I know I was born an autodidact. Unfortunately, those responsible for loving and nurturing me as I grew didn't.
My mother brought me to preschool, and I made it through one day. Kindergarten she felt she had no choice. She had to make me go. I remember crying wanting to be home with her.
Kindergarten also meant no more freedom, no more safety. I didn't want to trace letters. Why can't I paint this "S" in red if I feel like it? That 5th grader stole my Indian headdress and you won't help me retrieve it?
I learned to survive, I needed to play the good student and give them the performance they expected, but when I was free, I was nose deep in the weeds imagining I was a higher life form, watching a tiny imaginary community. I had a rich fantasy life to balance out the conformity I was forced to spend most of my waking hours in.
Outdoors I lived in the giant lilac bushes in the backyard and climbed the crab apple trees. Indoors my mom would find me curled up in the hallway with encyclopedias. My favorite was the human body volume with the overlapping transparent pages showing the many organs, muscles and skeletal system that's inside each and every one of us. In my free time, I was exercising my autodidact, unschooling.
Unfortunately as I grew into adolescence and young adulthood, my free time became less and less. Rather than listen to my inner autodidact, I tried to figure out how to best fulfill the role everyone expected of me.
My inner autodidact went dormant. Not waking up until children of my own set off the alarm. I desired a better life for them. I wanted them to be free and in turn they freed me, waking up my natural, inner desire to learn as much as she could from the world around me. I had to model how to be an autodidact if I wanted them to embrace this freedom.
But what if I had been raised free, following my natural motivation? How would my life be different? I can't help but wonder.
Would I have been been a horticulturalist having chosen to spend so much time in the garden? Would my fascination with the human body have led me to the medical field? Would I have meshed the two interests together and become an herbalist?
I believe I wouldn't have been so concerned about living up to the expectations of others. I feel I would have had more confidence and been less afraid, if I was allowed to learn naturally. I would have been more focused on developing my strengths instead of always having my weaknesses continually pointed out to me.
I would have had less emotional wounds to heal from, which would have allowed for more opportunities for joy and stewardship. Its hard to heal a wound when someone keeps picking at the scab. I had wounds that didn't heal until I had a family of my own, to love me unconditionally.
I wish I could go back in time, staying home with my wonderful, artistic mother. Maybe then I would trust and not judge my ability to color and decorate the world around me. I wish I could have strengthened the relationships I shared with people around me instead of being pushed into competition and rank.
Living and learning in a environment where you are loved
unconditionally truly brings out the greatest growth in a person. I'm
just thankful I found this lifestyle and God brought me loving people to
share it with. I'm grateful I found this better path before it was too late. I'm grateful over time, I deschooled and began to trust myself, and trust my children.
Showing posts with label unschooling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unschooling. Show all posts
Sunday, November 04, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
WPA homeschooling conference
| Start: | May 4, '12 |
| End: | May 5, '12 |
| Location: | Oshkosh,WI |
UWG 2013
| Start: | Feb 3, '13 |
| End: | Feb 8, '13 |
| Location: | Sandusky,OH |
Monday, January 02, 2012
I Can't Label This
Next time someone asks, I'm very tempted to say we "out" school. Most people don't understand what unschooling really means because the "un" leads them to believe its negative. They probably haven't read anything by John Holt either.
Our educational pursuits often take us away from home so "home" schooling isn't entirely accurate.
I could tell people we are autodidacts, but you'd be surprised how many people have no idea what that means. "What is an autodidact?" I enjoy suggesting they look it up on their own, knowing they become one executing that task.
I've heard the term "Life Learner", thrown around in unschooling circles, but that sounds too obvious to me. Isn't everyone always learning from their life experiences?
"Interest based" -again, so obvious to me.
"Free learning" - It has a hippie vibe I could love, but at the same time it alienates anyone outside our lifestyle.
The more I ponder this, I don't like using the word "school" at all, but that word is the bridge between my world and theirs. Anyone educated traditionally equates "school" to education.
So what about "Alternative schooling"? - I could warm up to this label, but that's probably because it reminds me of "alternative music". (Am I letting my Generation X show?) Plus I admit, I'd like a little more oomph.
I'm inspired by other "Outs"; Outside, Out And About, Out Of The Closet, Out Of The Box, Out Sourced, Out Wit - Out Play - Out Last, (Thank you Survivor). Out Schooling creates a message we are educating ourselves away from the mainstream, but does it have an air of superiority?
Its my intent to express we're more about being unconfined. (There's "un" sneaking in there again.) We want to express we feel its important and more meaningful to us if we choose our own paths.
Choosing a label to allow for a good first impression is very difficult. Can't I just invite you to hang out with us and maybe then you'll understand?
Hey, did you catch that? How about Hang Out Schooling? Hmmm... no, that sounds like we're doing nothing important.
Maybe I should simply find it entertaining watching jaws drop when I say, "My children don't attend school."
Out is not In. Out feels better to me than In because I'm not looking for inclusion, but rather the chance to go anywhere we want to. I'm not trying to get In because there is so much more to go Out and play with! In may feel safe, but its really not.
The people who truly want to understand, will seek a more clear definition. The people who only want to judge won't. I've reached the point where I know our lifestyle works very well for us and is exactly how we were meant to live.
How will I decide to define it after all of this contemplation? I think it will depend on how I'm asked.
Our educational pursuits often take us away from home so "home" schooling isn't entirely accurate.
I could tell people we are autodidacts, but you'd be surprised how many people have no idea what that means. "What is an autodidact?" I enjoy suggesting they look it up on their own, knowing they become one executing that task.
I've heard the term "Life Learner", thrown around in unschooling circles, but that sounds too obvious to me. Isn't everyone always learning from their life experiences?
"Interest based" -again, so obvious to me.
"Free learning" - It has a hippie vibe I could love, but at the same time it alienates anyone outside our lifestyle.
The more I ponder this, I don't like using the word "school" at all, but that word is the bridge between my world and theirs. Anyone educated traditionally equates "school" to education.
So what about "Alternative schooling"? - I could warm up to this label, but that's probably because it reminds me of "alternative music". (Am I letting my Generation X show?) Plus I admit, I'd like a little more oomph.
I'm inspired by other "Outs"; Outside, Out And About, Out Of The Closet, Out Of The Box, Out Sourced, Out Wit - Out Play - Out Last, (Thank you Survivor). Out Schooling creates a message we are educating ourselves away from the mainstream, but does it have an air of superiority?
Its my intent to express we're more about being unconfined. (There's "un" sneaking in there again.) We want to express we feel its important and more meaningful to us if we choose our own paths.
Choosing a label to allow for a good first impression is very difficult. Can't I just invite you to hang out with us and maybe then you'll understand?
Hey, did you catch that? How about Hang Out Schooling? Hmmm... no, that sounds like we're doing nothing important.
Maybe I should simply find it entertaining watching jaws drop when I say, "My children don't attend school."
Out is not In. Out feels better to me than In because I'm not looking for inclusion, but rather the chance to go anywhere we want to. I'm not trying to get In because there is so much more to go Out and play with! In may feel safe, but its really not.
The people who truly want to understand, will seek a more clear definition. The people who only want to judge won't. I've reached the point where I know our lifestyle works very well for us and is exactly how we were meant to live.
How will I decide to define it after all of this contemplation? I think it will depend on how I'm asked.
Thursday, December 01, 2011
Throw Cans At Me
Today I was privileged to assist my son work on a film project. He has found a mentor, a film maker who has offered free film school lessons online. For his first project he needed to film a short, one take, stationary shot that was "compelling." This is what he came up with.
My part was to simply push the record button on the camera. DS16 set up the shot and came up with the idea. The part I find hilarious is he asked his soon to be 13 year old brother to throw cans at him. Is that not a dream come true for a little brother??!!! An invitation to throw something at your big brother??!!
I'm excited DS16 has found this learning opportunity and I hope he enjoys the process. I know DS12.10 had fun!!!
My part was to simply push the record button on the camera. DS16 set up the shot and came up with the idea. The part I find hilarious is he asked his soon to be 13 year old brother to throw cans at him. Is that not a dream come true for a little brother??!!! An invitation to throw something at your big brother??!!
I'm excited DS16 has found this learning opportunity and I hope he enjoys the process. I know DS12.10 had fun!!!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
ICU 10/20/11
photo- one bulb of Spanish Roja garlic compared to two cloves of Elephant garlic
“This week we want to…” My parents are coming for a visit so that will keep us busy.
“The kids are…” DS16 finished his latest short film, It Came From The VCR. Click here to check it out.DS12 has decided he wants to be Al Capone for Halloween. No sewing for me this year! DS12 has also been reading about World War I and making more fitness plans.
“I am learning….” How to grow garlic. I went a little over board at the garden center and picked up German Porcelain, Spanish Roja, Musik and Elephant garlic. The Elephant garlic is so huge! One clove is the size of a small apple. I'm thinking about planting it and not telling the boys. Then next summer when we harvest it, I'll enjoy their surprise when they pull up huge bulbs compared to the others.
“I am struggling with…” Taking care of myself. I haven't gotten back into an exercise routine yet, and I seriously think my sugar addiction has stopped being cute. I'm starting to realized how it is controlling me.
“This week is the first time….” I've starting adding shots of apple cider to tall glasses of water and I love it. I'm drinking so much water now, which is great.
"I am grateful…” I am well. At work, I've been exposed to so much illness. So many people have come in coughing, sneezing, drippy noses. I've also heard whooping cough and mono are going around. I hope I can continue to stay well.
“Our family first started unschooling…..(insert time frame/date, etc)”
This is difficult to do, pick an exact date. Our unschooling has really evolved. I decided to stay home and engage with my children 100% when DS12 was born. I knew we most likely would not be blessed with more children, and I wanted to get all I could of the two we did have.
When my oldest missed the kindergarten cut off due to his October birthday, a friend suggested I do "school" with him at home. I used a kindergarten curriculum for about 5 minutes before realizing how stupid it was to do so. That was probably the start of our unschooling journey, so I'll pick the date September 1, 2000.
I arrived at radical unschooling mom status over time. I sampled Charlotte Mason and Thomas Jefferson methods, mostly to deal with my doubts, but eventually I stopped worrying and starting trusting. I trust my children and believe they have been born with a natural curiosity and desire to explore. I trust God will put us where he wants us on a time table that is right for our family.
The more I trusted the process, the better it worked. Being radical isn't the difficult part at all. I don't need to be like everyone else or want to. Radical unschooling is easy once you realize living a lifestyle respecting others and loving unconditionally is all it takes. I only follow those two rules, love unconditionally and respect all others. When in doubt, I ask myself, does this course of action respect both the individual I am dealing with and myself, and am I acting out of unconditional love, not fear.
Modeling my actions my boys have learned how to love and respect others and that is my greatest accomplishment.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
NIGHTMARE!!!
A nightmare woke me early. It was impossible for me to go back to sleep afterward. I wanted to wake up my boys, but I showed some restraint.
In the dream, my children had become MORONS!!!! They had changed their personalities to try and fit in at.....SCHOOL!! GASP!!!
I'm so glad it was just a dream. My autodidacts are still free to be who they are!!
This isn't a slam on everyone who chooses to attend public instruction. I'm just grateful we have the opportunity to provide an environment for our boys where they feel safe to be themselves, free of judgment. They don't have to worry about being accepted because we love them unconditionally.
I know we've given them a solid foundation of self confidence. Both boys have experienced negative criticism from others, and I was proud of how they handled it. When one son was cyber bullied, he simply "unfriended" the offenders, and told me he wasn't going to let it bother him. My other son received negative remarks regarding his film making and he completely let it roll off his shoulders. He has too much fun creating movies, and he knows the people in his life that matter, that love him, appreciate his creativity.
I believe because we love and respect our boys so much, and because we give them so much freedom, they have become wonderful, generous young men. They are not morons.
They are funny, intelligent, creative, insightful and caring individuals. They aren't trying to be someone they're not. They inspire me everyday!
In the dream, my children had become MORONS!!!! They had changed their personalities to try and fit in at.....SCHOOL!! GASP!!!
I'm so glad it was just a dream. My autodidacts are still free to be who they are!!
This isn't a slam on everyone who chooses to attend public instruction. I'm just grateful we have the opportunity to provide an environment for our boys where they feel safe to be themselves, free of judgment. They don't have to worry about being accepted because we love them unconditionally.
I know we've given them a solid foundation of self confidence. Both boys have experienced negative criticism from others, and I was proud of how they handled it. When one son was cyber bullied, he simply "unfriended" the offenders, and told me he wasn't going to let it bother him. My other son received negative remarks regarding his film making and he completely let it roll off his shoulders. He has too much fun creating movies, and he knows the people in his life that matter, that love him, appreciate his creativity.
I believe because we love and respect our boys so much, and because we give them so much freedom, they have become wonderful, generous young men. They are not morons.
They are funny, intelligent, creative, insightful and caring individuals. They aren't trying to be someone they're not. They inspire me everyday! Tuesday, September 20, 2011
A Beautiful Tuesday 9/20/11
Today is too beautiful of a day to do dishes, don't you think? We don't get very many of these in Wisconsin. You are required to take advantage of them.
We filled up the bike tires with fresh air and although DS12 took off pedaling, I really wanted to Wii it. You don't want to know the last day I was on Wii Fit, but its so funny the response you get when the game hasn't logged you for awhile. With windows, (and drapes), wide open, I was Wiiing away as the sidewalk walkers gazed in at me. I didn't care. The peepers just want to see my awesome, I understand.
After our workouts, we watched DS15 dissect a rat. Thankfully it was a virtual rat in a computer game. I don't think many people understand how many educational experiences game play offers.
We begin production on DS15's next mini-movie. We walked over to our cemetery to scout location shots and block scenes. Again I couldn't get over how perfect it is outside, warm, sunny, with a terrific breeze blowing.
I also marveled at how they just don't make headstones like they used to. So many of the older graves have amazing sculptures and monuments. The newer section was all grave markers that were designed to be easy to mow over. When we go back to shoot DS15's movie, I'll bring my camera and try to capture a few to show you.
The spiders allowed me to pick a few lovely pieces of Swiss Chard for our lunch. The leaves are so pretty to me, with the branching out veins running up and out from the stem. For today's harvest I chose all green leaves. I admit, some of the chard is so pretty I don't want to pick it!
I have to run. I'm being summoned to help the boys with a challenge. They're back to gaming this afternoon.
We filled up the bike tires with fresh air and although DS12 took off pedaling, I really wanted to Wii it. You don't want to know the last day I was on Wii Fit, but its so funny the response you get when the game hasn't logged you for awhile. With windows, (and drapes), wide open, I was Wiiing away as the sidewalk walkers gazed in at me. I didn't care. The peepers just want to see my awesome, I understand.
After our workouts, we watched DS15 dissect a rat. Thankfully it was a virtual rat in a computer game. I don't think many people understand how many educational experiences game play offers.
We begin production on DS15's next mini-movie. We walked over to our cemetery to scout location shots and block scenes. Again I couldn't get over how perfect it is outside, warm, sunny, with a terrific breeze blowing.
I also marveled at how they just don't make headstones like they used to. So many of the older graves have amazing sculptures and monuments. The newer section was all grave markers that were designed to be easy to mow over. When we go back to shoot DS15's movie, I'll bring my camera and try to capture a few to show you.
The spiders allowed me to pick a few lovely pieces of Swiss Chard for our lunch. The leaves are so pretty to me, with the branching out veins running up and out from the stem. For today's harvest I chose all green leaves. I admit, some of the chard is so pretty I don't want to pick it!
I have to run. I'm being summoned to help the boys with a challenge. They're back to gaming this afternoon.
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Our Not Back To School Photos
Many of my friends and family are posting backpacked, beautiful children, heading off to their first day of school. I thought I'd share mine too, minus the backpacks of course. Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Unschoolers Waterpark Gathering
| Start: | Jan 23, '12 |
| End: | Jan 27, '12 |
| Location: | Sandusky,OH |
We're hoping the weather cooperates. We'd love to attend this once again, since we had such a great time last May. Going to make our reservation and hope for no blizzards or ice storms!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
ICU 8/24/11
“This week we want to…”
Enjoy a weekend at home. We'll probably plan an ice cream party and make our first batch of homemade ice cream. They have decided our first flavor should be vanilla. I would have went with chocolate, but vanilla can be good too. You can always stir in add ins. :)
“The kids are…”
DS12 used gift money to buy his first air soft gun. (I should actually make that plural. He bought a two pack.) I know these are popular with his peer group, but I had reservations. We had numerous safety discussions, and came to a consensus he was ready. I still am not 100% convinced these plastic air pellets are "environmentally friendly". Too bad the pellets aren't made up of natural fertilizers!
“I am learning….”
How to truly live a fearless life.
“I am struggling with…”
This next coming week was going to be my own personal staycation, but after having to take on an unexpected project this week, it means next week I will have to play catch up. I can also foresee more clean up work coming my way because others are over burdened themselves. I guess I have extremely high expectations of others, and I'm dealing with disappointment this week.
“This week is the first time….”
I'm going to try growing a tree from a cutting. My friend is making homemade growth medium using willow trees, and I'm bringing the cuttings from my neighbor's peach tree.
“I am grateful…”
To have options. Changes are on the horizon, but I will look for the opportunities rather than mourn the past.
“The best piece of advice I’ve ever received regarding our life path in unschooling was…”
There have been so many great pieces of advice! How can I choose the best?
DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY, AND DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANYONE ELSE.
My doubts about unschooling would only creep in when I tried to measure up to someone else's expectations, rather than what was best for my family's needs. When I finally let go and focused ONLY on MY children, that's when I could truly see how perfectly unschooling was working.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Random Thoughts For Thursday 8/18/11
How about some completely random stuff?
Cheese Its have no sugar. So why do I find them so addictive?
Took awhile but the wasps have found the hummingbird feeder I moved just a few feet this season. We will have to move it again and hopefully confuse the wasps, but still welcome the smarter birds.
I never knew what those numbers meant on my washer until my son pointed out to me they refer to the time duration of the wash. I've had this washer for 10 years and this never dawned on me.
We're getting a refund from the dentist. I love our new dentist! I'm worried we'll lose her when she has her baby. They sent an email saying she's cutting her hours after maternity leave, but I'm worried she'll decide not to come back at all. Then again, I bet she has dental school loans to pay.
We're having spaghetti tonight for supper. As much as I want to enjoy the homemade sauce I made from the tomatoes from our garden, at the same time, I feel like protecting the jars. "No! You can't have my precious sauce!! It must be saved!!" I'll get over it and enjoy it.
Can I shop vac my laptop keyboard?
DS15 asked me what time zone the north pole uses. Good question! I love when my kids ask me something I have no clue about. We both get to learn in the process. The beauty of homeschooling! Whenever those who don't get it, ask me, "How can you teach them stuff you don't know," I try not to grin. I hope they someday find their own inner autodidact.
Despite my efforts, I am a homeschool snob. A family at the pool a few weeks ago asked me about homeschooling. They seemed really interested and impressed, but yet couldn't commit to it for their family. Last night the dad came up to me and said, "There's a really good website for you to use with your son. It has instructional videos..."
"Is it Khan Academy?"
"YES! It is. You know of it?" I knew at that moment I was a veteran. Ya dude, been there, done that.
Also last night a mother said to me, "I could never homeschool. They don't listen to me." My heart broke. I wanted to tell her my children listen to me because I listen to them. But how do I say this without sounding judgmental? Its hard to share your parenting style with others without sounding superior as well. I wanted to tell her, my kids really do love and respect us 100% because we have always loved and respected them, unconditionally. It wasn't that difficult.
I stopped being random there didn't I?
Breaking news! There's a chore war going on right now! I just heard DS15 tell DS12, "I cleaned the sink so you're left with the toilet." (I didn't ask them to clean the bathroom.)
"DUDE! That's not cool! Not cool! I wanted the sink." You snooze you lose DS12. DS15 beat you to it.
I actually would prefer the toilet. It seems cleaner than the sink.
DS15 is now cleaning the toilet himself. Interesting. Apparently he doesn't mind doing it even though he cleaned the sink.
Enough randomness. I'm really just procrastinating running to the grocery store.
Have a great day!
Cheese Its have no sugar. So why do I find them so addictive?
Took awhile but the wasps have found the hummingbird feeder I moved just a few feet this season. We will have to move it again and hopefully confuse the wasps, but still welcome the smarter birds.
I never knew what those numbers meant on my washer until my son pointed out to me they refer to the time duration of the wash. I've had this washer for 10 years and this never dawned on me.
We're getting a refund from the dentist. I love our new dentist! I'm worried we'll lose her when she has her baby. They sent an email saying she's cutting her hours after maternity leave, but I'm worried she'll decide not to come back at all. Then again, I bet she has dental school loans to pay.
We're having spaghetti tonight for supper. As much as I want to enjoy the homemade sauce I made from the tomatoes from our garden, at the same time, I feel like protecting the jars. "No! You can't have my precious sauce!! It must be saved!!" I'll get over it and enjoy it.
Can I shop vac my laptop keyboard?
DS15 asked me what time zone the north pole uses. Good question! I love when my kids ask me something I have no clue about. We both get to learn in the process. The beauty of homeschooling! Whenever those who don't get it, ask me, "How can you teach them stuff you don't know," I try not to grin. I hope they someday find their own inner autodidact.
Despite my efforts, I am a homeschool snob. A family at the pool a few weeks ago asked me about homeschooling. They seemed really interested and impressed, but yet couldn't commit to it for their family. Last night the dad came up to me and said, "There's a really good website for you to use with your son. It has instructional videos..."
"Is it Khan Academy?"
"YES! It is. You know of it?" I knew at that moment I was a veteran. Ya dude, been there, done that.
Also last night a mother said to me, "I could never homeschool. They don't listen to me." My heart broke. I wanted to tell her my children listen to me because I listen to them. But how do I say this without sounding judgmental? Its hard to share your parenting style with others without sounding superior as well. I wanted to tell her, my kids really do love and respect us 100% because we have always loved and respected them, unconditionally. It wasn't that difficult.
I stopped being random there didn't I?
Breaking news! There's a chore war going on right now! I just heard DS15 tell DS12, "I cleaned the sink so you're left with the toilet." (I didn't ask them to clean the bathroom.)
"DUDE! That's not cool! Not cool! I wanted the sink." You snooze you lose DS12. DS15 beat you to it.
I actually would prefer the toilet. It seems cleaner than the sink.
DS15 is now cleaning the toilet himself. Interesting. Apparently he doesn't mind doing it even though he cleaned the sink.
Enough randomness. I'm really just procrastinating running to the grocery store.
Have a great day!
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
Unschooling My Filmmaker Son
The cute check out girl saw him with his camera. He told her he was a filmmaker. She mentioned how when she was in high school she directed plays and loved building sets. (How can she be old enough to be out of high school?)
After we left with our groceries, I said to him, "Too bad you didn't have a business card to give her." I offered to later help him print out his own.
I came home from work and he showed me his first official business card. Apparently he didn't need my help.
I'm actually so very impressed he has taken so many steps on his own when it comes to his interest in film making. I've been here to offer suggestions, but he's gone further focusing on details I would have over looked. From designing marketing, to learning software, much of everything he's learned so far has come from his own determination and will.
Whether or not this is how he'll one day make his living doesn't matter. What is so awesome is that he's a full blown autodidact! All I did as his unschooling mother was give him the freedom to follow his own passions and provide a few resources. What I couldn't give him, he found himself. His creativity and resourcefulness has me amazed. Where did this come from?
I had to let go of fears of failure living this lifestyle. I came to realize failure was something that hopefully he would indeed experience! Failure is a necessity when it comes to finding success. Without failure, how can we learn and improve?
Approaching something new without fear holding you back, brings greater results. When you no longer fear failure, but instead use it to your advantage, it removes the risk factor. If this doesn't work out, we'll try something else. We'll keep trying until we get the results we want. We never give up because we're having fun just being engaged in the process.
Giving my children a safe place to fail opens up pathways to their success. How crazy is that?!
After we left with our groceries, I said to him, "Too bad you didn't have a business card to give her." I offered to later help him print out his own.
I came home from work and he showed me his first official business card. Apparently he didn't need my help.
I'm actually so very impressed he has taken so many steps on his own when it comes to his interest in film making. I've been here to offer suggestions, but he's gone further focusing on details I would have over looked. From designing marketing, to learning software, much of everything he's learned so far has come from his own determination and will.
Whether or not this is how he'll one day make his living doesn't matter. What is so awesome is that he's a full blown autodidact! All I did as his unschooling mother was give him the freedom to follow his own passions and provide a few resources. What I couldn't give him, he found himself. His creativity and resourcefulness has me amazed. Where did this come from?
I had to let go of fears of failure living this lifestyle. I came to realize failure was something that hopefully he would indeed experience! Failure is a necessity when it comes to finding success. Without failure, how can we learn and improve?
Approaching something new without fear holding you back, brings greater results. When you no longer fear failure, but instead use it to your advantage, it removes the risk factor. If this doesn't work out, we'll try something else. We'll keep trying until we get the results we want. We never give up because we're having fun just being engaged in the process.
Giving my children a safe place to fail opens up pathways to their success. How crazy is that?!
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
Educational Neglect Vs. Educational Nurturing (Unschooling)
"There's a fine line between educational neglect and unschooling." The person who said this, obviously does not understand exactly what unschooling is.
Educational neglect to me means you have failed to respect the natural instinct of every human being born with a curious, willful drive to learn about the world around them. Unschoolers look for ways to feed and facilitate this process rather than try to get in the way and control it.
For example, educational neglect is forcing a child to struggle to learn to read before they are ready, causing the child a great deal of stress and frustration during which the child learns to hate reading and develops self esteem and confidence issues. The Unschooler models reading from the day their child is born and trusts that in doing so, their child will naturally one day be curious enough to figure out what those words on the page are capable of.
I did not "teach" my children to read, yet they are reading books on their own now. It began with holding my baby in my lap and reading a picture book together. It continued with weekly trips to the library loading up the wagon with books. 3 books before bedtime was our thing, allowing us quality family time before drifting off to sleep. As they grew older, it was naturally more easy to begin to recognize words they saw on a regular basis. If they couldn't read something on their own, I read it for them.
Eventually, the natural progression of independence emerged as my children grew, ensuring that my children wanted to read on their own. Did this happen at age 5? No. I RESPECTED my children's own growth and development. I tried my best not to force them into something they just were not ready for. This is not neglect. This is nurture.
Being with them, truly knowing my children's desires, helped me find pathways for them to accomplish their goals. If I were a neglectful parent, I would not be so connected to them, involved in their lives and their interests.
I trust my children will learn what they need to, and they trust me because I'm the kind of parent who not only puts their needs first, but does so with love and respect. Spiders used to freak me out until my then 5 year old was fascinated with them. I overcame my fear and learned quite a bit about spiders, right alongside my son.
The person who said unschooling was educational neglect did so because he believed in order to learn, you have to know how to read. Reading is one way of learning information, but not the only way. In fact, some people learn better using other methods. An Unschooling parent understands this.
There are so many different ways to receive information and process it. As an Unschooling parent, you create an environment that allows for a safe, secure place in which your child may accomplish this. The definition of an unschooling parent is anything but neglectful because they often end up having no choice but to be very aware of who their children are and what they need.
For years, I made waffles and they watched me. One day, they wanted to place the waffles in the toaster themselves. Later they wanted to know where waffles came from. Where does the store get them? How do they make them at the Eggo plant? Can we make our own waffles? As the unschooling parent I was there, engaged and ready to help them find the answers they needed. Today they make their own waffles and sometimes make one for me too. :)
If I were a neglectful parent, I wouldn't help them find the answers they seek. If I were neglectful, I wouldn't allow them to use the toaster or take them to the grocery store. I wouldn't go to the effort to find a recipe for homemade waffles and gather ingredients. If I were truly neglectful, I would see we need food but decide I'm not going to provide any.
An unschooling parent doesn't have to push their children into being curious and creative. Everyone is naturally born this way. An unschooling parent respects this and nurtures their child to allow them to become the autodidact they were born to be.
Educational neglect to me means you have failed to respect the natural instinct of every human being born with a curious, willful drive to learn about the world around them. Unschoolers look for ways to feed and facilitate this process rather than try to get in the way and control it.
For example, educational neglect is forcing a child to struggle to learn to read before they are ready, causing the child a great deal of stress and frustration during which the child learns to hate reading and develops self esteem and confidence issues. The Unschooler models reading from the day their child is born and trusts that in doing so, their child will naturally one day be curious enough to figure out what those words on the page are capable of.
I did not "teach" my children to read, yet they are reading books on their own now. It began with holding my baby in my lap and reading a picture book together. It continued with weekly trips to the library loading up the wagon with books. 3 books before bedtime was our thing, allowing us quality family time before drifting off to sleep. As they grew older, it was naturally more easy to begin to recognize words they saw on a regular basis. If they couldn't read something on their own, I read it for them.
Eventually, the natural progression of independence emerged as my children grew, ensuring that my children wanted to read on their own. Did this happen at age 5? No. I RESPECTED my children's own growth and development. I tried my best not to force them into something they just were not ready for. This is not neglect. This is nurture.
Being with them, truly knowing my children's desires, helped me find pathways for them to accomplish their goals. If I were a neglectful parent, I would not be so connected to them, involved in their lives and their interests.
I trust my children will learn what they need to, and they trust me because I'm the kind of parent who not only puts their needs first, but does so with love and respect. Spiders used to freak me out until my then 5 year old was fascinated with them. I overcame my fear and learned quite a bit about spiders, right alongside my son.
The person who said unschooling was educational neglect did so because he believed in order to learn, you have to know how to read. Reading is one way of learning information, but not the only way. In fact, some people learn better using other methods. An Unschooling parent understands this.
There are so many different ways to receive information and process it. As an Unschooling parent, you create an environment that allows for a safe, secure place in which your child may accomplish this. The definition of an unschooling parent is anything but neglectful because they often end up having no choice but to be very aware of who their children are and what they need.
For years, I made waffles and they watched me. One day, they wanted to place the waffles in the toaster themselves. Later they wanted to know where waffles came from. Where does the store get them? How do they make them at the Eggo plant? Can we make our own waffles? As the unschooling parent I was there, engaged and ready to help them find the answers they needed. Today they make their own waffles and sometimes make one for me too. :)
If I were a neglectful parent, I wouldn't help them find the answers they seek. If I were neglectful, I wouldn't allow them to use the toaster or take them to the grocery store. I wouldn't go to the effort to find a recipe for homemade waffles and gather ingredients. If I were truly neglectful, I would see we need food but decide I'm not going to provide any.
An unschooling parent doesn't have to push their children into being curious and creative. Everyone is naturally born this way. An unschooling parent respects this and nurtures their child to allow them to become the autodidact they were born to be.
Monday, June 06, 2011
Un-Scheduling
One question we unschoolers get often is, "What does a typical day look like in your home?"
For us, there is no typical day. Of course there are tasks and habits we follow each day, (we eat, play, clean, rest, in any given order), but we very much go with the flow where the river of life takes us.
I actually prefer not scheduling things to the clock. I may wake up and decide I want to go to the library, but I want the freedom to decide when it FEELS like the right time to go. So much of our living and learning is based on respecting what our minds and bodies need at the moment.
We try to connect to ourselves and each other, in such a way that we are ready to receive all that life has to offer. We're not running on autopilot when we are engaged. I believe we learn better this way.
In order to be able to connect and engage, we have to tend to our needs. We sleep when sleepy, we eat when hungry, we move when we feel kinetic. Our bodies and minds have their own biological clocks and this internal time piece changes as our needs change. Sometimes its more wound up than at other times. There are times we are excited to ride the rapids and other times we drop anchor or relax through calmer waters.
This is one reason why scheduling doesn't work so well for us. Not much in our lives is constant. We expect change and crave it. I think this has helped us learn to be very adaptive. I also believe this is why we tend to be successful in our pursuits. Aside from the obvious, we are passionate about our interests, the evolutionary process sometimes required to move through and towards your goal FEELS right to us, because we are used to and expecting change. We are not living our lives prisoner to the clock.
Following our own time tables does not mean we are disrespectful of the needs of others around us. Ask my boss how many times I've been late for work. She'll tell you I usually end up showing up a few minutes early before every shift. My son may appear to be a late sleeper, but our kitty has one of the cleanest litter boxes I've seen. He always cleans it first thing in the morning and before he goes to bed at night, without me having to ask him. He does this because he loves our cat and wants her to be healthy. He's found his own rhythm for getting done what he wants and needs to, while respecting the needs of others.
The portion of our time shared with others sometimes has to be scheduled, but this isn't difficult because so much of our time is exactly that, its OURS. We can balance that out.
I think if we were constantly scheduled we'd be exhausted and/or we'd have to switch to autopilot to function. We wouldn't be as creative because we'd worry about being in the box rather than outside of it.
Allowing ourselves the freedom to check within ourselves for what we're up for, helps us be more happy and healthy.
For us, there is no typical day. Of course there are tasks and habits we follow each day, (we eat, play, clean, rest, in any given order), but we very much go with the flow where the river of life takes us.
I actually prefer not scheduling things to the clock. I may wake up and decide I want to go to the library, but I want the freedom to decide when it FEELS like the right time to go. So much of our living and learning is based on respecting what our minds and bodies need at the moment.
We try to connect to ourselves and each other, in such a way that we are ready to receive all that life has to offer. We're not running on autopilot when we are engaged. I believe we learn better this way.
In order to be able to connect and engage, we have to tend to our needs. We sleep when sleepy, we eat when hungry, we move when we feel kinetic. Our bodies and minds have their own biological clocks and this internal time piece changes as our needs change. Sometimes its more wound up than at other times. There are times we are excited to ride the rapids and other times we drop anchor or relax through calmer waters.
This is one reason why scheduling doesn't work so well for us. Not much in our lives is constant. We expect change and crave it. I think this has helped us learn to be very adaptive. I also believe this is why we tend to be successful in our pursuits. Aside from the obvious, we are passionate about our interests, the evolutionary process sometimes required to move through and towards your goal FEELS right to us, because we are used to and expecting change. We are not living our lives prisoner to the clock.
Following our own time tables does not mean we are disrespectful of the needs of others around us. Ask my boss how many times I've been late for work. She'll tell you I usually end up showing up a few minutes early before every shift. My son may appear to be a late sleeper, but our kitty has one of the cleanest litter boxes I've seen. He always cleans it first thing in the morning and before he goes to bed at night, without me having to ask him. He does this because he loves our cat and wants her to be healthy. He's found his own rhythm for getting done what he wants and needs to, while respecting the needs of others.
The portion of our time shared with others sometimes has to be scheduled, but this isn't difficult because so much of our time is exactly that, its OURS. We can balance that out.
I think if we were constantly scheduled we'd be exhausted and/or we'd have to switch to autopilot to function. We wouldn't be as creative because we'd worry about being in the box rather than outside of it.
Allowing ourselves the freedom to check within ourselves for what we're up for, helps us be more happy and healthy.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Confessions Of An Unschooling Mother
I'm not a saint. I'm not the mother of the year. I'm not that organized or insightful. Truth be told, its not that difficult.
I simply love them unconditionally and respect them. I use my best judgment to keep them out of harms way, but I've learned to let go and focus on what really matters, my relationship with them.
Everyday I tell them I love them and always show affection. Instead of kisses I get fist bumps and maybe an occasional "man hug", but I accept they are young men, not my little boys anymore.
I respect and trust them enough to not stand in their way. They've had to be patient with me as I've had to deschool myself and evolve from the type of parenting I was raised with.
When doubts began to sneak in, I learned that meant I wasn't spending enough time in their world. Directing my focus on them and not the outside world's expectations helped quickly eliminate any doubt our unschooling lifestyle was working beautifully.
I also learned there was an autodidact within myself that was just as anxious to learn about the world as they were. When your lifestyle follows your own passions, you can't help but model that for your children. Little did they know I learned how to do this from their example.
My children don't fight. They have disagreements, but they discuss them. I remember spraying my brother with Windex in anger along with throwing a set of keys at him nearly taking out his eye. My boys are better people than I was at their age.
My children will help out around the house, often without being asked to do so. I have never seen any teen rebellion in my boys. I think this is because we give them so much freedom along with respect.
I don't schedule their life. They can choose for themselves how their day plays out. Most times when we invite them to share an experience with us as a family, they op in.
Before you think my boys are Stepford children, I can prove otherwise by showing you the dust bunny colonies in their room.
We've just learned how to focus on the important things in life, loving and respecting each other. Once this was in place, the rest came so easy.
I simply love them unconditionally and respect them. I use my best judgment to keep them out of harms way, but I've learned to let go and focus on what really matters, my relationship with them.
Everyday I tell them I love them and always show affection. Instead of kisses I get fist bumps and maybe an occasional "man hug", but I accept they are young men, not my little boys anymore.
I respect and trust them enough to not stand in their way. They've had to be patient with me as I've had to deschool myself and evolve from the type of parenting I was raised with.
When doubts began to sneak in, I learned that meant I wasn't spending enough time in their world. Directing my focus on them and not the outside world's expectations helped quickly eliminate any doubt our unschooling lifestyle was working beautifully.
I also learned there was an autodidact within myself that was just as anxious to learn about the world as they were. When your lifestyle follows your own passions, you can't help but model that for your children. Little did they know I learned how to do this from their example.
My children don't fight. They have disagreements, but they discuss them. I remember spraying my brother with Windex in anger along with throwing a set of keys at him nearly taking out his eye. My boys are better people than I was at their age.
My children will help out around the house, often without being asked to do so. I have never seen any teen rebellion in my boys. I think this is because we give them so much freedom along with respect.
I don't schedule their life. They can choose for themselves how their day plays out. Most times when we invite them to share an experience with us as a family, they op in.
Before you think my boys are Stepford children, I can prove otherwise by showing you the dust bunny colonies in their room.
We've just learned how to focus on the important things in life, loving and respecting each other. Once this was in place, the rest came so easy.
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Cleverbot, Real Life & Difficult Decisions
We've been spending a great deal of time playing with Cleverbot. There is something so amusing to me about sarcastic artificial intelligence. You'll have to check it out- www.cleverbot.com . Of course, maybe I enjoy watching the boys interact with it more. They are more clever and witty than I am.
My son told me his public high schooled pal was required to watch Degrassi during school hours because it helped them learn about "real life". I nearly spit out my iced tea. If anyone ever criticizes our unschooling choices, I'm saving this one for ammunition.
I asked my son if he thought a fictional show, designed to generate profit from marketing dollars, was the best choice for learning about REAL life? I'm happy to report he gets it. Why not learn about REAL life by living it in the REAL world?
In fairness, we've never watched Degrassi, just the promos, but from what we gather, none of our REAL friends resemble Degrassi drama. I'd also like to give the school the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the teacher was trying to use a work of fiction to teach values, and I have nothing against using works of art as tools of instruction. However, what came out of this young man's mouth was, "We HAVE to watch it because it teaches us about REAL life." Do you see the problem here? Actually there's several red flags in that statement for me.
Onto something else that has my feathers ruffled. I'm weighing a decision that pulls against what my heart wants and what my head says I should do. I'm leaning towards what my head says, which is so unlike me. I always follow my heart!
I can't just list the pros and cons because each line item carries a different value, which is difficult for me to truly access. This decision could help me reach certain goals, but not in the way I had originally intended. I'm being challenged with having to head down a different path, TRUSTING in that it will all work out.
I know what I want, but I can't see how to get there. A path presents itself and I can't see exactly where its going to lead. Do I trust it and follow? I have to remember I always carry with me the strength and wisdom to TURN AROUND or find a new path if my journey becomes unhealthy or takes me away from my dream. So I'm going with my head, not my heart. It will hurt, but I've learned these past years that through pain comes increased strength and endurance.
Having this opportunity come to me isn't something I've engineered so there is a feeling I'm somehow taking a step backward because I'm seizing something I haven't worked for, but there will be a sacrifice I have to make. I only hope I can balance it all out.
Alright, if you're still reading this, I'm amazed you're that interested in my deep thoughts. I write these for me to think. And to kill time, which I've sufficiently done now. Time to stop working on myself and do a little work for others.
My son told me his public high schooled pal was required to watch Degrassi during school hours because it helped them learn about "real life". I nearly spit out my iced tea. If anyone ever criticizes our unschooling choices, I'm saving this one for ammunition.
I asked my son if he thought a fictional show, designed to generate profit from marketing dollars, was the best choice for learning about REAL life? I'm happy to report he gets it. Why not learn about REAL life by living it in the REAL world?
In fairness, we've never watched Degrassi, just the promos, but from what we gather, none of our REAL friends resemble Degrassi drama. I'd also like to give the school the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the teacher was trying to use a work of fiction to teach values, and I have nothing against using works of art as tools of instruction. However, what came out of this young man's mouth was, "We HAVE to watch it because it teaches us about REAL life." Do you see the problem here? Actually there's several red flags in that statement for me.
Onto something else that has my feathers ruffled. I'm weighing a decision that pulls against what my heart wants and what my head says I should do. I'm leaning towards what my head says, which is so unlike me. I always follow my heart!
I can't just list the pros and cons because each line item carries a different value, which is difficult for me to truly access. This decision could help me reach certain goals, but not in the way I had originally intended. I'm being challenged with having to head down a different path, TRUSTING in that it will all work out.
I know what I want, but I can't see how to get there. A path presents itself and I can't see exactly where its going to lead. Do I trust it and follow? I have to remember I always carry with me the strength and wisdom to TURN AROUND or find a new path if my journey becomes unhealthy or takes me away from my dream. So I'm going with my head, not my heart. It will hurt, but I've learned these past years that through pain comes increased strength and endurance.
Having this opportunity come to me isn't something I've engineered so there is a feeling I'm somehow taking a step backward because I'm seizing something I haven't worked for, but there will be a sacrifice I have to make. I only hope I can balance it all out.
Alright, if you're still reading this, I'm amazed you're that interested in my deep thoughts. I write these for me to think. And to kill time, which I've sufficiently done now. Time to stop working on myself and do a little work for others.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Why Unschool?
http://whyunschool.info/?page=home
A wonderful site about unschooling written by two grown unschoolers.
A wonderful site about unschooling written by two grown unschoolers.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
The Power Of Choice
"Children learn how to make good decisions by making decisions, not by following directions." - Alfie Kohn.
This is another reason why unschooling works so well. When you don't interrupt a child's natural curiosity and you help facilitate their right to choose, they will develop great decision making skills.
I am a horrible decision maker because I'm afraid of failure. I was raised in public school. Follow these directions and do it this way. Memorize these answers and I'll give you a test. You better score highly on the test if you want to please us. I will probably be forever deschooling myself, learning to trust myself.
I'm grateful my children are growing up differently. Within the boundaries of safety, they are given complete freedom to decide. Except for our expectations of love and respect they are free to fail or succeed. I know they learn from both outcomes, perhaps even more from failure.
They carve their own paths, using inspiration from the world around them, but always deciding for themselves the steps, the pace, the direction.
This is another reason why unschooling works so well. When you don't interrupt a child's natural curiosity and you help facilitate their right to choose, they will develop great decision making skills.
I am a horrible decision maker because I'm afraid of failure. I was raised in public school. Follow these directions and do it this way. Memorize these answers and I'll give you a test. You better score highly on the test if you want to please us. I will probably be forever deschooling myself, learning to trust myself.
I'm grateful my children are growing up differently. Within the boundaries of safety, they are given complete freedom to decide. Except for our expectations of love and respect they are free to fail or succeed. I know they learn from both outcomes, perhaps even more from failure.
They carve their own paths, using inspiration from the world around them, but always deciding for themselves the steps, the pace, the direction.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Where Did This Come From?
DS11, soon to be DS12, just asked me what it was like to be a parent. He's sitting over there, gaming away, while I'm checking up on all of your Facebook updates, and he casually drops that one on me.
This is a push the chair away from the computer moment.
I'm back now. I told him the answer to this question could not easily be summed up with just a few sentences, but I did my best.
I told him being a parent is a gift. It changes your life in ways you can't imagine. Your life becomes secondary to the life of your child. There is nothing you wouldn't do for your child to make sure they are loved, safe and provided for. You learn more about love than you ever thought possible. You begin to really understand unconditional love from the direction of being the giver not the receiver.
Then I knew I had to hit pause before I began to lose his interest. :)
I asked him why he had asked me this question and he said he didn't know. He said he was just curious.
I love being home and available for when questions like these come up. You can't predict when your children are going to ask what they do most of the time. Homeschooling has really given us the opportunity to get to know each other in a more natural way.
This is a push the chair away from the computer moment.
I'm back now. I told him the answer to this question could not easily be summed up with just a few sentences, but I did my best.
I told him being a parent is a gift. It changes your life in ways you can't imagine. Your life becomes secondary to the life of your child. There is nothing you wouldn't do for your child to make sure they are loved, safe and provided for. You learn more about love than you ever thought possible. You begin to really understand unconditional love from the direction of being the giver not the receiver.
Then I knew I had to hit pause before I began to lose his interest. :)
I asked him why he had asked me this question and he said he didn't know. He said he was just curious.
I love being home and available for when questions like these come up. You can't predict when your children are going to ask what they do most of the time. Homeschooling has really given us the opportunity to get to know each other in a more natural way.
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