Random Thoughts For Thursday 8/18/11

How about some completely random stuff?

Cheese Its have no sugar. So why do I find them so addictive?

Took awhile but the wasps have found the hummingbird feeder I moved just a few feet this season. We will have to move it again and hopefully confuse the wasps, but still welcome the smarter birds.

I never knew what those numbers meant on my washer until my son pointed out to me they refer to the time duration of the wash. I've had this washer for 10 years and this never dawned on me.

We're getting a refund from the dentist. I love our new dentist! I'm worried we'll lose her when she has her baby. They sent an email saying she's cutting her hours after maternity leave, but I'm worried she'll decide not to come back at all. Then again, I bet she has dental school loans to pay.

We're having spaghetti tonight for supper. As much as I want to enjoy the homemade sauce I made from the tomatoes from our garden, at the same time, I feel like protecting the jars. "No! You can't have my precious sauce!! It must be saved!!" I'll get over it and enjoy it.

Can I shop vac my laptop keyboard?

DS15 asked me what time zone the north pole uses. Good question! I love when my kids ask me something I have no clue about. We both get to learn in the process. The beauty of homeschooling! Whenever those who don't get it, ask me, "How can you teach them stuff you don't know," I try not to grin. I hope they someday find their own inner autodidact.

Despite my efforts, I am a homeschool snob. A family at the pool a few weeks ago asked me about homeschooling. They seemed really interested and impressed, but yet couldn't commit to it for their family. Last night the dad came up to me and said, "There's a really good website for you to use with your son. It has instructional videos..."

"Is it Khan Academy?"

"YES! It is. You know of it?" I knew at that moment I was a veteran. Ya dude, been there, done that.

Also last night a mother said to me, "I could never homeschool. They don't listen to me." My heart broke. I wanted to tell her my children listen to me because I listen to them. But how do I say this without sounding judgmental? Its hard to share your parenting style with others without sounding superior as well. I wanted to tell her, my kids really do love and respect us 100% because we have always loved and respected them, unconditionally. It wasn't that difficult.

I stopped being random there didn't I?

Breaking news! There's a chore war going on right now! I just heard DS15 tell DS12, "I cleaned the sink so you're left with the toilet." (I didn't ask them to clean the bathroom.)

"DUDE! That's not cool! Not cool! I wanted the sink." You snooze you lose DS12. DS15 beat you to it.

I actually would prefer the toilet. It seems cleaner than the sink.

DS15 is now cleaning the toilet himself. Interesting. Apparently he doesn't mind doing it even though he cleaned the sink.

Enough randomness. I'm really just procrastinating running to the grocery store.

Have a great day!

What A Photo Can Trigger In A Mother's Heart

I just found a photo, ten years old. I mourn those little boys forever gone, yet still here. Don't you wish you could clone your children and have them at every age forever?

I need a baby son to cuddle and rock. I need a toddler son I can help take those first steps. I need his 4 year old self, making peanut butter crackers for himself for the first time. I need the giggles and laughter at bedtime, the silly entertaining questions that never stop.

I'm proud of the young men they have become and being here, in this moment, as they transform before my very eyes, I enjoy imagining what their futures will bring. Yet I mourn for those years gone by, so many precious moments now only memories.

I'm blessed to have had every minute with them I was given. I still want a time machine though. I want to read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom one more time. I want to burrito wrap you and wear you in the sling, holding you as close to my heart as I can get. I want to race Matchbox cars and ride couch cushions down the stairs like sleds. I want to cut your sandwiches into shapes and make funny faces with fruit on our plate.

I'm happy we still go for hikes together, and I can introduce you to 80's rock. We get to watch grown up movies and compare social media notes. You teach me more than I teach you these days, and that's something wonderful I wouldn't trade for anything. When you leave my nest, will I be able to figure out the video camera by myself?

I'm learning to let go, but you should know I always will be here, when you need me. I wish I could have had more time to show you everything, but I understand now this wasn't my responsibility. I only had to show you where to find the wind. Your sails and tiller belong to you. You're on a journey I can't keep you from, with destinations I can only dream of.

This Family Made My Night

I wish I would see more examples of good parenting like what I witnessed last night. A little boy began to cry and whine as his parents tried to leave the pool. The father had the patience to ask the little boy, "Please tell me what you are feeling with words so I can understand."

The boy tried to find the words, but returned to crying. The father asked his son in a soft, patient, loving voice, "Do you want to start over?"

The boy stopped crying, took a breath and then found the few words he needed to communicate to his parents that he wanted his older sister to be able to finish reading him the story she had been sharing with him.

The father replied, "Okay," and the sister picked up the book and finished reading. With respect and understanding, they waited for the story to finish before packing up their family.

This was so refreshing! To see a family respecting and supporting each other, rather than trying to control one another.  They understood this experience, the time requirement, it was all an investment in their relationship with each other. They were willing to be in the moment, to stop and adapt rather than worry about control.

What difference would it really make if they left the pool a few minutes later? None really. What difference would it really make if they listened to the needs of their children? Trust and respect continually built upon, establishing a foundation for your family's healthy future, that's the payoff.

Where Did This Come From?

DS11, soon to be DS12, just asked me what it was like to be a parent. He's sitting over there, gaming away, while I'm checking up on all of your Facebook updates, and he casually drops that one on me.

This is a push the chair away from the computer moment.

I'm back now. I told him the answer to this question could not easily be summed up with just a few sentences, but I did my best.

I told him being a parent is a gift. It changes your life in ways you can't imagine. Your life becomes secondary to the life of your child. There is nothing you wouldn't do for your child to make sure they are loved, safe and provided for. You learn more about love than you ever thought possible. You begin to really understand unconditional love from the direction of being the giver not the receiver.

Then I knew I had to hit pause before I began to lose his interest. :)

I asked him why he had asked me this question and he said he didn't know. He said he was just curious.

I love being home and available for when questions like these come up. You can't predict when your children are going to ask what they do most of the time. Homeschooling has really given us the opportunity to get to know each other in a more natural way.

Thoughts On Parenting

I've been witness to too many instances of improper parenting lately. It floors me how some "grown ups" abuse the emotional trust of their children.

I know I've made mistakes, but overall, I try to give my children love and guidance without judgment. I've also been able to raise respectable, young gentlemen without having to hit them or yell at them, except for that one day my voice reached an unimaginable decibel level as I saw my son about to be squashed flat by an oncoming car. Fear and danger will bring out Mama Lion's roar. Needless to say, they never again tried to lay on their skateboards and street luge.

I've had a learning curve. With the first born, we did the "time out" technique, but soon discovered being a first born, he had a natural desire to please us. To this day I still have to watch my powers of guilt, so instilled in me from my parents.

My second born, thankfully, was given to me with a strong will. The very few times we tried "time out" with him didn't work. After much prayer I figured out what he needed was for me to trust him with responsibility. Getting into mischief was only a sign he needed a project he could take ownership of and develop his self esteem. His transformation from terrible two taught me so much about respect and what I should expect from my children.

I learned how to really think about what their needs were. Hungry, thirsty, tired, sick, lonely, these can all bring out the worse in someone. When I could stay in tune with their needs, harmony was easy. I don't know that I could have achieved this without being a hands on parent.

I had to respect and honor the person they were born to be, not the person I thought they should become. The only way I could teach them how to love and respect others was if I modeled that myself. I couldn't beat, yell, or shame that into them without being a complete hypocrite.

Now that the boys are in or approaching their teens, I'm realizing how wonderful the payoff is. Honestly, there has not been one temper tantrum in our house for over a decade. I'm finding my boys are not moody or temperamental. There is no teen rebellion. We aren't even seeing any sibling rivalry.

Maybe this is because we've always respected them and given them the freedom they needed. They've demonstrated to us how they are more than capable of making wise decisions when it comes to honoring and respecting others.

I can remember how my relationship with my parents had to reach a breaking point before they began to treat me as an adult. Its unfortunate we had to say hurtful words to each other through this process. We have a wonderful relationship now. Love and forgiveness really do bring healing.

I'm sure one day, more of my parenting faults will surface, but overall I know we've built a strong family, who will always be there for one another. I'm very grateful we've found our way here, perhaps because we chose an uncommon path.

Today needs to be good...

Maybe it was because it was a Monday. Maybe it was because I was getting sick. Maybe I just need an unschooling mom day away. (Don't worry, its coming soon.) Maybe it was because someone knocked off my chain, and I chased my kids around because Karen Black wasn't available.

My throat started feeling sore on Sunday and by Monday it was confirmed. I had something brewing. Determined not to miss my upcoming unschooling Pow Wow, I began to load up on Emergen-C, lots of hot tea and fresh fruit and veg. I also decided I needed rest. This formula has worked for me all winter.

Most of the day went according to plan. Then the Rats came. I had told the boys perhaps we could skip friends today. After all, the rats were here on Saturday from 10:30-5:30 and on Sunday from 10:30-2:30. The boys assured me they would be quiet so I could rest.

I went to lay down at 3:00pm. I never fell asleep. First the phone rang off the hook. The boys never answered it. Then the doorbell was non-stop. The real problem was the vent near my bed is right over the Boycave. I could hear every scream.

I lost it. I went downstairs and yelled for friends to go home. I didn't speak again to my children until their father arrived home.

I was so angry I didn't know myself. Maybe it was because my throat hurt or maybe it was because the boys very rarely disappoint me like this. I could tell the boys wanted to apologize but I wasn't ready to hear it.

In my head I was saying, "You have no respect for me! You knew I was not feeling well and wanted to rest! You said you would answer the phone and the doorbell! You said you could play quietly! I give you too much freedom! You don't think about anyone but yourself! MAYBE I SHOULD SEND YOU TO SCHOOL!"

This last thought shook me. I needed to call Dad.

"Dear Lord, I can't do this anymore. They don't respect me. I can't keep it all together. I'm getting sick, and I hurt! What am I going to do? I don't really want to send them to school. Punishment is not the answer. Why did this happen?!"

"One simply answer- You need to forgive them. They are 12 &  9 and they made a mistake. You made some too. You need to forgive them that's all."

Wow! He was so right! I needed to let go of the anger, let go of the self pity and forgive them. Most of the time they are wonderful, caring, compassionate young men. I blew it big time with my mommy temper tantrum.

The boys were in tears before DH got home. Supper was awkward even after I had told the boys I forgave them. It had put a damper on the entire evening even though we said what we needed to say to each other. I will never get back those few hours I gave to Darkside Dawn, when I could have been a loving mother instead of an angry one.

I prayed before I fell asleep and gave my throat pain away. I gave away all the stress and decided to "Let It Be".

This morning my throat feels a bit better and the boys are back to their normal unschooly selves. I'm on my way back to being my normal self too. Yeah! Thanks God!

Darkside Dawn is back...

Sorry I've been MIA. Its probably a good thing because I'm just in a whiny mood. Everything seems to be a struggle these days.

DS12 is watching "Star Wars The Legacy Revealed" on the History Channel this morning. Its really good! I never realized Darth Vader's helmet resembled the Nazi's.

DS9 is taking a break from making Poptart ATCs. Yesterday he told me he was running out of ideas for Poptart flavors. I guess its down time for his creativity until he recharges. Got any ideas for flavors of Poptarts you'd like to try?

Maybe I need recharging too. I'm generally dissatisfied with life these days. I know I need to count my blessings and get over it, but first get your cheese, I want to whine.

I have lost my patience for parents who don't parent! Why do so many people ignore their child's inappropriate behavior and fail to correct them?

I shouldn't be surprised. They aren't really parents but taxi drivers. They shuffle their kids from school, to swim lessons, then soccer, then karate, etc. They don't even pay attention to what their child is learning.

"I don't know what level my son swims at now. I don't know who his teacher is. I want to schedule lessons for spring but what level will he be in?"  Translation- I just pay for lessons. I don't watch him swim. You introduced me to his teacher weeks ago but I didn't care to learn her name. I don't ask him how he's doing. I certainly don't come back for family swim and swim with my child ever! We don't have time for that!

I have also lost faith in our DMV department for issuing driver's licenses. The past two nights I've had near misses.

I slowed down and signaled I was pulling over. I was dropping off my nephew in his driveway. The moron behind me doesn't slow down but honks his horn and flips me off. Nephew is in the van so I can't return the insult.

Last night I'm driven off the road because moron #2 wants to pass someone when it wasn't safe to do so. Never mind the fact that 200 yards further, the road opens up to 4 lanes. It was more important to threaten my life. 

If DS9 is serious about wanting to be a police officer, I can't wait for him to kick butt doing so! I can't tell you how many times I wish I had a dashboard camera!

I have to stop being Darkside Dawn. DS9 is playing a game where he has to spell words and he's asking for help. (Unschooling spelling lesson time)

Thanks for letting me vent. I'll turn back to my cookie baking self soon.

So Nasty!!

This is why there will be no video games or computer time in our house this week. I finished painting and DH moved the bunk beds into the boys' new room. All of this crap was under their bed!!!!!! I was horrified!!!

I had to leave the room before the nervous breakdown erupted. Once I settled down, rather than yell and scream, I informed them this is their project this coming week. They need to go through all this stuff, throwing away what they don't want and finding a place for the stuff they do. Out of sight, out of mind is not going to cut it.

Their old bedroom has to become the guest room. Once they clear out the junk, I can prime, paint and carpet shampoo, but for now, I have to focus on one room at a time.

Their new room rocks. The paint colors came out really nice and they have much more room. I didn't buy the $5 desks at S.W.A.P. because they were so beat up, but we may have enough room to move the computer desk from downstairs. But that's another project for another weekend.

I'm going to look for under the bed organizers with wheels. I'm not going to allow the frugal mom inside of me to hold back on that one. These kids need help staying organized! I'm also going to look for jungle vine. DS8 wanted a jungle room, but since the boys still want to share a room, I needed to come up with a compromise. I'm going to hang jungle vines around DS8's part of the bunk bed along with his long armed stuffed monkeys and lemurs. I'm also going to look for shelves I can install all along the top perimeter of the room. I'll have to take after pictures once its all completed.

It feels good to get this project going and to bring order to the chaos. There's a satisfaction that comes from fixing your nest and purging the clutter really helps me emotionally. I don't want to be a hoarder, and I don't want my children becoming hoarders either.

At our game day the moms were discussing how to purge toys. Many moms wait for their children to be out of the house so they don't have to deal with the tears, but one mom said she has her daughters right there so they will learn how to let things go. This is smart parenting! I can't wait to start making trips to Goodwill this week!