I'm still trying to adjust to the changes in our lives since Oct 15th. The world hasn't ended, there's plenty to be thankful for, but I can't feel settled. Its the certain uncertainty.
I'm struggling to find balance again. Working more hours, not being around my kids, I feel like I'm losing a connection. I know they are benefiting from having dad around more and for the most part, their lives have not changed, but I miss not being able to share so much with them.
My calorie counting and exercising have been nonexistent this past week, something I KNOW I need to work on. I need to find a new routine, a new groove, instead of waiting to see where things will lead.
I used to enjoy planning for future fun, but now I don't feel confident making those plans. I don't know if the resources will be there, plus I can't guarantee if we'll be in the mood to enjoy it. Take Halloween for example. I can't believe its only days away. There's no excitement. Maybe its because we can't buy pile loads of candy, and we've canceled the post trick or treating party, but I think its more so because I haven't had time to get into it. I haven't had the time to decorate, do crafts and bake ghoulish treats. I'm worried Christmas will be like this.
I'm grateful the tree is already paid for and a few gifts did get purchased before the lay off, but I'm worried I won't have the time or spirit to give my family a warm, wonderful Christmas.
I'm hoping that in a few weeks, this new routine will feel better. Of course reality will hit after that first huge mortgage chunk comes out without the usual paycheck muscle we were blessed with before. That could make me stop mourning the loss of my free time because I'll have another loss to mourn- financial security.
I'm still on the roller coaster, only now it seems a little less up and down. I'm still unsure what lies ahead, another drop? But at least in a strange way the emotional game of job loss is getting predictable.
8 comments:
(((HUGS))) We're here to listen, my friend.
We are trying to adjust to a new routine too. Uncertainy of not knowing from week to week if my hubby will have any hours is hard. This week he was only scheduledto work 2 days. Next week might be down to 1 day. Holidays are gonna be tough for us too. All I can do is take it one day at a time. *Hug*
I hope that talking about this helps. I am glad to be listening ear and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
*hugs* you've so described my past year....The hubby lost his job....I got my hours cut...he managed to find a part time job...hubby goes to the ER and his car dies....I go back to working crazy hours (one day off in the past 4 weeks and I'm sick and exhausted) but knowing come the new year there's a good chance my hours will be cut again. No time, lots of stress, and lots of uncertainty...it's not fun. You just gotta hang on and hope for the best.
Hugs! I can only hope and pray for all of us that 2010 is a much better year. 2009 has been a rough one for everyone I know, myself included.
Talking about things always help so just know we are here to listen whenever you need. Hugs!
Oh Dawn {{{hugs}}} I hope talking about it does help some. To know you are struggling with so much hurts me. I don't like to see anyone struggle. :(
I hope you are able to find some peace and will be able to enjoy the holidays ahead.
Perhaps you should try and have a moment for yourself and think how things would work better.
I always talk about organizing and planning but I do just because I've noticed that it makes things so much easier.
When you organize your life you know what you should / could do and how and how much it would ask from you.
I hope you get some time for yourself over the weekend. Have a good Friday!
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