying their game all night, no sleep weekend. The only thing I've had to do is provide pizza and the traditional homemade cinnamon roll breakfast. (Which I should now throw into oven. Be right back.)

I even snuck out with my sister for a little shopping, while DH provided the necessary adult supervision. It was mostly dream shopping though, since earlier this week, I had to remove a big chunk of funds for car maintenance. It hurt, but had to be done.

What also hurts, but has to be done, is my having to really watch everything I eat. I thought I was doing a great job, walking, eating more fruit and veg, but at my doctor's checkup, my weight was up along with my blood pressure. It was quite a shock, because I thought I had been doing everything right. I felt lost, but after the shock and depression wore off, I'm back in the fight.

On the plus side, I haven't been full blown sick in a very long while, so I know the healthy food and walking has helped. What I probably didn't have control of was portion size and sodium intake. So now I'm measuring everything along with counting calories using igoogle's free calorie counter application. It makes logging what I eat a little less painful, but I'm a bit obsessed with numbers.

Maybe its my frugal, penny pinching nature, but I don't want to see that calorie number climb. I have to be careful though, because years ago, I developed an eating disorder, trying to consume as little calories as necessary. I wasn't anorexic, but I was not eating healthy when I was trying to get by on 500 calories a day.

I'm trying for a more realistic 1500-1800 with 45 minutes of exercise a day. My doctor was great in suggesting I only try to lose 3 pounds in 8 weeks, but what has me more concerned is the blood pressure number. That's the real number I want to see come down.

I better go and make up some icing for the rolls. Talk to you later! :) 

Still have too much do and not enough time for myself. :(

Back Spacer

Rating:	★★★★★
Category:	Music
Genre:	Alternative Rock
Artist:	Pearl Jam

Since my Melon boys are on hold, I picked up Pearl Jam's latest release, Back Spacer. Every single song is a classic and speaks to my soul. I cannot get enough of this album the past few weeks.

My wake up call came loud and clear today! I need to schedule in some time for soul searching and make sure I'm choosing the path I belong on.

I'm trying really hard to remember what a blessing it is to see a doctor for wellness checkups. I'm so not in the mood to wear a paper dress, in a germ invested office and well, you know!!! I'll go for my family and in remembrance of my family and friends who fought the fight. Its not about my needs, but the needs of my family. They want me to be around for as long as a I can be.

Passing this great article along. Be sure to read all the way to the bottom for flu prevention tips. They really do work! http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/10/06/Why-You-Should-NOT-Vaccinate-Your-Children-Against-the-Flu-This-Season.aspx

Can't Believe He Is 14 Today!

How can one of my babies be so old?

How can he now be only 1 year away from getting a learner's permit and driving a car?

How can he be sleeping this day away?

I should wake him up. 14 years ago today, around this very same time of the morning we did. We took him from his protected, warm place of growth and with his first breath, he began to scream.

My first thought was- Oh NO! My baby boy is really angry!! I couldn't see him at first. I was strapped down and paralyzed, a major downside to having a C-section. I was assured the crying was a good thing, but when you can't see your crying infant and your abdomen is sliced wide open, you feel very helpless.

Safe and securely wrapped, burrito style, Jakob stopped crying in the arms of my husband. From my horizontal vantage point, my first sight of my son was of his little pinky finger, all curled in. It looked exactly like my husband's, and I knew right away, this was my baby! 

Jake has always looked just like my husband, perhaps with a little bit of my genes softening the edges, and as he grows, he shows more of my husband's mannerisms and personality traits. His taste bud DNA has to be from his father as well.

We took him out to eat, in honor of his birthday, and he chose Red Lobster for all you can eat shrimp scampi. He really enjoyed it and so did my husband of course! Jared skips ordering a meal at Red Lobster, preferring to fill up on cheddar biscuits. Can't say I blame him. Those cheesy, garlic rolls are awesome! Grandma had Flounder, and I ordered my usual Tilapia with garlic mashed potatoes- better than cake and ice cream if you ask me!

Speaking of cake and ice cream, we had a little pre-birthday party celebration with our cousins Saturday night. I ate too much sugar and it only confirmed to me, its worth it to keep making healthy food choices. I was sure I was getting the stomach flu, but it must of just been the crud I ate. Its not worth losing out on the opportunity to celebrate with family because you make yourself ill with poor food choices. I'm not a kid anymore. I can't tolerate the occasional sugar binge without repercussions.

We gave DS14 his presents Sunday night, thinking he could spend all of today enjoying them. I've heard a rumor he didn't go to bed last night until 5:00am. I better allow him to sleep in while I get all nostalgic.

Would you want an implantable chip that tells the world you have a virus in you? Copy and paste this link: http://www.reuters.com/article/hotStocksNews/idUSTRE58K4BZ20090921 Please don't allow fear to control you!

Having a great weekend, enjoying my family. Was sure I was getting a stomach bug, but have managed to fight it back! Yeah!

Missed you all today. Too much working, not enough playing!

How Can It Be October already?

Life seems to be moving too fast. Maybe its everything on my plate, but another part of me wonders, is the earth spinning around the sun faster? How would we know if the entire universe sped up?

When I ponder these questions, I also realize I can look back at my past and feel those memories were created so long ago, yet also close by as well. I can feel an eternal connection, but also the movement of time forward gives me the dizzies from time to time.

Its about time management and prioritizing. Some days though, I have to give these tasks up and just go with the flow. It was once explained to me, I prefer to ride the raft, not cling to the sides of the bank. I was also told though, my river runs deep.

I suppose I should then realize, deep waters mean less rapids! So why does it feel right now, like I'm about to be thrown from the boat? Maybe its time to dig my paddle in and find those deeper waters?

This blog post was a good place to start, don't you think?:)

I refuse to put the heat on yet. Bring me another layer.

Honeycrisp, I love you.....

Special K wasn't quite special enough this morning. I was hungry again after only an hour. Honeycrisp apple to the rescue! Remembering I was too busy to eat it last night at work, I dug it out of my work bag and along with another cup of warm tea, its hitting the spot. If you've never tried a Honeycrisp, pay the extra pennies and give one a try. They are so crisp and juicy, a perfect blend of sweet with a little bit of tartness.

The boys have dentist checkups today, which I'm dreading as well. I know they will recommend DS10 see an orthodontist again. I'm just not sure he's ready for braces. I want him to be mature enough to commit to taking good care of his teeth. I had braces and was not self disciplined enough to get over the embarrassment of brushing my teeth at school. After the brackets came off, I had enamel damage. I want DS10 to feel like he has some say in this decision, plus I'm not sure how we're going to pay for it.

DS13 also expressed how much he hates dental appointments. The picking, the drilling, he's very sensitive to dental pain. I can't figure out if its just anxiety or if he really doesn't respond to Novocaine. He did have one bad experience when our usual dentist wasn't there. The substitute drilled and filled his tooth without Novocaine. Now we insist on seeing only our dentist, but even with this, the last time DS13 needed work done, he said he felt it the entire time. He asked for more Novocaine and our dentist gave it to him, but it didn't help.

Why does tooth pain have to be so severe? Teeth aren't that big. I'd rather get a pap smear and a boob smash than have my teeth cleaned. Is it because those nerve endings are so much closer to your brain? I find it annoying as well that your teeth will hurt if your sinuses are bothered. I wish our teeth were like shark teeth. Wouldn't it be better if we could just keep growing more?

Tuesday's ramble...

Frost advisory tonight. It seems too early, but when I think about all the nature cues, its not surprising. Most of the geese and ducks have lone gone, the squirrels have been ramped up OCD style, digging and burying their food supply, and even the garden seemed to shut down early.

I think I'm ready though. I had DH haul out the extra down comforter, and I scored at the Farm & Fleet store yesterday- "Lowest prices of the season", grabbing us a few pairs of jeans. Now if only I can find my socks. Preferring to be barefoot, I'm always challenged when it comes to finding socks and footwear.

I'm motivated to pull the looms back out and knit more caps and try scarfs too. The chill in the air has me wanting to bake, and I'm back brewing and drinking my tea on the hot side.

I'm trying Hawthorne Berry tea. I've read its good for your heart and circulatory system. I also heard it may help RLS. I read that many believe in the healing power of Hawthorne Berry because its believed Christ's crown of thorns was made from Hawthorne Berry branches. Of course I thought that was cool, and I had to Google to see if I could grow a Hawthorne Berry bush in my yard!

The boys have been enjoying their new Xbox 360 and I'm surprised it hasn't consumed all their time like I thought it would. Its just another console to play different games. They are still enjoying other activities.

Yesterday they took turns sawing down the wild Mulberry bush trees that had taken over on the corners of our Sleepyhouse. I love how easy Mulberries spread and the fact the birds love them, but the reality is, we can't have them growing so close to the house and risk damaging the foundation. We still have a larger tree on the corner of our lot. The boys did a bit of pruning, removing the branches touching the ground. Hopefully this helps strengthen the tree. I know all the sawing will help strengthen my boys' arms!

I think even though it may be scary to watch your baby yield sharp tools, its good to place them in their hands with supervision. I can remember years ago our doctor warned me that boys have a natural fasnication with knives. I thought at the time, whatever, how can he know, but later discovered it was true. So we've always tried to be there, guiding them as to how sharp they can be, and the damage that will occur if you don't focus and concentrate on using them correctly.

Case in point, the day mom almost took off her finger tip slicing a bagel. Had the blade not caught in the bone, her fingertip would have popped off! And yesterday, peeling butternut squash too quickly, her DNA almost was added to the risotto. Its amazing how many times I've warned my children only to injure myself! LOL!

At the library yesterday, I saw the latest issue of National Geographic. It has a really cool fold out poster of a giant Redwood tree. I have to see if I can buy a copy of the magazine now, just for the poster! I love trees and its on my bucket list to see a Redwood. The people climbing the giant tree looked like ants.

Speaking of ants, we watched a Goosebumps video, Awesome Ants last night. We borrowed a whole slew of Goosebumps videos at the library, getting in the Halloween spirit. There's something about curling up under a blanket and watching a scary video together when its cold and dark outside that is comforting and bonding.

I guess I've babbled enough. I better get up and get moving. Have a great Tuesday!

Baked Brown Rice & Squash Risotto

Description:
I adapted this recipe to make it more healthy and vegetarian. I wasn't prepared for how much it would make! It would make a great side dish at family gatherings or for a pot luck.

This version is sweet and savory. I'm inspired to alter this recipe next time, making something entirely sweet and dessert like, a pumpkin/squash rice pudding, using vanilla soy milk instead of veggie broth, skipping the onion,pepper and Parmesan cheese, and adding nuts and dried cranberries. I'll also try making it in a slow cooker, rather than the oven.

Ingredients:
4 C low sodium vegetable broth
2 C brown rice (uncooked)
2 C diced raw butternut squash (peel and remove seeds first)
1 1/2 C canned pumpkin (not pumpkin pie filling)
1 small yellow onion, minced
1 t pepper (or to taste)

2 t dried basil or 1/2 C chopped fresh basil
1/4 C finely grated Parmesan cheese
2 T non fat, plain yogurt

Directions:
Pre-heat oven to 400F

In a 3 quart baking dish, add veggie broth, rice, squash, pumpkin and onion and stir gently to combine. COVER with aluminum foil tightly and bake for 30 minutes.

Remove from the oven and stir to see if the rice has absorbed all the broth. Return to oven if the rice has not yet puffed and absorbed all the liquid. (I had to bake mine for another 15 minutes.)

When the dish has finished baking, stir in the basil, Parmesan cheese and yogurt to give it a final, comfort food, creamy texture.

Clouds look heavy, with a desire to fall down. Wind is dancing with the trees, stretching those branches. Its a blustery, beautiful autumn day, and I've got a warm, hug in a cup in my grasp. Life is good!

Choosing To Stay Well

So much to do, project lists keep getting longer, yesterday didn't go entirely as planned, and I found myself so fatigued. By the end of the day, I was an official couch potato, but I think I needed it. I'm sure my body is fighting off colds and flu.

Speaking of flu, I know a week from now, when I head in for my yearly checkup, my doctor will ask if I want a flu shot. I've gotten by all these years without one, and frankly its been almost 2 years since I've been full blown flu sick. I've had those times where I think I'm getting sick, but have always been able to stay ahead of it and beat it back. I'd rather try to eat healthy, exercise and try other natural, immunity boosting ideas.

I know I may be taking a risk, but after reading about the possible negative effects of flu shots, I feel better choosing alternatives that are known not to have any adverse effects, even if those alternatives may not offer total protection.

I know this means I need to be disciplined. I need to exercise everyday, stay away from sugar, and veggie up. I need to also listen to my body and rest when it needs the down time. I can't allow the stress and pressure of life to take my focus off of taking care of myself.

I'm not comfortable with giving away this responsibility to a needle and syringe. I really don't want things done for me. I'm more of a do it herself kind of person. In fact, when I do get sick, this is what stresses me out, I can't take care of myself and those I love.

I'm an autodidact. I'm a home schooling mother. I know many wonderful things are possible when you choose to take on those challenges yourself. I'm not going to allow fear to make decisions for me.

If I do get sick, at least I'll know I gave my body what it needs to fight off the bugs, and hopefully the virus won't find my temple an inviting place.

On that note, I'm going to tie my own shoes, move my legs, swing my arms and breathe it in and out, on my own. No one can do this for me, and this gift I give myself, means so much.

Yumi, our naughty cat, has discovered she can hook her claws into the screen door and pull it open. Now we have a house full of flies and grasshoppers.

X-Box 360 Day?

We made it to Friday, but I can't completely relax until DH is home, and our family is united for the weekend. I'm happy about not having anything pressing to do, but the spring in my step is missing, and I think its because I'm missing my husband.

I have a complete love affair with my husband. From the day I met him, I didn't want to be away from him. He is my Soul One. To me, he's the person who makes life a party. Nothing is as fun without him.

The boys have saved and today is the day, I believe, we will shop for an Xbox 360. Originally they were saving for the Pro model, but prices have dropped by $100 and if we buy the Elite model before October 3rd, we can qualify for a $50 rebate. We are now really just comparing warranties.

Radio Shack is in the lead, but that would also mean, we'd have to wait another week for delivery. Today, I promised to research Walmart's warranty policy. (Shuddering!!) I am not a fan of Wal-Fart at all, but the XBox is priced the same at all retailers. It comes down to the warranty prices and what they include. I prefer Target, but their electronic warranties do not have great reviews. Best Buy is a nightmare as well.

I think I'm going to make this experience a little less painful for me, by waiting for DH's work day to end, suggesting we meet for supper at Pizza Oven and then heading over to Wal-fart as a family.

Have a great weekend!

It's not the same when he can't be with us. Waiting a few more hours until life gets fun again.

Thursday 13

1. A hummingbird is about 36 inches from my head, trying to eat from the inpatients. I didn't know they chirped.

2. Things are going relatively smooth, work wise. What's going on? I'm suspicious.

3. I wish I had a large, upright freezer I could fill with fresh from the farm veggies. Our little freezer is chock full of berries and tomatoes, not leaving any room for anything else. Too bad I'm not craving smoothies or tomato sauce.

4. Halloween & Fall decorations are slowly making their way out. I'm ready to let go of summer and enjoy autumn with all my heart.

5. Tomorrow could be the day they've been waiting for. The money is saved and counted.

6. The new Pearl Jam CD is staring at me, sending a telepathic message- "Listen to me! Listen to me!" Can I put aside my Blind Melon boys for awhile?

7. I'm declaring tomorrow "Stay Put Day." Its been too long and my books are feeling lonely.

8. I'll probably end up wasting my free time, cleaning stuff.

9. Its foggy season in Wisconsin. Every morning and every evening. I find it so romantic.

10. Wish they wouldn't have moved the Dr.Oz show to the afternoon. Now there's nothing to watch while I'm on the treadmill.

11. Received a postcard if we don't tag our Christmas tree next weekend, we won't get one. The farm is running low on trees after a spring flood, and they won't open for the season, but they are still allowing past customers to tag what's left. We may have to find a new farm.

12. The Funnel spider is making her way out. Too bad its not bugs, but flower petals knocked over by the humming bird.

13. I better call my Posse Moms and see what's up for today.

I actually had a moment this morning where I did not know what day it was. It took me a few minutes to figure it out! :) Life's been too good!

Blofeld Bars (Walnut bars)

Description:
Look what I got!!

DH's co-worker decide to share his walnut bar recipe with me and even made me a pan full of them as a thanks for the sewing I did a few weeks back.

I believe his version, the one pictured, skips the chocolate filling, but they are still so good! Now I have to be good, wrap them back up and freeze them away before I eat them all! They are so delicious!

Ingredients:
Walnut Bar dough:
1 C butter
2 C brown sugar
2 eggs
2 t vanilla
1 t salt
1 t baking soda
2 C flour
2 1/2 C oatmeal
1 C roasted walnuts, divided

Chocolate filling:
1 12 ounce bag of chocolate chips
1 large can of sweetened condensed milk
2 t vanilla
2 T butter
1/2 t salt


Directions:
Cream butter, sugar, add eggs, vanilla, salt, soda. Stir in flour, oats and 1/2 of the walnuts. Press 3/4 of the dough into a 9 X13 bar pan.

Melt chocolate filling ingredients together in a double boiler. Pour chocolate filling over the dough in the pan. Top the chocolate with remaining dough, "making dough islands in the chocolate sea." Top with remaining walnuts.

Bake @350 for 30 minutes

Mandatory Kindergarten Law Passes In Wisconsin

I'm bummed out. They passed legislation requiring all 5 year old children to attend Kindergarten before entering into first grade. As if truancy officers weren't busy enough?

Seriously, I think this is to set the precedent for mandating Pre-K enrollment. Soon your 4 year old will be required to leave their home, being separated from the family at such a young age.

Because we are life long homeschoolers, this doesn't really effect my family, however, perhaps the new law will cause some newer homeschooling families to pause. You can't homeschool for kindergarten, and then expect to enroll your child in a public school the next year without approval from the school board. 

This new law is all about money. Its not about preparing children for a solid education. It will take more money to staff more teachers, build more classrooms, but hey, it also means free daycare! Now both parents can work! Better send all those daycare teachers back to school for their teacher licensing. (Tuition dollars feed the machine too.)

It has been proved that removing children from the home at an early age DOES NOT increase a person's capacity for learning. In fact, the opposite has been proved. Young children need the security of a loving home.

Its not like our public schools are the perfect place for a person to get an education either, so why are we insisting on sending young, not ready, children into an imperfect method? I know many 5 year olds that developed later and were not ready for Kindergarten at 5. Some do better beginning at age 6 or 7. I guess it just means more ADHD medicine sales.

I work with a young mom who has been telling me of her daughter's struggles adjusting to kindergarten this year. My heart breaks because its clear her teacher is failing to understand this little girl's heart.

I don't care how great a teacher could be, no one loves your children like you do. Its not only spiritual, but its also biological. There are wonderful teachers out there, but they can only do so much for each child when they have 10 or more to look after. (Many school ratios are higher than that.) Teachers would rather teach, than be disciplinarians. They can't share their passions and mentor children if they are being asked to raise them in the absence of parental influence.

Our society already suffers terribly from the breakdown of the family unit. Parents and children are pulled apart rather than unified.

I feel so blessed my boys have had the chance to bond together as siblings, because they've been learning and living together 24/7 in our family unit since the day DS10 was born. The reality is, they will spend more of their lives together than they can share with their parents. I will most likely, pass on while they still have many years left on this earth. I can leave knowing they have each others back. Blood is thicker than water.

I will continue to fight for my right to raise my children the best way I see fit, and being a law abiding citizen, I will continue to pay taxes, which most likely will be raised now. I can of course use my vote on election day, but the reality is, I'm a minority living in a dumbed down America.

Anybody have a recipe for walnut bars? DH brought me one his co-worker had made and now I'm craving another. The co-worker is being secretive and won't share his recipe. :(

The rainy day brought out these guests in our basement window wells

We had several of each species in each window. Boys are researching to determine what they are. After going so long without rain, this was a treat!

First a little work, then I'll be back for fun.

"A smile is a light in the window of the soul indicating that the heart is at home." - Anonymous I love this! Smile on!

Weekend Fun 9/21

I need one more day of weekend. It was too great to be confined to 48 hours.

Saturday Grandma arrived, bringing favorite K-town pizza! Now that we know we can take and bake from one of our favorite pizzerias, we'll have to make room in the freezer and bring a cooler next time we visit Grandma! 

To work off that za, we took a stroll through town, admiring the changing leaves and ending up at our little Lake Leota. We saw schools of minnows being chased by a huge snapping turtle. Our lake restoration project has a long way to go, but just seeing the turtle brought us hope.

Sunday our plans changed. DH & I decided to save the money and not go to the concert in Milwaukee. We still had "date afternoon." Grandma took the boys to see a movie, while DH & I hiked around at the UW Arboretum. Surrounded by trees and my wonderful husband, it couldn't get much better, but it did. We came across a flock of wild turkeys, and on a remote leg of the trail, a deer.

She came out of the forest, directly onto the path in front of us. She appeared to have a slight limp, but she continued on our path, walking directly in front of us. I told her to stay in the protected arboretum park and she'd hopefully be safe from hunters.

After our hike, which went by too quickly, we had lunch out and did a little birthday & Christmas shopping. We really must get a jump on this. We'll spend less money and be able to pay for it slowly, a few gifts each paycheck, rather than resort to using credit cards.

We've already made plans for next weekend, that have me so excited, I'm really hoping this week goes by quickly. Next weekend marks 8 years we've been in the Sleepyhouse and its the week before DS13 turns DS14! I can't believe it! Where does the time go?

After hearing that hacking kid, walking to the bus stop, I'm SO grateful my boys home school! I can't believe he is being sent to school like that. It was a brutal, wet, cough. At one point, the boy stopped, and bent over. I thought he was going to spew in my front yard!

I need this day to go slowly, so I can cram everything I want to do in it.

We should have went swimming. (Frustrated we stayed home waiting for someone who never showed!)

Thursdays Highs and Lows....

Yesterday we had so much fun with our home school posse. We played Spud while practicing Latin numbers. I felt like a kid again, on the playground. It's motivation to keep moving. I don't want the day to come when I can't move around. I want to be the kind of person who heads into the twilight years of life, still up and running.

It was wonderful to see our friend, who recently lost his mother to cancer. He seemed to be in good spirits, and it reminded me of what a wonderful mother he had. It broke my heart when she lost her battle a few weeks ago. It seems unfair children have to lose their parents, and when its a home schooling parent, this seems amplified.

On the other hand, the closeness home schooling families share brings strength. I'm sure my friend was grateful she had spent so much time at home with her children. They were there to love and support each other through all the good and bad times. Her legacy shows in how healthy and well adjusted her children are, even after suffering such a devastating loss.

After our great posse visit, I unfortunately had to head to work. Usually, I enjoy going to work, but this day it was difficult to leave the fun of friends.

I'm discovering errors here and there, as my co-workers navigate their way through our scheduling software. These are simple errors that are happening because they are trying to go too fast. I got frustrated because to me, these errors are being made because staff is working too quickly, not taking the time to read careful. They tell me though, "Its the program."

In truth, there are some changes the programmers could make, but on the other hand, its not that difficult to read "Jellyfish Saturday 10:30am October 17 through December 19th" and realize that class is not meeting this Saturday, September 19th. I don't know how I can help staff other than point out, its ok to take the time to read what's in front of you more carefully.

I have a few ideas I could implement, but over all, I think somehow, I have got to help staff realize learning something new doesn't have to be so challenging if they take down their anxiety wall brick by brick.

I'm sorry for being cynical with a flavor of superiority, but why do so many expect to be able to work on autopilot or give up before even trying? Is it fear or lack of confidence? Is it laziness?

I'll get off the soapbox. I'm sure I've offended co-workers!

Last night we watched the first new episode of Survivor. I don't want to watch the rest, but I will have to because my family will. There is a guy, Russell, who has to be the most evil player I've ever witnessed on the series. He dumped his own tribe's water supply to cause turmoil and burned a tribe member's socks. He set up fake alliances with every woman, referring to them all as stupid. He LIED about being in a house, filling up with water during hurricane Katrina, in which he watched his dog die.

When he crossed that line, I knew he'd be the most hated man in America. To lie about climbing onto a roof, axe in hand, during hurricane Katrina is a slap in the face to the thousands who really lost so much! This man is so damaged. I have to wonder what happened to him to make him choose such an evil path.

Before tucking my boys in bed, I told them, "Please don't grow up to be Russells!" I know I really don't have to worry about that. The love, respect and support we share together in our family, ensures we won't end up sorry human beings who choose evil over doing what is right.

Wednesday Thoughts

My parents headed back to Minnesota this morning. Why did they leave those evil cookies?!

I'm sure I'll want a nap later, but getting up early really does help you get a jump on the day. I struggled last night at work to complete a project, but there were too many interruptions. What I couldn't accomplish in 5 hours, I completed in 1 just because I was left alone. Working at home can be much more productive.

The boys are very close to reaching their financial goal in order to make their secret purchase. They've been working extra chores. Next step, deciding whether to keep this purchase a secret or reveal it. I think they feel misunderstood and judged. Or it could be they don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

Date night is only a few days away! DH is taking me to see Alice In Chains. I'm not a huge fan, but its a concert, and I'll have the chance to let my hair down. Plus its time spent with DH!

I was thinking of painting our front door. It really needs it. I thought about choosing a color other than white, but on the other hand, if I paint the door dark, it will absorb heat in the summer and make the living room hot. I will probably end up just painting it white again.

DS10 has decided he doesn't have to be a hamburger for Halloween. I told him the foam was on the expensive side, and I wasn't sure how I could sew and stuff a costume to resemble the burger costumes he sees in the Burger King commercials.

His latest idea is to be a doughnut. I'm trying to wrap my head around how I can design that costume. I'm wondering if I could sew a slip cover of sorts for an inflatable inner tube? I'll have to sketch it out. I do like the cop/doughnut idea, like the photo I found at an online costume shop.

I better get moving. DS10 is up and eyeballing the computer. I've been sitting here too long!

Visitors and Gardening notes

We're recovering from the rhino rather nicely. DS10 is most definitely over it and DS13, hardest hit, has turned the corner. I'm hoping he continues to recover and doesn't fall back like he did last week.

Grandpa P and Cheryl stayed over for a quick visit. Grandpa P treated us to supper out at Old Country Buffet. He sure doesn't show it, but he loves to eat. I wish I had half of his metabolism. We hope to some day be able to travel down and visit them in Florida. Maybe Grandpa will even give us a ride on his Harley!

We're getting ready to put the garden to bed. We harvested a third bucket of Roma tomatoes, but I think they will start to thin out now. We did end up with blight at the end of the growing season. We had heard it was in our area, but since we had started our plants from seed, we hoped we'd be spared. Apparently blight is an airborne disease for tomatoes. Now I'm not sure how we should clean up the bed. I've heard you do not want to compost plants affected with blight. You are suppose to bag them up and throw them away. I just wonder if the soil needs to be treated?

We didn't get as many butternuts as I had hoped. Next year we will position the plants better and ditch the vertical frame idea. Although we did end up with nice fruit, we had a few too many cool nights and the vines growing on the vertical frame got too chilly. The vines on the ground fared better. 

Our watermelons and cantaloupes don't look ready. I'm afraid we didn't have a hot enough summer to bring them to maturity. We'll wait a little while longer and see if any ripen up.

Over all the Square Foot Garden method is a great idea for beginning gardeners, but next season I think we'll experiment with something different. We want to grow bigger and better!

I'm starting to complain, there's no rain.

It just feels like I have nothing interesting to report....

I'm falling behind on logging in our days. It feels like there is nothing good to write about, which is pretty sad, but the truth is, the Rhino virus is in the Sleepyhouse.

We missed our home school posse on Thursday. I decide it would be best if we didn't share our cold germs. Turned out we weren't the only ones to cancel. Hopefully we'll all be better by next Thursday, and we can practice our Latin.

My parents arrived and we shared our day with them, taking them to Costco and Culvers for lunch. They left us for the quilt show and to visit other relatives and friends. We'll see them again when they head back through on Tuesday.

Thursday night our cable, internet and phone went out. We played basketball and Uno. We ended our day watching a Harry Potter DVD.

On Friday we noticed a cable guy lurking around our neighbors' back yard. I asked him if he was working on the outage, and he told me they thought it was because our neighbor cut through a line. Our neighbor is putting up a fence, one hole at a time. The cable guy had to call in two others and 20 hours later, we were connected again.

Having all that down time, I did manage on Friday to catch up on cleaning. Along with the usual chores, I even took down curtains and washed them. Amazing what one can accomplish when the distraction of Facebook & Multiply isn't there! LOL!

After playing Cinderella, I found myself wiped out. The past few days its been like this, but if I stop, drink some fluids and rest, I've been able to keep the rhino from taking a hold of me. Unfortunately, it hasn't be the same story for the boys.

DS13 started first several weeks ago. He seemed to be getting better, but turned south again. Tonight he decided he needed to go to bed at 8:00pm. I really hope that helps and tomorrow he feels better.

DS10 seems to be moving his rhino through more quickly. He was second to suffer, but he seems to be first to recover.

There seems to be so much illness going around, not just Swine flu. I swear my food choices, supplements and walking have been helping me. I've also took up dry brushing, which could be helping as well.

Tomorrow we have more visitors arriving, my father in law & his wife. I can't remember the last time we saw them. I just hope the boys are feeling well enough to visit. The house isn't perfect, and I have no idea what to cook, but I'm not going to stress over it. It would give the rhino another chance to get me!

I better go check on my sick one and brew a cup of insurance. Hope you're having a great weekend! 

Found dye free Children's Tylenol cold medicine! Yeah! Stocked up on tissues, disinfectant spray, and vitamins. Bring in on!

Can't figure this one out. DS13 has had a sore throat for almost 2 weeks. Thought it was allergies but Claritan doesn't seem to be making any difference. This morning he woke up with stomach pain, but it quickly went away and he's been eating normal all day. Tonight DS10 says his throat is sore, but more so his ears are bothering him. Maybe we do have a virus in the Sleepyhouse? Do I pay the $70 insurance co-pay only to have the doctor confirm this or could it be something treatable? Doesn't it seem unfair doctors charge you even when there is nothing they can do for you?

What's Going On In Our Sleepyhouse Lately....

DH took the boys to see Final Destination in 3D. They nicked the glasses because they were pretty cool looking, even though the theater was asking patrons to recycle them. They enjoyed the movie and DH assured me there wasn't too much 3D sex. LOL!

I wasted my free hours trying to find a bra and pair of jeans that fit. No luck. Of course I'm not a mall shopper. I would have preferred to shop Farm & Fleet, but they were closed for the holiday. I did score a pair of shorts for next summer for only $3.

I added more reasons why I love my husband to my ongoing list. He decided to help the boys go through their clothes, sorting out what fits and what doesn't. We ended up finding enough hoodies we could open our own store. We now have 3 bags for Goodwill.

We're learning Latin numbers this week. A family in our home school posse was interested in learning Latin and thought we could learn it together. I knew this would be a tough sell to my unschooled children, and my gut reaction was one of stress. However, we are blessed with wonderful friends! They want to use a game approach rather than a textbook/worksheet approach, so we are brain storming game ideas. What's important to my boys is still being able to have fun with their home schooled friends when our posse meets.

This week we are using Latin numbers while we play Spud. I also thought we could enjoy our Nerf Gun Wars using the Latin vowel sounds. Each player chooses a certain Latin vowel, and then when you nail them with a Nerf dart, they have to yell out that vowel sound as they dramatically fall to the ground. We may create a few other non-human Nerf gun targets, using Latin words, the boys could take aim at.

I'm just so grateful for our home school posse being up for making learning fun and giving ownership of it to the boys.

My parents should arrive tonight while I'm at work. DH will have to entertain the in-laws, (add another reason to the why I love him list). The boys and I will spend the day with them Wednesday, and that evening my sister can take over supervising the parental units.

I think we'll have to schedule in a doctor's visit sometime this week as well. DS13 has had a sore throat now for two weeks, without any change. Hearing the ragweed is really bad in our area, I thought it could be allergies but the Claritan I've been giving him the past 4 days doesn't seem to be doing anything. (Note to self- get back on Emergen-C!)

Well, I better get climbing the laundry mountain and lace up our walking shoes for our library trek. Its going to be a busy week, but I'll try to pop in every now and then! Take care!

Parental Units arrive tonight!! I wish I didn't have to work evenings, but I will get to share my daytime hours with them Wednesday.

I'm done torturing myself. (I went out shopping for new bras and jeans.) I should have joined the menfolk and went to the movies instead.

FreeRice

http://www.freerice.com
Its more than just vocabulary now! Click on subjects. I'm addicted to playing Famous Paintings!

Each answer you get right earns 10 grains of rice for the UN World Food Program.

3:30am is too early to meet and greet the day, but I can't seem to fall back asleep. Glad today is a holiday and I won't have to work tonight. Looking forward to that nap in my future.

Thoughts On My Unschooling Heart Tonight...

Its back to school time, and the questions are being asked of me.

"What curriculum are you using?"

"What are the boys doing for high school?"

I've even noticed doubts coming from my husband, which surprises me. Personally, I've never felt stronger in my conviction to give my children an unschooled life. We've been home, learning together through life for almost 11 years now.

This morning, I watched on the Fox News Network, an unschooling debate. It was all but 3 minutes. (Fox News is dumbed down, but that's another blog.)

One of the negative points was Unschoolers can't possibility be prepared for the real world. Ummm.... Unschoolers live and learn IN the real world. We don't need to prepare for it because we're here already! We never left it.

Thinking back on my own experience of public schools and college. Was I prepared for the "real world" as I left formal, institutionalized education? That would be a big, fat NO WAY!

Schooling made choices for me. I didn't have to give it much thought. I just followed the path they created and played the game the way they wanted me to play it.  Once out on my own, I had to make those decisions for myself, and I hadn't had any practice doing that.

I floundered for a few years before finding my way, and honestly feel I wasted years of my life just trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted to accomplish. Always doing what others asked of me, I had no clue how to dream my own dreams. 

Now that I'm free and have awoken the true autodidact nature God gave us all, I have such peace. When presented with obstacles, I no longer panic, but understand how challenges can always be creatively worked through discovery.

I watch with sympathy as others struggle and stress out because something seems like its too hard or difficult to understand. They don't get it. The process of following your curiosity and questioning leads to greater self confidence. We aren't suppose to know it all, and those who seem to know more than us, really don't. We all have our own set of life experiences and individual talents.

I think if those who doubt the process could spent time with us, they'd understand, it really does work. My children have learned to read, write and solve equations. My children have also developed self confidence, self discipline, and they have a loving respect for others.

I'm not worried that the kid across the street is learning about the Civil War and mine isn't. Why not? Because lately, World War II is more interesting to my son.

What gives me comfort is knowing my children know how to learn. Every day presents new questions they seek out answers for. I can't stop that process and if I tried to control it, I could possibly do more harm than good. How far they take the ride is up to them, not me.

Cinnamon rolls are in the oven. I used the bread machine we scored on vacation to knead the dough. We'll see how they come out. The dough seemed really soft to me and the rolls barely held their shape, wanting to "blob out" all over the pan. Maybe next time I'll use less yeast or a little more flour.

The new neighbors are putting up a fence. I should be grateful they didn't ask us to pay for it, but I'm nervous. Should I take this personally? Are we an eyesore? Probably not. They do have a small dog. But now how are we get to know them if they are hiding behind their fence?

Today went by too quickly. Hoping tomorrow is just as blessed!

The Lost 40 & Itasca State Park

The Lost 40-

After driving down what looked like deserted roads, we found it, although I will admit, it took us awhile to find the trail head. If you end up there one day, I will give you a hint. Its not by the pit toilets!

The Lost 40 is actually over a hundred acres of forest that missed the loggers' axes because it never was marked on the initial maps. Its a rare section of old growth forest in the Chippewa National Forest.

We tested out new walking sticks Grandpa and Mormor gave us. It was a short hike, about 1 mile, but so much to see! You had to walk slow so you could look up and marvel at the size of pine trees over 350 years old. We learned the difference between red and white pines, and I must say, I really prefer the red ones. The bark is so interesting to me.

A little red squirrel stayed close to us, more concerned about filling his cheeks than any danger we posed. He seemed to follow us, leaving us thinking he must be used to being fed by humans.

At the end of the path, you left the woods and came upon a brook. It was so beautiful, I wish I had a kayak to float down and see where it led.

We circled back and all too soon, the hike was over. I wanted to loop it again, but Gull Lake was calling. Jared needed tube time and Jakob wanted to try fishing.

Lake Itasca State Park-

I love this park and always forget how large it really is. We of course waded across the Mississippi headwaters, but this time, we wanted to stretch our legs and hike a bit too. We sprayed up with Deep Woods Off- the one time I will subject my body to Deet, but it didn't matter. The mosquitoes were brutal. Our goal was to hike 3 miles to the fire tower. We decided to cut across and make that 1 mile, but it was still a mistake. We should have drove to the parking lot near the fire tower and hiked the .5 mile instead.

At one point, I counted two dozen mosquitoes on DH's back. He suffered bites all over his head and even one on his lip! I somehow managed to get a few bites where you don't want to be seen scratching! Next year, we will wear mosquito netting.

The hike to the fire tower, although shortened, was a challenge not only because of the mosquitoes, but the incline. I suppose it makes sense to build the fire tower on the tallest location, but I kept thinking,  how am I going to climb the fire tower after climbing up this hill?

We took it slow and made it to the fire tower. The motivation that the mosquitoes wouldn't fly that high, helped me over come my fears and make it to the top. This was the first fire tower I'd ever made it all the way up. The previous fire tower I tried to climb was at my parents county fair. I made it to the tree line but then froze up, not able to climb higher.

We now have a family goal to find more fire towers and climb them.

Next time we visit Itasca Park, I'd like to look into staying there, either camping or renting a cabin. There are over 50 miles of trails and so many peaceful, lakes and ponds. Of course we will wear mosquito netting head to toe, or visit after the first frost.

Bemidji Road Trip 2009

Visiting the big, north woods.

Back from our road trip to the big woods. I promise to post some snaps soon!