ABC Game

A: Age - 42 ~ I had to actually do the math.

B: Bed size - Queen

C: Chinese food dish - last time I had Chinese it was cashew chicken

D: Dentist name - Dr Botts

E: Early bird or night owl - Depends on the day and my hormones

F: Favorite color - Indigo

G: Gold or silver - Indifferent

H: Height - 5' 5"

I: Ink -Blue

J: Jellybean - Pear flavor Jelly Belly brand

K: Kitchen meal or restaurant - Restaurant!!

L: Living arrangements - Sleepyhouse in Heavensville with DH, DS15, DS12, Yumi,Gust and Tornado

M: Month of birth - August

N: Nicknames - I don't have one. I guess "mom" LOL!

O: On time or late - Early 

P: Pet peeve - disrespect

Q: Quote from a movie - "And those are the words of a gentleman. From the first moment I met you, your arrogance and conceit, your selfish disdain for the feelings of others made me realize that you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry." 

R: Right or left-handed - It depends on what I'm doing. 

S: Siblings - 3 sisters, 1 brother 

T: Time you wake up - There is no set time. It varies.

U: Urgent thing on your to-do list: CHILLAX - Work's been stressful this week

V: Vegetable you dislike: water chestnuts or baby corn in Chinese. They taste horribly canned. Actually any canned veggie is pretty gross. I'll try any veggie fresh or steamed. 

W: Wishing for - A constant peaceful, calm state of mind and a healthy body

X: X-rays you've had - Why is this interesting? Teeth, squished girls, back, head MRI, CT body scan - Wait is this question to freak me out with how much radiation  I've been exposed to throughout my life!?

Y: Yummy food you make - I'm known for my baking but I'm trying to prepare more more fresh, raw foodie dishes.

Z: Zoo favorite - Tigers, It saddens me they have to be confined in zoo habitats but their survival in the wild isn't going to last much longer.

Thankful Thursday 3/24/11

I opened the blinds and waited for her arrival. I have missed her presence. She arrived with brilliance and I faced her, enjoying her blessing through my closed eyes. I'm grateful for an unfiltered dawn.

Hopefully this will lead to an unfiltered Dawn as well. I've been off my groove, hitting speed bumps and detours, and this has dimmed my shine.

Today we are officially covered on health and dental insurance. I'm very grateful no one got sick, suffered any injuries or dental needs while we waited out the waiting period. My heart goes out to the many families still living without options. Having been there, I can tell you first hand there were times we should have visited the doctor/dentist but we put it off due to the costs involved not being insured. This isn't how it should work. Preventative care is key in avoiding larger, more costly treatments later.

I've been more busy than usual with work and the projects are stacking up. I'm grateful to have a job though. I'll keep plugging away, and I'm sure I'll catch up once we get settled into our new spring session.

I'm grateful to have such a loving, supportive family. I still get the question from the boys, "Do you HAVE to work today?" It nice to know they still miss me, even though they are older and more capable of taking care of themselves. DS15 always tells me to "drive safe" and this warms my heart.

I truly have an amazing husband. He has very strong work ethic, and now that he's no longer a contract employee, he's had to work overtime every week this past month. He does it all without complaint, and when he comes home to our nest, he's forgiving and understanding if there are dishes waiting to be washed or laundry needing to be put away. After working hard all day, he'll still pitch in at home. I'll grateful for all he does for us.

Today is homeschool posse day! I'm so grateful to have inspirational friends. Thursday afternoons always recharge me.

Not Much Sleeping In The Sleepyhouse Lately

I guess our protest plans have to change and we'll be protesting this morning in spirit. Originally we were going to march at our state capitol to show our support for *libraries. DS12 however, didn't sleep more than an hour last night. He finally felt relaxed enough to try to fall asleep at 7:00am, so this changes our plans.

I slept from 10:00pm to 5:00am which is pretty good for me lately. The night before I only slept from 11:00pm to just before 4:00am but when I tried to nap later, I couldn't fall asleep. I think its hormones, the moon, spring equinox, and biting off more than I should. I'm trying to relax and not stress over it. Eventually my body will get it figured out.

So today will be a take it easy day. I'll try to get some reading in and when my sleepyheads finally wake up, I'll help them take it easy too.

*Our governor wants to cut funding to libraries. Of course as homeschoolers, our library is essential to us, but I also know the library provides resources for everyone in the community which improves their lives. A great example, when you're laid off, you have to job search online. Its where most job postings now are. If you're unemployed, you may not be able to afford internet access at home. The library provides free internet access, allowing people to look for work.

Libraries offer the opportunity for all citizens to further their education for free!! Educated people make for better productive citizens. I'm very upset our governor can give 500 million in tax breaks to the wealthy and big business by taking away educational resources from the poor and middle class.

 

First Spring Day Thoughts 3/20/11

Its the first day of spring here in Wisconsin, and we woke up to a thunderstorm! I loved it! The rain may change to snow later this week as our temperatures are predicted to go back down. I really hope the white stuff doesn't stick because with all this rain we are beginning to see things green up a bit.

I'm taking some time to finalize our Sleepyhouse garden plans for the 2011 growing season. I have a long wish list of herbs and veggies to grow, and I'm not 100% certain our existing raised beds can handle it all. We may just have to convert more grass to garden space!

I have a new toy! We took some tax return money and invested in a lap top. We had been thinking e-reader but that evolved into a tablet. After more thought we didn't feel comfortable spending all that money on a tablet when we found a laptop for less money with more functionality. Our new laptop came preloaded with Nook reader, and I've also downloaded Adobe Digital Editions so we can borrow free e-books from our library system and keep all our e-reading options in one place. I'm currently reading, You Can Do It Too, 20 Essential Things Every Budding Entrepreneur Should Know, by Rachel Bridge. Which is another reason we've invested in another family computer. Hopefully we'll figure out a home business opportunity soon.

DS15 has been exploring job listings. I know he's thinking about heading out and earning his own money. A few of his older friends have already done this. As he's begun exploring options, it dawned on me once he finds a part-time job, we'll see less of him. Weekend road trips, family outings, gathering with friends, these events could become more rare as he needs to shift his attention to work. This made me a little sad. Not that I don't want my offspring to fly from the nest and test their wings. I'm just going to miss him. It will be a foreshadow of my life to come, after the boys have left the Sleepyhouse.

This has motivated me to get serious about this family business dream. I would love something we all could be a part of either in a full or part-time fashion. Even if the boys eventually decide NOT to work with us, maybe it would give me the flexibility to have a little time left to share in their lives.

We streamed two good movies through Netflix this weekend. Ahhh... Zombies turned out to be a fun low budget zombie flick where the story is told from the zombies' perspective. The second movie we streamed was Monsters. DH and I really enjoyed it but the boys not so much. It turned out to be more of a love story than a monster story. 

We've also been watching March Madness this weekend. Wisconsin has made it to the final 16! Yeah!

My mind keeps wandering back to my garden. I suppose I'll end this and follow that train of thought for awhile. Peace out!

Zombie Mode

I haven't been sleeping well the past 3, or is that 4, nights. I've lost track. I could blame the grizzly bear I share a bed with, but truly I think its more me than him.

I'm still doing nightly relaxation visualization, listening to Jon Gabriel on my MP3 player, but afterward, I'm not falling asleep. Instead my mind starts back up, racing away.

Its not about stressful stuff either. I'm just overly excited about the abundant possibilities of life. The autodidact in me starts thinking about all the things I want to learn about and do. Am I so relaxed after my visualization practice that it frees my mind to dream up too much ambition?

Once I finally do fall asleep, I don't stay that way for long. The slightest thing will wake me and then I'm WIDE awake, racing thoughts once again.

Maybe its hormones?

Maybe its spring?

I have been watching my caffeine and drinking mostly water. Maybe I need to practice a different meditation before bed where instead of visualizing myself healthy and fit, enjoying all kinds of activities, I focus on quieting down my mind.

What's crazy considering my serious sleep deprivation is that I'm constantly amping up my day to day life. I can't just sit back and do the usual routine. I seem to create more and more projects for myself both at home and at work.

Am I going to crash and burn? Probably. I know I can't keep up this pace without getting at least 7 hours of sleep. The 3-4 I'm most likely averaging after you add it all up is not going to sustain me very much longer.

I seriously hope I can find a more healthy, balanced life rhythm. 

Do your habits aline with your desires?

Thankful Thursday 3/10/11

I still technically have 54 minutes of Thursday left so I'm cranking this out before I jump into my jammies and pop my ear buds in.

I'm grateful for....

Realizing how many wonderful friends bless my life ~ It just hit me today how abundant they are around me.

Direct deposit of tax refunds ~ Especially when waiting for DH's new payday schedule!

Baby spinach and strawberries ~ So perfect together!

A great place to work with a great team of co-workers!

It was a skunk, not a deer. ~ And he/she didn't leave this world spraying!

The homeschool posse will remain together! ~ Our friends don't have to move after all!

He wanted to call me, just because he needed to hear my voice.

An 8 month old smiled and shared her joy with me ~ Everyone should hold a baby every now and then. Its wonderful therapy.

I know the truth. ~ And it makes my soul laugh with excitement and delight!

Day 5 - Definitely over the hump. By tomorrow I'm predicting I'll be back to normal and the rhino will have left the building.

Bakies!

DH ~ "Why haven't you baked anything in several weeks?"

Me ~ "What do you want me to bake?" 

DH ~ "Cookies."

Me ~ "What kind? Peanut butter or chocolate chip?"

DH ~ "Yes."

I think maybe its due to my new relaxed lifestyle, but I haven't craved *bakies in awhile. I guess my family is going through withdrawal though even if I'm not.

I'm amazed at how my food choices and portions are changing without me really having to stress over it. I'm very happy so far with how the Gabriel Method is working for me. I seem to be able to relax and that helps me focus on how I'm feeling. Is my stomach truly hungry or am I reaching for food for a different reason? The visualizations must really be helping me.

* Cookies have been renamed "bakies". A friend's son pointed out you don't cook cookies, you bake them. Therefore I will now always refer to cookies as bakies. :)

Day 4 - Revenge of the sinus cavities!

Sniff, sniff. Day 3. I suppose it could be worse. My immune system needs a little work out every now and then to stay sharp, right?

Mind Over Fatter

I have just finished watching Fat Head with the boys. A year or so ago we had watched Super Size Me. Fat Head is the counter to Super Size Me. After watching both films, I think both of these film makers received the dietary results they were expecting because this was what their MINDS had wanted. They both set out to make their films prove a certain point, and in both cases, they both succeeded.

If you haven't seen the film Fat Head, Tom Naughton eats nothing but fast food for a month and loses weight. In Super Size Me Morgan Spurlock gains it. Fat Head goes into detail on how we were lied to about eating saturated fats and how our diet of grains and sugars is what really is damaging our health.

I still believe - moderation in all things - but I also believe what we think about our food, effects it's result on us. How we eat, is perhaps more important than what we eat. If you believe something is bad for you, it will be. If you believe something is good, it will be.

I discussed with the boys the placebo effect. Patients given sugar pills were healed because they believed they were taking something that would have that desired effect. Our minds are very powerful.

I will not get sick. I will not get sick. I will not get sick. My immune system is strong. My immune system is strong. My immune system is strong.

Yumi, You Will Have To Move

I began installing our kitchen flooring this past weekend. Its been on the project list for quite a while, since last fall really. Its nothing fancy, but I like how it looks. I wanted something that looked like stone that would hide dirt.

I was so tired of trying to keep our original floor looking clean. Its 15 years old and white. Keeping it looking good was an impossible task. I've made my boys promise one day if they are blessed with a wife, make sure she doesn't have a white floor to try and keep clean.

It wasn't in our budget to rip up the old vinyl and use real stone. With this peel and stick vinyl tile from Armstrong, we don't have to remove the existing vinyl. I really like that. With some old vinyl it can be dangerous to remove it if its older. It could have asbestos. Our vinyl isn't that old, but I still like that it doesn't have to end up in a landfill.

Installation is going in pretty easy. The only problem I'm having, other than keeping cat fur off the floor, is I keep staring at the tiles and trying to figure out how best to position them. I need to let go and go for a random look, but I'm obsessing, worrying about patterns popping out with the stone look. I'm sure I'd be faster if I didn't stare at each tile for several minutes.

I'm going to finish up the corner and then DH will move the heavy furniture tonight so I can continue working my way across the kitchen. DH will then be able to help me cut and install the transition pieces between our living room and kitchen. It may be taking time, but we'll get there.

 

Monday's Mumbling Musings

On icy days like this, I'm glad we can stay warm and safe in the Sleepyhouse. Well, my hatch-lings did. I had to scrape off the car and slide to the library to return some things. 

I was rewarded though. I found the book Mini Farming Self Sufficiency On 1/4 Of An Acre by Brett Markham. I need to start thinking about seed starting soon.

Working with DH we made excellent purging progress around the computer desk and the table next to it. Visually it feels so good! I can't wait to install shelving above the computer desk area to ensure we can keep the desk clear of clutter.

Speaking of DH, I can now tell you the secret I've been keeping! Today is his first official day as a PERMANENT employee! No more contract work through the temp agency!!! Yeah!!! So today he is officially no longer UNEMPLOYED!!! YEAH!!!! I'm so happy for him. Its been 16 months since he was laid off. He's been working as a contract employee for 8 months, but we knew that arrangement could end before June.

He interviewed for the position on a Monday and was told they were going to interview other applicants for the next two weeks. Less than 24 hours later they offered him the position! So much for waiting 2 weeks!

DH thought he wasn't going to be offered the position because almost the entire current drafting department had applied as internal applicants. I knew he'd get it when they asked him during the interview, "How would you handle having to point out mistakes to the current drafters working below you?" They obviously were considering him even though he was an "outside" applicant. I knew he had the experience that would give him the advantage.

I'm hoping he can start to settle in and get comfortable once again. I think it still hasn't sunk in. They moved his work space to an official employee cubicle, but I think he's still operating with caution so to speak. I'll have to get used to him potentially working more than 40 hours a week, but at least at this job, he gets paid overtime! His previous employer did not and the contract temp agency wouldn't approve any overtime hours.

I can smell our baking bread rolls. I suppose I should go and check on them. That's another perk to being home on an icy day. I can bake and warm up the house!

Stay safe everyone!

Wisconsin shaved ice available! Today's flavor, car window!

Why Unschool?

http://whyunschool.info/?page=home
A wonderful site about unschooling written by two grown unschoolers.

I need to channel my domestic goddess today. Have a nice sleep computer. Dust bunnies you better start running.

What If We Represented Ourselves?

I have been so frustrated with government for so long now. Despite our right to vote, it rarely seems to be a representation of us. Government has actually taken the power from us and no longer represents our voice.

It seems ridiculous to me, in this day and age, that we vote to elect a representative into office and that person then makes all the decisions on our behalf. Well, they are suppose to make decisions based on OUR behalf, but of course their own agendas are what comes into play.

A person running for office will promise anything to get elected. Why don't we require them to draw up contracts and if they breach them, why can't we have them removed from office in a more easily fashion than impeachment or recall? This method would actually be too murky still.

I want a world in which we no longer have representatives, but rather we represent ourselves. In this information age, why can't we have more opportunities to vote on everyday issues? Can we set up a system where we are allowed to have our voices heard more frequently than every few years?

What if all bills must be considered for public vote? There's no more House or Senate, its just us. Couldn't we figure out a way to develop a system to allow all of us to more collectively figure out what is fair? Can't we find a secure way to use our computer technology to allow the general public access to a fair exchange of ideas? (Leave the media and lobbyists out of it!)

I'd love to be able to read bills and vote on them using my computer. If you think this would become too time consuming, maybe a person could choose to vote on only those bills pertaining to his interests? I'm sure some bills would get much more attention than others, but this would be okay.

Am I trying to micromanage my government? Maybe I am, but I do know our government is broke, as in not working and as in financially. We need to try something else.

Perhaps I'm also giving too much credit to the intelligence of our citizens. We've been dumbed down for so long now, is it too late for us to wake up and think for ourselves?

Have You Said Something Uplifting Today?

Lately in the Sleepyhouse we've been discussing the power of words. I came across a great article, click here,  that I really believe in.

Several months ago a dear friend pointed out to me how much damage I was doing to myself by labeling what I eat as "evil", "sinful", "bad" etc. I hadn't really thought about the effect I was bringing on until she called me on this.

Words are thoughts set free. Once spoken, no longer hidden, you cannot wrangle them back to your control.

My meditation has taught me thoughts are very powerful. Releasing those thoughts out in the form of words and actions is even more stronger because you've shared it with others.

If I say, "Brownies taste good, but are so bad for me," I am telling my body I am choosing to poison it. That statement damages my self esteem, enabling my body to damage itself. I may even reach for another brownie hoping somehow to find that which I lacked to receive from the first brownie. I could easily open up a binge cycle trying desperately to find satisfaction.

If I say, "Brownies taste good and I really enjoy eating one," I am giving my body permission to enjoy the brownie while staying positive. I'll have a better chance to feel satisfied with one brownie, and there's less of a chance I'll reach for #2.

Moderation is easy when you are in tune with your body and you're in a relaxed, positive state of mind. Think of how carefree children eat. They stop when they are full, and they do not obsess or worry over their food.

The power of a positive word applies to all things, not just eating. I can praise and uplift a person with my words and the motivation for that person to do the same is contagious.

Unfortunately, right now I'm exposed to more people using negativity. I'm trying to focus on the few others who are positive and uplifting. From the wonderful stranger yesterday who completely out of the blue said to me, "Howdy! Howdy! Have a great day," to the kind sandwich maker who always remembers how my son prefers his sandwich. These seemingly little things are really big deals to me.

I keep visualizing positive, supportive people coming into my life. It helps me feel safe. It helps me feel excited about embracing this life I've been given. It motivates me to continue forward. Its my key to becoming a more giving person. 

"Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier." ~ Mother Teresa

Happy Valentine's Day!

I made two types of brownies, Betty Crocker boxed and homemade using America's Test Kitchen's recipe. Which would you prefer?

Personally, DH & I love the homemade recipe better, but out of love I made the boys a boxed brownie as requested. The homemade recipe uses several different types of chocolate. They came out perfectly chewy, with intense chocolate flavor. I found myself satisfied with just eating one.

We celebrated yesterday, having lunch out together as a family and then taking a walk outside at the zoo. The weather is warming up this week and all the snow is melting. It was a wet, slushy walk, but the fresh air felt good. We saw a few zoo favorites, but others were still wintering elsewhere. In the indoor exhibits we couldn't get over how active the snakes were. Usually they just lay there. I guess our zoo does have real snakes.

Tonight I'm going to try and make us a heart healthy Valentine's supper. I'm thinking roasted chicken, broccoli and baked potatoes. DH & I had our date night last Friday going out for fish fry.

For the weekend purging mission, I went through our medicine storage. I guess we've been relatively healthy since I found so many unused, expired products. It felt good to clear these out, making room for tea mugs instead. Hopefully we'll get through the rest of winter remaining healthy.

The next purge project should be paper, but that never seems to end. I get too easily distracted picking up old magazines thinking I'm going to re-read articles. I've been much better going through newer magazines right away and then recycling them. I also try to get most of my magazines from the library so they can't sit around my house indefinitely. I'll get there. Its just more slow going.

Speaking of the library, I think I've killed enough time we can now head out and walk up to the library. It should open by the time we get there.

Have a great Valentine's Day!

I'm In Complete Zen Mode Dudes

I'm trying not to get excited about the possibility I may soon be buying a new kitchen trash can. A girl shouldn't count her chickens right?

There is a secret hidden in the above paragraph I can't yet reveal, but as I contemplate the possible changes coming my way, I'm discovering I'm challenging my old way of thinking. Count my chickens, I will indeed! I choose to live my life with the expectation those eggs WILL hatch. This is a new part to my new life.

Part of my healing process has required I address my fear of lack and loss. I'm not sure how or when that fear seed was planted. I grew up well cared for physically, but perhaps emotionally I wasn't?

Anyway, it doesn't matter how or when it happened. I can pull this fear weed from my garden and release it to my spiritual composter. I now am practicing abundance visualizations and truly seeing and FEELING how much I have.

I know to some, I must be sounding like a new age crazy girl these days, but I've tapped into something real and powerful. I feel so much potential is possible, I can't help but feel abundance is truly surrounding us, always.

I am very Chillaxed. :)

Pain now signals to me I'm healing. Pain went from meaning, something is wrong - HELP ME, to here is another thorn on a new branch that will lead to a beautiful bloom. Traveling the distance to the flower, across those thorns is something that happens regardless of my actions. Life is always changing, in motion fulfilling God's desire we are brought to abundance, peace and love.

The journey there really does make us stronger. I understand now those thorns keep predators from chewing away the branch, cutting off the blossom. Life's challenges serve us, propelling us forward if we chose to face and grow towards the unknown, rather than trying to head back to where we began.

I only wish I had more time each day to meditate. If I've had these revelations after only a few minutes of relaxing visualization every day or so, imagine the progress I could make if I had more time!

Patience Grasshopper - Think of all the off shooting branches I will create, all leading to blooming blessings, if I focus on growing and not measuring time.

I tried to enjoy a mini Snickers candy and it did not taste satisfying. I'm amazed and excited with how I'm changing my body with the power of my mind!

Deep Thoughts With Strawberries

Fierce strawberry cravings have taken me over. My body must want spring. I've been listening to Jon Gabriel's nightly meditation and every time he says, "You crave healthy, live foods," strawberries have been coming to my mind.

I know the visualization practice is really working for me in other ways as well. I had a dream I put on a WHITE swimsuit in a size that shouldn't have fit me but it did. WHITE!! Isn't that crazy?!

I think I'm going to create a vision board, although I'll think of another name for it. "Vision board" doesn't have the creative gusto juice I'm going for.

I'm also going to do more research on brain entrainment and binaural beat technology. I've tried a few samples I've found online, and I think Jon Gabriel's visualization recording uses it. I do know my mind feels more at peace and more awake yet relaxed after listening to this type of music.

Yesterday DS12 asked me a wonderful question. "Mom, how do you think artists find their inspiration?" These are the kinds of questions I love to answer, and make homeschooling so much fun! I love that he's thinking about how people think.

We shared a deep conversation about how emotions motivate people and what triggers different emotions in different people. We followed up with our own experiences and what we believe inspires us. Its so exciting to connect with my children this way and to be able to know and understand them so deeply. I feel so blessed to be able to unschool.

My strawberry smoothie has now happily traveled to where it will bring me health and happiness. Its time I get moving. Happy Wednesday!

Our 3 R's - not reading, (w)riting and (a)rithmetic, but rather, RESPONSIBLE, RESOURCEFUL and RESPECTFUL. Our GPA - not Grade Point Average, but rather GIVING POTENTIAL Average. I'm proud our lifestyle of learning has produced young men with integrity. They can read, write, compute and they know how to continue with something until it's mastered, but more importantly they have strong character qualities such as compassion, generosity and love.

I'm Really Good At Falling With Crock Pots

I didn't drop the crock pot or break any bones! I thought for sure there would be a hole in the wall, but apparently fate decided to scrape my elbow instead.

When I walk downstairs I have to look at the stair I'm stepping on next. I can't lift my head like a normal person and just know where the next step is. I seem to lose depth perception when going downstairs as well. This is one reason why downward escalators have always scared me. I have to stare at them for a few seconds, find the rhythm of that passing line break and then step. (Or I cling to my husband for dear life.)

When I was a little girl, I would cry if my mother tried to take me on the escalator.  Around the same time I went through another phobia phase of elevators. My poor parents couldn't shop at department stores without stress.

This morning my elbow scrape is feeling better. Last night it felt like a burn, constantly stinging. My hip feels a little sore, so I'm guessing I either hit that as well against the wall, or when I landed on my left foot, the impact shock threw my hip out a little. I'm grateful I only fell from the 3rd stair up. Why I thought I couldn't let go of the crock pot mystifies me.   

Ditching the boys and heading out for some retail therapy with Sista Cin.

Running On Fumes Today

A dark chocolate IV would be nice. Instead I'm trying to get rolling here with lots of Sleepytime tea. Ironic because last night I don't recall falling asleep. I only remember the thought of trying to fall asleep, and I have no recollection of dreaming. So why am I just now drinking Sleepytime when the sun has just risen?

I seem to be twisted up, reversed.

A Facebook friend of mine believes insomnia strikes her whenever there is something she needs to be doing but isn't getting around to. Thinking about my sleepless night, I think it had more to do with my decision not to take any pain meds for my shoulder.

I thought my shoulder was getting better. A friend showed me a soft tissue manipulation technique I could do and after her adjustment it did feel better. I taught the technique to DH and he gave me an adjustment before bed. Maybe it felt worse because it's now getting better? (Hope...Hope!) 

Or maybe I was REMless in the Sleepyhouse because I drank a quart of green tea yesterday? Isn't it written somewhere 5-6 cups of green tea day is beneficial? Of course I hadn't had that much green tea in awhile. I'm sure the caffeine was a jolt to my system.

I listened to my Jon Gabriel visualization download as the sun rose. I'm suppose to listen to it each NIGHT before I go to bed. When I finally gave up and resolved I wasn't going to fall asleep, even for a few early morning hours, I thought I might as well begin this day as relaxed as possible.

I enjoy his visualization mediation, but I'm thinking about creating my own. I think it would be even more effective if I used MY voice to record the guided relaxation/visualization. If I listen on my MP3 player to my actual voice, I'm sure it would resonate stronger with my subconscious. I'll have to see if we have a microphone and recording capabilities on our PC. Of course Jon's has this vibey background music. I don't know if we have any mixing software, but I think the cool music adds to the effect.

At my work they are starting a weight loss/healthy living competition. Its based on the book, The Game On Diet. I'm not sure I'm going to read the book. I read a review its full of profanity, although supposedly the "diet" advice is good. It could be fun to join up with others, but at this time, I really feel I want to continue working with the Gabriel method. I think taking a hard look within myself is healing me and bringing me toward a permanent change towards health and wellness.

Remember that creepy dad at the pool I told you about who always stares at my girls. Last night karma cracked me up. We were alone in the unusually quiet lobby. He let a big one rip. I don't think I will ever feel intimidated when he stares at my chest again. I will always remember his tooting and laugh hysterically inside to myself!!

Interestingly now in my visualization practice, I have begun to see myself in shape and healthy. Maybe I just had to give it time and practice, or maybe I'm accepting I don't have to be a victim?

Pain and discomfort have a different meaning in life for me now. They are tools I use to grow stronger. Life isn't happening TO me, but rather FOR me.

Wow, isn't it interesting how my brain will still fire when so sleep deprived? Or am I thinking so clearly because I'm running on fumes boosted by hot beverages? (I confess, I snuck a mug of cocoa in between Sleepytime hits.)

I think now that my insides are warmed along with my brain waves, I'll bundle up and head out into the world so it can pour sunshine on my face. Peace and blessings to you this fresh Friday!

We Survived Blizzard February 1 & 2, 2011

Yumi was not happy she couldn't watch her birdie friends, but at least the drifting kept stray Tom away from her window.

DH and I both stayed home from work. We actually had no choice. Local roads were closed due to drifting.

I don't know what our official inch total was, but it was the sustained 35 mph winds with gusts up to 70 that made it a brutal blizzard. All night long it was very noisy out there. We lost power a few times, but thankfully it went back on before we got too chilled without heat. We found pieces of the house being constructed next door in our yard, but thankfully our house appears to be intact.

Due to the storm, I ended up with two nights off. I don't want to think about the lower number on my future paycheck. It was nice to have the time off to heal up my thrown out shoulder. It still hurts when I take a deep breath, but at least I can find a comfortable position to sit or lay in now. I've been trying to stretch it out and drink more fluids to help with the inflammation. 

The boys enjoyed having friends over due to schools being closed. It seems hard to believe its also time to see the homeschool posse, but tomorrow is Thursday already. These past two days seem to have flow by despite us being snowed in.

When I was feeling up to it, I studied more of the Gabriel Method. I'm having trouble visualizing my ideal body. I can't think of a time in my life when I didn't feel fat.

I know in high school I had a regular woman's body, but compared to my not yet "developed" friends, I always felt fat. DH says I should use a photograph of myself during that time, but mentally my high school body wasn't something I was comfortable with then, so why would it work for me now? I've thought about using magazine photos and plastering my face on them, but I don't like that idea. I'm just going to have to dig deeper and find out why I can't see myself as a thin, healthy person. 

I think it does have something to do with not wanting to be a sex object. If you're laughing, that's okay. :) It makes me laugh too, but I know on another level, there's truth to this.  Last night I had a dream where I was groped by some jerk. I think on a subconscious level I see thin as sexy and sexy as not safe.

There's a creepy dad at the pool who constantly stares at my chest making me feel uncomfortable. I think I need to empower myself to not feel so threatened by the attention of men. I think it goes way back to age 12. Those bra snapping middle school boys traumatized me! LOL!

I certainly want to feel sexy for DH, but how do I accomplish this without the concern I'm soliciting unwanted attention from other men? I'll have to work on this while practicing my visualization sessions.

Well, that's probably TMI for all of you, but my blog is my journal and how I work stuff out in my head. Read at your own risk. :) 

The birds are in a feeding frenzy at the feeder. They must somehow know the storm is on the way in.

Ready For The Blizzard & Organizing

I hit up the Pig to round out the fridge and pantry supplies, and I grabbed every available copy of Mother Earth News our small library had on hand. I'm now officially ready to ride out this 3 day snow event. I can plan my garden while watching the white out.

It sounds like the pool will close, but even if it doesn't my wonderful boss said she'd cover for me so I don't have to worry about driving through the blizzard conditions. That's such a huge relief to me. I can actually tolerate winter pretty well, its the driving in it that stresses me out.

We spent this past weekend in the nest, purging and fixing up the larger storage area of our basement. I would have taken a before photo, but I feared we'd be contacted by the producer of Hoarders.

We bought two steel wire shelf racks from Target and with each paycheck, I'm going back for another one until our basement storage area is wall to wall racks. These units came together very quickly without tools and each shelf holds 350 pounds.

The first rack we built is holding appliances and other kitchen items that don't get used on a regular basis. It looks like something you'd see in a professional kitchen! The second rack is being used for DH's old stereo and computer equipment until he figures out what he wants to do with it.

Our future plans include a unit for seasonal decorations, and old toys the boys don't want to part with just yet. We also have a cookie jar collection from our B.C.,(before children), days that we'd like to organize. We're hoping we can rotate out the jars for displaying, rather than always keeping them in their storage boxes like we're doing now.

We still have quite a bit of purging and organizing to do, but it feels great to be started on it. We may even have room to set up a table on which I could work on projects.

We've made two runs to Goodwill with trunk fulls of cast offs. I'm sure they'll be plenty more in the next several weeks. Its getting easier to pitch rather than keep as we begin to see everything organized on the shelving units.

The only downside to all this cleaning has been I've tweaked something with my shoulder and back. I'm not sure what I lifted that did it, but I've got this strange pain the front of my chest and in the back on my shoulder blade. I'm thinking it all has to do with my shoulder being strained somehow. It feels like something a chiropractor could "pop" back in, but I don't have chiropractor funds right now. I'll keep hugging my rice pack and hope it gets better quickly.

Chocolate Chip Cookies- America's Test Kitchen recipe

Description:
This is by far, the best chocolate chip cookie I have ever eaten. Perfect consistency and the best flavor I've experienced in a chocolate chip cookie recipe, this technique developed by ATK really is the best.

The only changes I made were to form the cookies smaller, (working on my portion control these days), I used dark chocolate chips rather than the typical semi-sweet, and I added 1 1/3 cup of chips rather than the 1 1/4 cup. I didn't use any nuts either. The ATK original recipe wants you to divide the dough into 16 cookies, but those most be huge.

Ingredients:
1 3/4 flour
1/2 t baking soda
14 T of unsalted butter, (1 3/4 sticks)
1/2 C sugar
3/4 C dark brown sugar
1 t salt
2 t vanilla
1 L egg
1 L egg yolk
1 1/3 C of dark chocolate chips

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375

Over medium-high heat, melt 10 T of butter, about 2 minutes. Cook the butter another 1-3 minutes, stirring, until the butter develops a light brown color.

Add the melted butter to your metal mixing bowl and stir in the remaining 4 T of butter. Stir until its all melted.

Add the sugars, salt and vanilla and whisk until mixed.

Add the eggs and mix for 30 seconds.

Allow the mixture to rest for 3 minutes, then whisk again for 30 seconds. Repeat this process 2 more times.

Mix the flour and baking soda in a small bowl.

Add the flour mixture and chips into the butter, sugar, egg mixture and mix just until combined.

Use a cookie scoop or spoon to form small balls, about a tablespoon big. Bake 2 inches apart for 9-11 minutes.

Yes, I'm Mental Today

I'm making progress because the more I push through, the more I feel the push back.

I've been focusing on releasing fears and stress, trying to calm my mind. I'll reach a peaceful state only to have a flood of fear and tension return. I'm choosing to believe that as I get stronger, my mind knows I can take more on.

I recognize now the increased feelings of fear and stress are really nothing to FEAR and be STRESSED about. They only make me stronger because as they scream back at me, I have the opportunity to once again leave them behind. They may scream louder, but I grow stronger having had all of this practice at acknowledging them and releasing them. Eventually all of this negative energy will burn itself out because I've turned up the heat!

I know there are changes happening in my body as well. The foods I crave, the portions I eat, its all changing without me having to really worry about it. I understand now how worrying about what I ate, only added to the giant stress ball, rolling me away from my goals. Its interesting how actions I thought would help me were really trapping me. 

I had very strange rage dreams. I was surrounded by mess and clutter, and I just kept screaming my head off, incoherently. I woke up thinking, whoa! Where did that come from? My subconscious knows I'm now reaching for order and peace. I expect it now to work with me rather than against me. It pitched a temper tantrum but that's over now. It's time to partner up and make this work!

Love In Every Sip, Weekend Fun

Do you like my new tea bowl, I mean tea mug? DH insisted on buying it for me because he said it was made for me. I love the color, and I love drinking tea. Its great to brew two cups at once, and I'm sure it will make a wonderful ice cream, I mean, cereal bowl as well. Its making a great hand warmer too, since it takes both of mine to hold it.

Sunday Bloody Sunday, poor DS soon to be 12 had several flash flood nose bleeds. I think the sight of all the blood made him feel ill the rest of the day and night. He said it looked like a crime scene and in truth it did. I tried to clean everything up as best I could, but I'm sure if Dexter Morgan shows up with his blood spill kit, I'm busted. It can be very scary seeing blood gush out of you like that. I assured him he wasn't going to die and we just kept applying pressure. The bleeds would stop but an hour or so later another tsunami would surprise us. So far this morning, he seems to be doing okay except for a little bit of a sore throat.

In between nose bleeds, we remarkably all enjoyed lunch at Red Lobster in honor of DS soon to be 12. He ate his fill of cheddar biscuits. I told the waiter to skip the birthday sundae and just bring DS his own basket of biscuits.

There was a family party sitting near us celebrating their patriarch's milestone. He didn't get a sundae either but rather a large glass of chocolate milk! :) I don't know how old the gentleman was, but as I watched him, I hoped my son would some day be that blessed to be sitting in Red Lobster surrounded by his great grandchildren. 

Pesto Cavatappi - My version of Noodles and Company's

Description:
I love the Pesto Cavatappi at Noodles, and for awhile now, I've thought it couldn't be that difficult of a recipe to replicate at home and save a few bucks. I did a bit of research, and decided to try and make a version with a little less calories than the Noodles version.

I thought this came out wonderful. It wasn't as green as the dish is at the restaurant, but it still tastes delicious. Noodles must add tons of pesto to their mushroom sauce to make theirs that green. I saw the calorie count on the side of the pesto jar and couldn't bring myself to use more than a spoonful. I replaced non-fat yogurt for the traditional heavy cream, although the next time I make this, I may try using non-fat cream cheese.

Ingredients:
1 1/2 C cavatappi noodles
1 T olive oil or just enough to coat the bottom of your skillet
1 T Smart Balance spread or use butter
1 1/2 C sliced mushrooms
2 T white wine
2 T non fat plain yogurt
2 T pesto
1 large or 2 smaller Roma tomatoes, sliced
3 cloves of garlic, mashed and diced

Garnish with grated Parmesan cheese

Directions:
Cook your cavatappi noodles according to the packaged directions to al dente

Lightly coat the bottom of your skillet with olive oil and melt the Smart Balance or butter. Add the mushrooms to your skillet and saute. Once the mushrooms are tender, stir in the splash of wine, yogurt, pesto, tomatoes and garlic. Lastly add your cooked cavatappi and stir/toss to coat. Heat until the pasta is once again hot. Sprinkle Parmesan on top if desired.

Its wrap yourself up like a burrito day.

Thoughts For Thursday 1/20/11

The death cold is coming. Remind me again why -20 below is necessary for the environment?

I threw in extra onions and loads of garlic in today's batch of black bean tomato stoup. I'm surrounded by people eager to share their viruses. My immune system needs all the help it can get.

I'm becoming more aware of people's energy, or to be more precise, people's negative energy. They aren't helping me reach that "Chillax" state of being I hope to achieve this new year. Guess I need to learn how to deflect their negative vibes.

Last night my heart was breaking for a little Chinese girl at the pool. Her father was telling me she said she wanted to be a cleaner when she grew up. He was really concerned about this. I said, "Hey, she'll always have job security and as long as she's happy, right?" He protested replying his daughter would not clean for a living.

The little girl then chimed in with a smile on her face, "I want to be a preschool teacher!"

I said to her, "That sounds like fun!"

Dad replied, "NO! If you want to be a teacher, you can teach college students." 

I swear, some people don't get it. Allow your children to follow their dreams.

I recently read although Chinese students excel in math and science, they lack creativity because at a very young age, they are pushed academically.

My state is actually trying to offer 4 year old kindergarten and people are lining up to get their 4 year olds in the door. Another lawmaker is trying to pull the plug on 4 year old kindergarten. Frankly, my state doesn't have the money, plus, why the rush to pull young children away from their families? So many parents think this will give their children an academic advantage and save them daycare dollars. As a homeschooling parent, I will tell you my children learned more at home, with a very low teacher- student ratio, and a loving, safe environment.

I better get off my soapbox and get moving. 

8 a day - REALLY? 8 A DAY?? I've had a tough enough time trying to get 5 in. I do enjoy fruit and veggies though. I guess I will just have to be more creative and add a few more to breakfast and snacks. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/heart-health-fruits-veggies-life-saving/story?id=12639620

What We've Been Up To...

I haven't been ignoring you. I've just been distracted by the following.

America's Test Kitchen - I can't believe this has been in existence for over a decade, and I'm just now discovering it. I need to make a point to watch more public television. I knew about the magazine Cook's Country, but I wasn't familiar with the entire franchise. I love how the recipes are tested over and over until they've worked out the best method.They explain the science behind the recipe, and they also have great kitchen product reviews. Its sort of like Alton Brown's Good Eats and Consumer Reports only done much better. Here's the link to America's Test Kitchen, but I feel like everyone already knows about this brilliant show except me because apparently I've been living under a rock.

Our other TV fascination lately has been Forensic Files. DS11 is especially into it. Its a 30 minute documentary style show featuring real life crimes solved through the science of forensics. I asked DS11 if he's thinking about becoming a forensic scientist, but he's still says he wants to be a police officer.

We're getting ready to celebrate DS11's turn to DS12 in a few days. I can't believe my baby is 12. 12!!!! We'll celebrate early this weekend, since both DH and I will have to work on his actual birthday. He wants to go to Red Lobster and eat a basket full of cheddar baked biscuits. He doesn't want the birthday sundae, just bring him his own basket of cheddar baked biscuits with a side of ranch sauce to dip into. LOL!

I'm reading the book The Gabriel Method by Jon Gabriel. The book is making me think about weight loss in an entirely different way. Jon used to weigh over 400 pounds but lost over 200 pounds once he figured out his "fat switch" was turned on. The book is revealing to me how stress and my fears of scarcity have triggered my body to want to stay fat for survival. I am trapped by an emotional obesity and the next few weeks, I'm really going to start to explore why I've done this, and how I will break free and turn off my "fat switch."  I know what I should eat, yet I starve my body from the nutrition it needs. I need to completely change my mindset away from fear and worry, and focus on the abundance around me and my ability to reach a life I've dreamed of living. I'm excited to take this journey!

Friday Five 1/14/11

"Since this is National Thank You month, and so many times little things, like how much we appreciate people can go by and we just don't get them said.  Let's take today and thank at least 5 of those people.  And then once you are done here, maybe spread some of that around to others as well!?  Everyone would love to hear a thank you, an I appreciate you, an I love you...just because we think they know that...it still doesn't hurt to hear it!" ~ Friday Five Group Prompt

1. I'm grateful I found my heavenly Father, not in the church, but in my heart. I'm grateful He led me away from the misinterpretations of others, and He helped me understand the truth about his love.

2. I'm grateful to my husband, my best friend, my soul one. I know we have something rare, and I cherish it. I can't imagine my life without him.

3. I'm grateful to my sons. They are a gift. They have taught me more about love than I thought possible and have made me a better person by allowing me to become a parent.

4. I'm grateful to have extended family. Good times and bad, they helped shape me, and when needed most, I do believe they will be there for me.

5. I'm grateful for all of my friends. I can wrap my arms around some of them, and some I can't,  but they all count and are dear to me. 

The Power Of Choice

"Children learn how to make good decisions by making decisions, not by following directions." - Alfie Kohn.

This is another reason why unschooling works so well. When you don't interrupt a child's natural curiosity and you help facilitate their right to choose, they will develop great decision making skills.

I am a horrible decision maker because I'm afraid of failure. I was raised in public school. Follow these directions and do it this way. Memorize these answers and I'll give you a test. You better score highly on the test if you want to please us. I will probably be forever deschooling myself, learning to trust myself.

I'm grateful my children are growing up differently. Within the boundaries of safety, they are given complete freedom to decide. Except for our expectations of love and respect they are free to fail or succeed. I know they learn from both outcomes, perhaps even more from failure.

They carve their own paths, using inspiration from the world around them, but always deciding for themselves the steps, the pace, the direction.

Cool! I just discovered I was marinating the laundry. I guess this is what happens when you wake up at 3:30am and can't fall back to sleep. I need a self closing lid on the washing machine.

Where Did This Come From?

DS11, soon to be DS12, just asked me what it was like to be a parent. He's sitting over there, gaming away, while I'm checking up on all of your Facebook updates, and he casually drops that one on me.

This is a push the chair away from the computer moment.

I'm back now. I told him the answer to this question could not easily be summed up with just a few sentences, but I did my best.

I told him being a parent is a gift. It changes your life in ways you can't imagine. Your life becomes secondary to the life of your child. There is nothing you wouldn't do for your child to make sure they are loved, safe and provided for. You learn more about love than you ever thought possible. You begin to really understand unconditional love from the direction of being the giver not the receiver.

Then I knew I had to hit pause before I began to lose his interest. :)

I asked him why he had asked me this question and he said he didn't know. He said he was just curious.

I love being home and available for when questions like these come up. You can't predict when your children are going to ask what they do most of the time. Homeschooling has really given us the opportunity to get to know each other in a more natural way.

Recycling Trees and Love

I couldn't part with recycling the Christmas tree yet so we moved it to the back deck for the birds. I'm hoping they choose to seek shelter in it, but so far I think they are  wondering how a tree popped up over night. There is a Mourning Dove content with perching near the bird feeder, but no feathered friends have tried landing on the tree yet.

If we don't get the tree to the curb for our village recycling, we'll just do it ourselves later. The yard waste area is just a block down from us, but then again, I could recycle this tree in our own compost as well.

My friend's funeral was okay, but its always difficult for me to attend a church that preaches a different understanding of the bible than I have. I appreciated the kind words spoken by her husband and the fact my family could be with me during this difficult task. I know its a good thing for my boys to see different cultures and different religions. I know my friend's faith gave her great strength and for that I'm grateful. I do still wish she would have had a better understanding of my faith, because it would have relieved the fears she had for her own children. I found it very uncomfortable to hear her preacher question my friend's children's beliefs at their mother's funeral. I don't know how comforting that was for them, if at all.

I had such vivid dreams last night, loaded with extreme detail. Part of my dreams involved my deceased cat. I kept trying to find her. I'm sure the next several weeks I'll be dealing with how to cope with loss.

Maybe I will find ways to "recycle" rather than give up those feelings. During my friend's service someone spoke about her feelings of regret for not sharing more time with Judy. Instantly I thought to myself there was no need for this. Judy would want us to continue loving others and in doing so, it erases all regrets. She did so much and touched the lives of so many. I know rather than regret, it would be better to find ways to reach out to others and continue Judy's spirit of giving. This is how I plan to work through this. Recycling the love Judy gave me.

Chocolate Will Not Solve This

The brownies are ready!

I made them because I thought baking and chocolate would cheer me up. I haven't eaten any yet, because I'm realizing, I'm feeling sad due to the loss of my friend. I plan on attending her wake tonight and her funeral tomorrow. I'm hoping my family and friends enjoy the brownies, but I know how I'm feeling can't be fixed by eating a brownie myself. I came close, but this time, I know its not going to help me feel better.

After Judy's passing, I've been thinking about cancer more than ever. My friend did not want to die and leave her family, and I know I'd feel exactly the same. My friend fought very hard for every last minute. Cancer scares me because it seems like everyone is getting one form of it or another.

I know this next statement has probably run through my head thousands of times, but with Judy's passing the volume and understanding of it is slapping me in the face. The best way to fight cancer is to never get it in the first place by eating healthy and exercising. Of course given our environment, it may be impossible to avoid all toxins, but I'm still shaken to my core regarding how prevention is perhaps the only way around this disease.

So I'm left wondering, am I doing enough to ensure I will be healthy and available not only for my own needs, but also that I may continue to share my life with and look after my family? 

I'm going to cry rather than eat a brownie. I'm going to cry it out, and then pray for comfort. Next I'll lace up my boots and walk. I'm going to take it one step at a time, constantly seeking ways to improve my life through healthy choices.

Now please help me eat these brownies, because I don't know if my strength and resolve will last.

Crying Tomten

NO! PLEASE DON'T PUT US AWAY IN THIS PLASTIC PRISON!

On second thought, keep us away from this naughty feline.

Friday Five 1/7/11

"Good morning all of you FF'ers! Let's start the New Year off with thinking of others!

January is National Blood Donation Month so why don't you tell us 5 things that you donate for the help of others.  Now this doesn't have to be something huge...if you are a grandparent and you babysit for your grandchildren while their parents work...in these hard economic times that is a HUGE help for parents trying to make ends meet!  A friend of mine is doing a Pay-it-forward for her New Years resolution...so it just got me thinking...what can I do this year to help more people. Give us your giving ways and lets all start this year out with our hearts!  If you are someone who has new ideas for this coming year, tell us your 5 resolutions to give in the New Year...or if you are someone who (as I had been in the past while raising 3 kids) maybe this 5 can allow you to stop and think of ways you can start this year as a giving year...just let us know your thoughts!"

http://fridayfivegroup.multiply.com/

Here's my 5.

1. I'll start with the easiest donation and probably the best, my prayers. Prayer is also the perfect donation for when you don't have anything else to give or when you feel helpless. It can be done on the spot, where ever you are, and can take just a few moments of heartfelt thought.

2. Goodwill - This donation really is doing me a favor. I feel so much better after purging away clutter. I also appreciate how the Goodwill organization near me is trying to train people for jobs, something in our area that is very difficult to come by.

3. I'm a Bell Ringer for the Salvation Army. I do this in memory of my immigrant grandparents who were helped out by this organization when they first came to this country and when they struggled through the depression. Its also fun and helps get me in the Christmas spirit of giving being witness to so many people dropping money into the buckets.

4. I help both "light the tree" and "light the night" in an effort to stop cancer. Unfortunately, next Christmas I'll have more white lights on our community's memory tree, having lost more friends and family to this evil disease.

5. I feed the neighborhood posse and provide a safe place for them to hang out, away from drugs and alcohol. All through the years, we've opened up our home to the boys' friends, letting them know they are always welcome. Our Game Cave is a neighborhood favorite, plus I benefit from getting to know the friends of my children.

And here are 5 more I want to start in 2011!

1. Meals on Wheels
2. Our local Care Closet - its both a second hand goods store and a food pantry for our village
3. Child abuse prevention
4. Restoring our parks and creating walking paths
5. My neighbors - I know my neighbor across the street, having just lost his wife, will need more TLC visits and I'd love to bake up a little more friendship for all of my neighbors.

Fess up! Who turned up the gravitational pull today!!

Embracing chillax mode today. I will not worry about the future. I will not worry about the future. I will not worry about...

On my autodidact agenda today, playing around with Japanese & Mayan multiplication, microgreens and researching work at home careers.

I'm 2 for 2 so far in 2011! Two great days spent in my nest, doing what I enjoy with people I love.

Thoughts On New Year's Day 2011

I've spent most of New Year's Day, before watching the depressing Rose Bowl game, watching old videos of my children. Now I'm feeling sad because those little guys are gone, never to return. I am proud of the young men they have become, but recalling those early days causes me to mourn the end of their childhoods. Where has the time gone and how did we get here?

We spent New Year's Eve at home, enjoying Canadian Walleye. I'm blessed to have a husband who loves to cook fish. It was so tasty, I'm thinking we need a bigger freezer and a vacation home on a lake in Canada. It's probably too cold and the growing season too short for me to really be able to live up there, but those cold waters make some tasty eating fish! G-Ma brought over steaks to go with our supper, making it a surf and turf night.

We watched ridiculous TV midnight countdowns until midnight. Is it just me, or do these shows get worse every year?

The menfolk stayed up for midnight gaming, but I was ready to pass out by 1:00am. I did get up early and work from home, so this is probably why I was such a lightweight. 

I've really enjoyed working from home these past two weeks. I wish I knew a way to make this a permanent situation. I can get so much done without the interruptions at the pool. I love not having to drive too! I guess it will feel good to get back to the routine and to see the many friendly faces at work. I've been having trouble trying to figure out what day of the week its been lately.

I'm still getting used to my medication. I feel good most of the day, but always around 3:00-4:00pm, I start to feel lightheaded and my stomach feels iffy. It's not quite nausea, but it's borderline. After supper, I usually feel better. I'm wondering if this medication is doing something to my blood sugar levels. My blood pressure readings have all been in the safe zone though, so that is good. I'm going to make some adjustments to my eating schedule, and see if that helps.

I'm off now, to kick back and relax. I feel like doing some old fashioned writing. The kind where there isn't a glowing rectangle staring you in the face. I need to feel the pen across the paper.

Have a Happy New Year!
 

Pizza Restaurant Style Breadsticks

Description:
These are so easy and taste so good, we'll never buy breadsticks from expensive Pizza Hut or Rocky's again. DH said they really do taste better than what you can get from the pizza chains.

I found the recipe doing a Google search for "Pizza Hut breadstick recipe" but I had to alter the recipe and add more flour to get the right consistency. They come out chewy on the inside, crunchy on the out.

Ingredients:
1 1/2 C hot water
2 T sugar
1/2 t salt
1/2 C non fat dried milk powder
1 T yeast
3-4 C of flour
1/3 C melted butter
Garlic powder
grated Parmesan cheese
oregano or Italian spice blend

Directions:
Dissolve the sugar, salt and dry milk in the hot water. Add enough of the flour to make the mixture a soupy consistency. When the mixture is warm, not too hot, add the yeast and the rest of the flour until a soft dough forms. * I use my Kitchenaid and watch for the dough to begin pulling from the sides of the bowl and ball up on the dough hook. Add flour as necessary to get a smooth, soft dough, just past the point of it being sticky. Knead the dough until is is soft and pliable.

In your baking pan, pour half of the melted butter and coat the bottom of the pan.

Press the dough into your pan, creating a rectangle. Pour the rest of the melted butter on top of the dough and add your seasons to taste.

Using a pizza cutter and or knife, cut your dough into strips.

Allow your breadsticks to rise for 15 minutes.

Bake at 350 for 25 minutes until golden on top. Feel free to add more melted butter and seasons if needed when they're just out of the over.

Serve with hot marinara sauce.

My goal "word" for 2011, CHILLAX. As someone who tends to find stuff to worry about, I'm realizing I need to let that go and bring more relaxation into my life.

Christmas Weekend Notes 2010

I've just realized I took next to zero photos this Christmas. However, we will have plenty of video footage, thanks to DS15 testing out our new video recorder. He has quite a bit of editing to do though. The camera has crazy huge storage capabilities, and the boys shot video for hours.

Our Christmas was 99% most excellent! I loved having the extra time with my family and the bonus of having my parents able to share it with us. The 1% I won't mention except to say I'm still processing what happened and asking myself how I can ensure my family's safety the next time.

Christmas Eve we spent at my aunt's house. My brother and I both honored our Christmas Nerf War Truce. :) We feasted and had a White Elephant exchange in which we ended up with a cool Tapas cookbook, a veggie grilling pan, a book with a collection of short stories, and DS11 ended up with a Super Man T-Shirt.

When we arrived home Christmas Eve, a certain elf had already made some wonderful changes in our Sleepyhouse! Thanks to G-Ma we now have a water filter attached to our kitchen faucet. I love being able to drink water right from the tap. My Brita pitcher barely kept up with our drinking and food preparation needs.

Christmas Day we were spoiled with more gifts and more feasting. The day after, the grandparents left and we basically were in recovery mode, napping and watching movies for most of the day. The boys were in full out gaming mode and spent the entire day in the Mancave.

I began taking my blood pressure medication Sunday, and that night my reading was 128/71, which is much better than I had been. Could one dose really work that fast? I'll keep monitoring it and see what my week's average is.

My mind is shifting into 2011. We're planning to stay in for New Year's and enjoy a homemade fish fry. I think it's pretty cool the day will be 1-1-11! I want to sit down and think up some goals for the new year, not resolutions really, but inspirational ideas.

It's been so wonderful to have such a great holiday season so far. I really feel its going to propel us forward on good footing.

Getting Ready For Christmas & Blood Pressure

I've been away from the computer the past several days, except to squeeze in a little work. We've all been enjoying having the grandparents stay and visit. Last night, my mother made Christmas centerpieces for me and my sister. My sister and I both love birch trees so we're digging these candle holders. I actually have more like them somewhere in my basement storage. I'll probably have the boys drill the one log a little deeper so the candle fits in better, but isn't it pretty? It smells really good too!

Today is the start of our holiday weekend. DH is off from work until next Monday so we're all going to enjoy a nice, long weekend together. We'll finish up the last of the shopping this morning, and this afternoon we'll finish the last of the before Christmas errands, and we'll have supper at Mi Cocina. Our favorite Mexican restaurant.

I'm not getting as much work done as I had hoped, but its not often we get to share so much time with my parents so we've had to take advantage of that. I'll kick it into gear next week, and hopefully before New Year's, reach my goals.

Isn't it crazy how quickly Christmas creeps up on you? New Year's always comes up quick too.

I have been having trouble keeping my blood pressure regulated. Its up and down throughout the week. I've tried diet and exercise, but I just can't bring it down to a safe level on a constant basis. I'm feeling somewhat defeated, but I'm agreeing to try medication beginning after Christmas. (I waiting because I don't want to spoil my holiday with a potential allergic reaction.)

I'm bummed about having to go down this road, but I also know I don't want to have a stroke or heart disease, which run in my family on both sides. I'll be taking a diuretic to start with and hopefully that helps. If not, it could mean a beta blocker.

One plus is the doctor did mention my heart beat sounded really good. She said she could tell I've been exercising so that made me feel a little better. We also discussed how I'm probably not losing weight very quickly because I'm not lifting weights. She explained how especially in women over 40, weight training is critical. I hadn't really thought about weight training too seriously, but it's now on my list for 2011! Just one more piece to my health puzzle I'll eventually figure out.

My Sleepyhouse is starting to wake up, so I better get moving here. If I don't have another chance, let me wish you now a safe, happy and healthy Christmas and New Year. I hope its filled with family, love and laughter! 

Monday's Musings

I'm still having strange sleep patterns. Went to bed Saturday at 1:00am(Sunday), and woke up at 3:00am, unable to fall back asleep. My brain's been on overdrive.

Since I couldn't sleep, I read through the book, Wikis The Educator's Power Tool by Kay Teehan and now the autodidact in me wants to learn more about creating and using Wiki's. I should have been sleeping, not brainstorming.

Last night I got a little more rest, but had nightmares of aliens attacking the planet. I woke up thinking it would have made a great movie.

My parents are driving down a day earlier than scheduled trying to beat a snow/ice storm scheduled to begin this afternoon. I hope they are careful and stop and get a room if the road conditions get bad.

This rearranges my plans for the day. I have to get the guest room ready! I was thinking of driving to the pool - no joke - to take the boys for a swim and grab a few resources I need to work from home the next two weeks. I know I had just said how awesome it was not to have to drive anywhere, but after my Wiki brain storm, I now want to create a Wiki for work and I need a few things. Plus do I want to wait for my paycheck to be mailed? My checking account balance says no.

I had a discussion with DH about how the whole gift buying thing sucks the joy out of Christmas. Its stressful not having money and feeling the pressure to find just the right gift. I'd rather focus on being with family, enjoying tasty bites, playing games and creating laughter. I get now why some families take vacations this time of year and skip the whole material/commercial scene.

I should get moving here, open up the guest room and finish the before Christmas cleaning projects.

Maybe I Am Enjoying Winter....

These photos were taken when we met our posse for sledding last Thursday. We have a great sledding hill nearby at our local golf course. We try to go during school hours so we have the place to ourselves.

I've been noticing how beautiful the snow is this year. How it sticks to the trees, how it blankets the ground, it really is lovely. (Can you tell I haven't had to drive in it lately?)

I've enjoyed finding the bunny tracks in the yard, which have led me to their winter hiding spots. I'm feeding them some old, wilted carrots. I know the "God's raisins" they drop will fertilize my garden. That reference means something to my boss. :) I don't know if she'll read this, but after knowing her, I will always think of bunny poop as "God's raisins" now. Feel free to use your imagination as to why.

I was delighted to learn my parents have decided to make the trip down for Christmas! It will be awesome to have them here and share the holiday with them. DH will have short work weeks, so it will be great to have extra time with him as well.

December has been much colder than usual, and I'm concerned our truly cold month, January, will be brutal, but every week we get closer to spring. :)

I picked up the fish oil for Yumi, and she seemed to eat her kibble even after I dripped a capsule over it. Of course fish oil, I'm sure, is tasty according to cat taste buds. Hopefully it clears up her dry skin.

DH and I had a wonderful Friday fish fry date at Quivey's Grove. We sat in the converted barn, with its rustic, 150 year old, stone walls and wood beams and staircases. They had it decorated for Christmas with a very tall tree which reached high up the stable barn to the beautiful wooden roof. The lights made everything more romantic. I had almond crusted lake perch and DH had the battered cod. It was delectable! We've promised to try and do this more often. Its a perfect way to begin the weekend.

I wasn't planning on baking anymore Christmas treats, but after a wonderful discussion with a friend on the many different recipes available, I now will HAVE to make a batch of fudge for Christmas. Technically, it won't be baking. My favorite recipe is the sweetened condensed milk, melted chocolate chips, pecans and dried cranberries. I like fudge to be melt in your mouth smooth, not grainy.

My Brain Cloud Has Lifted

Fresh air and exercise really does work wonders. If the below zero wind chills would stay away, I could probably make it through winter without complaints. 

I slept better, but had stress dreams. Why is it the brakes never work when you're driving in REM sleep? And when do I ever drive through a crowded mall parking lot, pulling a trailer? I need to realize I can crash into anything bummer car style in my dreams, and my insurance rates will not go up.

Not all my dreams were stressful. I did dream of gardening, but waking up from the joy of having a hoe in my hand, and facing the reality outside the window, only made me want to fall back asleep.

I can feel I'm in the homestretch towards the weekend and the holidays. Tonight's my last night I have to physically be at the pool. Through the end of the year, I'll most likely work entirely from home! Yeah! With this weather, this is a huge relief.

I think today we'll call the posse and see if they want to meet us at the sledding hill. More fresh air and exercise is what I need.

Up Since 4:00 A.M.

I know when my boys begin to wake up, I'll want to go back to sleep.

I'm waking up hungry way before I should be, and having a before bed snack is not helping. I can't figure it out. I'm eating more protein, but the strange thing is, my fingernails are not growing very fast. Is this too much information for you? Seriously, I'm wondering if something is going on with my metabolism.

Do you know there is absolutely nothing on television worth watching early in the day? I would have gotten up and done something productive, but Yumi needed my warm lap. Poor kitty, I don't think she feels good either. She has a dry skin problem and is pulling out the fur on her back near her tail. I'll have to pick up some fish oil and see if I can coat her kibble in it. She won't eat wet food.

I'm without a car today. DH took mine, while we have his car looked at. I'm hoping its not an expensive fix. I'm grateful my co-worker will cover for me, and I can head into work late. I really am blessed with a wonderful job. I just wish the commute wasn't so far, especially during these winter months.

OH!! That reminds me, I saw a really cool meteor driving home last night! It burned a vibrant green. I guess there are perks to that commute.

I just wish I didn't have to share the road with morons. This time of year it only gets worse - morons on ice. Put your cell phone down please! I don't care if you have a 4WD SUV, black ice means you'll only slam harder into me.

Okay, do I want to try for a morning nap now, or start moving around and make a little noise? When I've gone back to bed and grabbed a few more hours, I wake up feeling off and the rest of my day feels rushed. If I stay up and don't nap, about the time I have to go to work, I will have to fight to keep my eyes open. I really hope I can figure out this body clock problem soon and get back to a normal routine. 

I've had to scrape the INSIDE of my car windows. This just doesn't seem right. Its technically not even Winter yet!

Saint Lucia Day Thoughts

Its very timely for me, having Saint Lucia Day arrive this morning, after I've allowed these cold, darker days to creep into my soul and dim my light from within. Today is the Swedish celebration of Saint Lucia, a symbol of light and hope. I'm not eating saffron rolls, setting a crown of candles on my head or singing, but I am taking time to reflect on how I can get back on track.

Its bitterly cold outside. I call it death cold. Its the kind of cold that instantly freezes your nostrils and eyeballs. I know there must be a purpose to this weather, but its difficult for me to understand.

I'm finding it so easy to gravitate to the negative. I know this is a choice, but I don't understand why I'm choosing it. Is it the season? The weather? A combination of everything?

Although I haven't become sick with a flu or cold virus, my mood is off. I should be content my body is relatively healthy, but at the same time, it doesn't feel that way.

I think I need to stop being so emo, and count my blessings. There will never be total security to be found in this world, but if I look for them, I will find the stepping stones I need to keep me on the right path.

Blessing #1 - DH's toothache went away. He was so sure he had something seriously wrong and was in much pain. When we called our dentist, the recorded message said they were on holiday break until December 27th. I prayed for him and by the end of the weekend, the pain was gone. It must have been sinus nerves, but he knows he still will need to have it checked out after Christmas.

Blessing#2 - Our house is warm, there's food in the pantry/fridge, and everyone is healthy. Okay that's more than one blessing, but when you begin to count them, its easy to get carried away. I'll stop numbering them.

Blessings to come- direct deposit of DH's paycheck should arrive this week. In the mean time, it was a blessing the bills due now were able to be paid. I need to stop freaking out watching that balance fluctuate. This is always how it goes when you live paycheck to paycheck, something I've recently learned, most of America is having to do.

Blessing for today, I have the resources to buy soap. Sounds simple, but I'm grateful for even the small things today.

I may be feeling blue, and I may be unnecessarily beating up on myself, but I also know today I can stop and take a moment to plan for how to turn things around. I can light a candle and remember even one spark defeats total darkness.

I will have a Happy Lucia Day and reignite my light within, bringing warmth and comfort to myself and those I love.

I need to count my blessings. Cold, dark days are closing me in.

Friday Five 12/10/10

"For this Friday let's read about five of your favorite things to do with Christmas...with a twist....you know me I like to do that....I mean who of you would've thought you'd find a word search here last week! LOL Ok so Five of you favorite things...here's how it works ...1. A Food  2. A Song  3. A Movie 4. A Tradition 5. A Gift" - Friday Five Group


1. FOOD - Cookies :) Christmas wouldn't be the same without them. This year we're making soft gingerbread, spritz and rum balls. I miss my grandmother's pepparkakor cookies. I wish I knew how she made them so thin! 

2. SONG - I've actually been avoiding those radio stations playing nothing but Christmas carols this year, but I am enjoying Sarah McLachlan's version of Joni Mitchell's River.

3. MOVIE - The Polar Express - I associate this movie with my children. They always enjoy watching it several times during the season.

4. TRADITION - Getting together with family - Beginning with my childhood and continuing now, Christmas time has always been about family. I loved going over to cousins' houses, playing on beds piled high with coats, eating Swedish cookies, hearing laughter and sharing the warmth of the season.

5. GIFT - Now that I have children of my own, its definitely more fun giving than receiving. My gift is their joy.

For the record, its now been two nights where I thought I was getting sick, only to wake up perfectly healthy in the morning. I'm beginning to think there is something in my work place environment giving me headaches. We'll have to test this theory again tonight.

Efforts To Stay Well

My hunger has increased, and I think its because its colder than usual and I'm exercising. For me this is a Catch 22. I exercise to burn calories but my body's response is to want to eat more. Anyone have any advice for getting over this?

I'm trying to eat more protein and fiber and continue to try and drink more water, but it hasn't been easy. I'm not a big meat eater, and I'm running out of low calorie protein ideas. I keep wanting to grab for almonds, but I know I can easily go over the recommended portion when it comes to nuts. I try to keep the correct portion in a bag and limit myself, but eating nuts is like eating chocolate for me. I never reach the point of diminishing returns until its too late.

Last night I thought for sure I was going to wake up with a head cold coming on. All of my upper teeth throbbed and my head hurt. This usually is my clue my sinuses are planning a revolt. This morning however, I'm feeling okay. I still downed for breakfast a pineapple, banana, blueberry smoothie for good measure. 

Maybe its the clementines that have been keeping me well? I was stoked to see them on sale at our local Pig. I love clementines! Easy to peel, no seeds, sweet and juicy, portable, what's not to love about clementines?

I know I have to watch my stress level too. It seems right around the holidays or just after, I get sick. I think this is due to the stress of the season, along with going off track with diet and exercise. Plus you tend to socialize more so there's more opportunity for germ sharing. I need to remind myself its okay to tone things down, take a step back, take a breather and let go. Doing so is less stressful in the long run when compared to becoming ill.

Crazy Dreams Start The Day

I woke up ravenously hungry at 4:00am. There was no drinking a glass of water and going back to sleep. I got up and ate two fried eggs.

I watched a few hours of early morning television, and when I actually started getting very tempted to call QVC and order a $100 dollar blender, I hit the power button on the remote and tried to catch a morning nap.

I fell asleep but had very bizarre, anxiety filled dreams, including naked tornado dreams. What exactly is going on in there brain? Who's poking around at those emotional folds? When I woke up at 9:30, I had this residue of stress cloud over me. Blah!

I know it my subconscious working on issues regarding change and vulnerability.

I'll stomp the "dreadmill", (love that name better), and commit to only one other goal today. Concerning the rest, I'll go with the flow and see where the day takes me.

Weekend Update 12/3-12/5

Filing away more wonderful memories in the fault. Friday we cut down our Christmas tree before the snow arrived. Its in place, and it now has lights and the star, but we still need to hang ornaments and garlands. Its been a work in progress while we squeeze in all the other fun.

Saturday morning we had to clear and play in the SNOW! We only got about 4 inches, not the predicted 9, but its more than enough given the fact our driveway drifts like crazy. I regret not building a snow person because the temperature dropped, and the snow became too icy to pack.

Saturday evening we attended my work's holiday party. I'm in trouble with my family because the white elephant gift turned into an embarrassing get up in front of a room full of strangers and open a gift that could be stolen from you event. I had told them I thought it was a just a gift exchange. At one point we had a cool light up necklace and wonderfully obnoxious jingling Santa hat, but those were stolen from us. We came home with dish towels, a village house and night lights. After the white elephant game, we all enjoyed bowling.

Once home from the party,  we stayed up late playing video games with DH. We gave him Grand Turismo 5 for his birthday. I read gardening books while they raced and started planning how I will turn more of my lawn into a productive food source next spring.

I've added the book, Starter Vegetable Gardens 24 No Fail Plans For Small Organic Gardens, by Barbara Pleasant to my Christmas list. I wish I had read it before last season. I love how she suggests building your garden over time, adding to it every year.

Sunday was DH's actual birthday so we took him out for a big mid-day meal at Outback Steakhouse. We eat there once a year, usually on his birthday. We all walked away more than full. Later, we skipped supper and just had birthday cake.

We watched the season finally of The Walking Dead. I have to say, I had higher hopes for this series when it began. We'll see what next season brings.

Today I have to get back on track with healthy eating, and I have to make friends with Mr. Boring, aka, my treadmill.

"Today for show and tell I‘ve brought a tiny marvel of nature: a single snowflake. I think we might all learn a lesson from how this utterly unique and exquisite crystal.. ..turns into an ordinary boring molecule of water just like every other one when you bring it in the classroom. And now. While the analogy sinks in. I’ll be leaving you drips and going outside." ~ Calvin and Hobbes

The Tree Is In The Sleepyhouse!

Its another huge Christmas tree for us this year! Every season we choose and chop down a Balsam Fir tree from the Winterberry Christmas Tree farm just a few miles from our home. I like Balsams because they are fragrant and native to Wisconsin.

We've decided to set it up in the kitchen this year. We didn't want to worry about spilling water on the new laminate. I'll have to wait now to install our new kitchen floor until after the season, but that's okay. I think I'm going to love having the tree here. Its very cozy! You can still see the tree from the family room as well. I'll take another photo after we finish decorating.

I thought we'd be the only family at the farm on a Friday afternoon, but there were several of us trying to get our Christmas trees ahead of the snow storm heading our way tonight. We could have up to 9 inches tomorrow. The boys are really looking forward to it. They love snow. I only love it when I don't have to drive in it.

I had trouble falling asleep last night. My headache returned, loud and proud. Why is this only happening when I try to go to bed? I eventually did fall asleep thankfully, but slept in too late this morning. Today will feel rushed.

Sleepless In The Sleepyhouse

My brain is experiencing a chemical crazy. Migraine on the right side, I'm actually thinking if I put my head through the wall it would feel better. Don't worry. I won't. I'll let my diarrhea of thoughts flow out and onto this fabulous white, electronic glow staring back at me.

I think I'm experiencing a hormonal shift due to the lack of sunlight. I think you call it "SAD" - seasonal affective disorder. I'm going to make an appointment to check my vitamin D levels. Its been so gray and dark, this has to be what's going on with me. Rationally I can't justify feeling depressed.

Although tonight, its not depression that's keeping me up, its anxiety. Again, rationally, I have nothing to feel anxious about, so this must be a chemical imbalance in my noggin.

I'm sipping Sleepytime, wrapped up in a giant hoodie and that is helping. Trying desperately to stay away from the kitchen area where chocolate is kept. I think I'd try eating cocoa powder straight if I go near the pantry. Its that bad. This craving for chocolate must mean I'm low on those feel good brain chemicals including serotonin.

I'm extremely uncomfortable. It began with my bed not feeling right, then my clothes, then I could feel every little movement and sound DH was making as he blissfully slept. Frustration turned to anger, then to tears. I could not think of a place to escape. I was left without sanctuary.

Freaked myself out thinking about how I needed sleep for so many different reasons, but wasn't getting one wink. Where was my sandman?!!! I have responsibilities tomorrow and people have expectations of me. I can't pass out tomorrow when this all calms down.

I don't even have a baby to cuddle and rock- the one reason I can think of right now worth not getting any sleep for.

Maybe I'll be okay. I can recall other sleepless nights where I still was able to function the next day.

The night before my wedding. Made the mistake of sharing a hotel room with bride's maids who snored. No sleep what so ever. At one point, thought of sneaking over to fiance's room to see if I could crash there, but decided I didn't want him to see me until at the alter that morning. Somehow I made it through my wedding day. I'm buying my future daughter-in-laws a hotel suite with a room all to themselves.

Strep throat Christmas Eve - Too much pain and difficulty breathing - I couldn't ruin Christmas for my family.

Chest cold last month - constant coughing all night long, yet I didn't miss one day of work that week.

Laboring with my second child - 43 hours no sleep due to contractions - still pushed him out in less than 20 minutes when I finally reached that required 10 cm.

I should put a foreign film on, preferably Japanese or Chinese, and try to read subtitles. This usually knocks me out as I try to keep up with reading subtitles, while trying to read also the actor's faces.

If I read anything else, it won't work. I'm an autodidact, addicted to non-fiction.

If I could make noise, I'd clean and purge, but my nest mates would not appreciate being awoken by my freak fest. Awoken? Awakened?

Surprised my essential oil trick didn't work.

Feeling guilty about not having money for DS11's braces. Like I can solve this at 4:23 in the morning? 

Tomorrow, I mean, later today, I will have to be good to myself and try to remain as relaxed as possible. Even when the cable guy is here for the 4th time in 2 weeks. Can we just drop Charter already? Will Dish or Direct TV work for us? I don't know and I shouldn't care right now!!

My Sleepytime tea is gone.

Yumi wants the computer chair back.

I think I should try again, even if DH's alarm will be going off shortly.