Random Thoughts

Note to husband - hiding the caramel chocolitas next to my fruit smoothie supplies was not the best choice.

Hiking in 90 degree heat in your sandals for the first time after a long cold winter, not a good choice either. Ouch! Blister! I guess I need to get my feet summer ready.

I think its pretty cool the humming birds have found the feeder but the wasps have not. Its only moved a few feet, but apparently the wasps have poor eyesight or strong chemical sensors to last year's spot.

We're converting 8mm tape to the computer and after watching footage from years ago, I'm more motivated than ever to purge. When the boys were younger, we had so much room to move around. Its amazing how much stuff you accumulate in life. We were perfectly happy playing around on the ground with our pillows and blankets. Furniture could be over rated. I'm going to re-think this. 

I'm finding it actually sad viewing these tapes and wondering where these little boys went. I have young men with deep voices now. I want to reach through the camera and squeeze their cute little heads.

I just heard thunder!!! Awesome!! Please rain!! The garden is planted, and the seeds are thirsty.

I hope I can still find tomato and pepper plants after we return from our trip this weekend. I don't want to plant them now and have to worry about someone being around to water them.

Yeah! Its raining!

I think I'll go brew some wine coolers, I mean youthberry orange blossom tea. It might be a nice treat to bring some to work with me to sip.

One more thought - Osama Bin Robin, feel free to start targeting the obnoxious camper my neighbor down the street has decided to park in front of our house instead of his. 

Its amazing to me. When the deciduous trees decide its time once again for leaves, they seem to pop out over night. How quickly the world can green up.

Added a tangerine flavored Emergen-C to a glass of Youthberry & Wild Orange Blossom iced tea and it tastes like I'm drinking a wine cooler at 9:30am instead of a health drink. Is this a good thing?

Weekend Update 5/9/11

Friday - Headed up to Oshkosh for the WPA conference. Hosted Apples To Apples gathering and was surprised at our huge turn out. Many more teens than I had expected, yet I suspect a couple of local college kids wandered in to join us.

I really don't like that WPA basically has the conference in a UW Oshkosh dorm. They may call it a "conference center", but its a dorm. I resent how the "conference director" also tries to turn our conference into a promotion/recruitment weekend for UW Oshkosh. The campus is depressing with liquor stores literally across the parking lot from the dorms. Not exactly family friendly.

Our night at the hotel was brief because we're busy at the conference, but to me it felt long since I didn't sleep. I'm fighting off the scratchy throat & dry cough the rest of my family has already dealt with.

On pure adrenaline, I presented our two other workshops and then we attended the commencement gathering. Lunch followed and then we got some much needed fresh air at the zoo and park in Oshkosh.

We came home Saturday night and met G-Ma. Being tired we crashed on the couch for movies and I went to bed and finally slept.

Sunday was a double holiday for me, Mother's Day and my anniversary - 18 years married, 25 years together. It ended up being one of those days I wish I could record and do over and over.

Woke up and Pride & Prejudice was on. Is there a better way to wake up on your anniversary? After lingering in the love nest, I had a spinach banana strawberry smoothie - YUM! After being spoiled with gifts including gourmet blended tea from Teavana and chocolate, we headed out to lunch at Outback. After lunch we hiked at Magnolia Bluff and saw many early spring, forest wild flowers. Once back home, I spent the rest of the afternoon in the garden getting more veggies planted. After a fend for yourself supper or snack break, the boys watched Repo Man and I made caramel chocolitas. It was a perfect Mother's Day/Anniversary Sunday.

On the agenda this week, get the video loaded to the computer, finish planting the garden and finish all errands before next weekend when we head to Ohio. I'm hoping the Unschoolers Waterpark Gathering is more welcoming and inspiring than the WPA homeschooling conference was.

One more thing, Mr. Crazy Robin has an official name courtesy of GMa - "Osama Bin Robin." He also now has an accomplice. Hopefully I'll figure out how to share video soon. 

There are NOT caramel chocolitas in the kitchen. There are NOT caramel chocolitas in the kitchen. There are NOT caramel chocolitas in the kitchen. There are NOT caramel chocolitas in the kitchen.......I wish I had a sponsor to call who could come over, wrap up the caramel chocolitas and bury them back in the deep recesses of my freezer. For some reason, treats left on the counter are picked at, but treats sent to the forgotten twilight zone of my freezer bring me balance. You may say having the sponsor remove the treats from my home entirely would be better, but actually that only makes me want to make more. Knowing they are in the freezer actually keeps me from baking more, yet I don't eat them. I need to know they are available so I don't have that fear of lacking, yet I still need them out of sight out of mind. Will I ever figure this out?!

Birdwatching and Babbling This Morning

I'm up early with my birds. Fluffy is my favorite house finch. He always seems to be wearing a blow out. His back wing feathers appear to be damaged but he's able to fly around and visits the seed feeder regularly.

Our first hummingbird of the season was checking out the nectar feeder. We have moved it slightly, and we may have to move it further. I'm just so excited they are back in the area after their migration. Its amazing to me how far these birds travel.

Our neurotic robin has won the war. We're now parking in the street. Yesterday I had pulled into the driveway to unload groceries and as soon as I came back out for the second load of bags he was sitting on the window, pecking and pooping away. I grabbed the hose for a quick rinse off. When I went to put the hose away, he was back that quickly. My son captured some video of him. I will have to see if we can upload it for you to see.

Speaking of cameras, mine is officially broke. For the time being, I will see if I can learn how to use our video camera to take still shots. I'm not in a hurry to buy a new camera. Maybe because deep down, I'm thinking smart phone?

I've been busy getting ready for our state's homeschool conference coming this weekend in Oshkosh, WI. My family is hosting several workshops once again. Every year I tell myself not this year, but then when they ask me, I can't say no.

We'll have back to back getaway weekends. The following weekend we head to Sandusky,OH for another homeschooling conference. I'm really trying not to think about the price of gas right now. These events were planned months ago and I do really want to get away. Plus we have to make memories with the boys while they're still living with us. We only have a few years left and they'll be out of the nest.

My tea kettle sounds ready so I suppose I should pop in my toast. Have a great day!

1st Hummingbird of the 2011 season

Start:	May 5, '11 07:00a
Location:	Sleepyhouse

We had our first hummingbird of the 2011 season visit our feeder. Hopefully he'll return but perhaps he's headed further north. Its great to know they're coming back. We have moved the feeder slightly from where we hung it last year.

Can't I Just Eat More Bananas?

I know I should just find a new doctor, but that's always easier said than done when you have health insurance limitations and lack the funds to pay out of pocket.

I received a call that my recent blood work shows I'm a little low on potassium. To be exact, one tenth of a point lower than what is considered normal. My doctor wants me to change my hypertension medicine.

After the shock wore off, I called back and asked if I could try eating more bananas or try a potassium supplement. "Just take this medicine, that is what I'm telling you to do."

I'm pissed off. I will probably discuss this further with the pharmacist, especially if this new medication is more expensive. Is one tenth really that much of a concern? I will also research the dangers of low potassium.

This adds another bump in the road for me. Its been difficult to get back on track.

I need to focus on good health goals and not let my doctor's lack of bedside manner get me down.

UPDATE!!! As soon as I posted this, my phone rang. It was my doctor's nurse calling me back telling me she's thought it over and she's willing to let me try and get more dietary potassium the next 4 weeks and then we'll retest. I'm shocked! I guess my complaining did work! So I guess its banana smoothies for me the next 30 days. Wish me luck!

Wasn't it more creepy when before cell phones, the bad guys knew how to reach you by calling the payphone nearest you?

Obeying My Chocolate

My Dove chocolate wrapper told me to make a list of my dreams.

1. I hope our garden produces a bountiful harvest and the Japanese beetles leave it alone.
2. I hope to travel one day and see Sequoias, rock formations, waterfalls and mountains.
3. I hope to one day have an ideal healthy body.
4. I hope to grow old with my husband and be a Grandma who can bless many grandchildren.
5. I hope my children can make a life for themselves doing what they love.
6. I hope to one day have a canine fur baby I can dress in cute winter coats. 
7. I hope to one day have zero debt.
8. I hope to get away for a romantic weekend September 3rd and see Blind Melon.
9. I hope to build and decorate my own outdoor room. 
10. I hope to perfect the art of making the perfect thin crust pizza.

Our Easter Weekend 4/25/11

G-Ma sure knows how to spoil us. Wonderful feasting, tasty treats, unexpected gifts, priceless time with family, it all added up to a blessed weekend.

I loved having time to share with DH on Friday, since he was given the day off. We had planned on running errands, but we really wanted to spend time with the boys, so we all went out for lunch at Cocina Real.

Saturday ended up being our get ready for Easter day, after a walk first up to our library and post office. I made the cranberry sauce and Texas rolls and we gave the boys their Easter baskets a little early. We wanted them to be able to enjoy their gift while we were home, since Sunday was road trip day.

We hid DS12's basket in the last place he expected it to be. He challenged us to hide it in a truly difficult place. It was in the oven, the last place he checked before almost deciding to give up.

We never got around to hiding eggs. We're going to do this today and look for them when DH gets home from work.

Sunday was road trip day to K-town. G-Ma prepared a full turkey dinner spread and everything was delicious. After cousins left, we played Super Mario Yahtzee and watched G-Ma's Chiller channel. I really wish our cable provider offered this channel.

I didn't snap any photos because there was a mix up at Kmart. I told the clerk I wanted a SD media card. They were locked up and he had to pull them from the shelf. I paid for the card but honestly didn't see him throw it into the bag along with our other purchases. When I got home, I discovered he had grabbed a media stick.

DS15 brought along our video recorder and I know he did capture some video. I should just designate him to be official photographer as well.

I have much to do this week. I need to finish up workshop presentations for our upcoming homeschooling conference, and I want to finish up the garden beds. I want to do more spring cleaning too. May is going to be very busy for us and we have only one more week here in April to get ready.

Feeling Like My Car Window Looks

Look what Mr. Crazy Robin has done to my car. DH's car window looks about the same. This is the same bird that keeps pecking at our garage window as well. He'll sit on the side view mirror and go at it.

I was hoping yesterday's weather would wash it away. We had raining sleet changing to ice. It was dreadful. I came out of work to several inches of slush freezing up in the parking lot. I keep looking at the calendar for a reality check.

I need a change in the weather or at least a little sunshine. I think its starting to affect my mood. I read some nutritional magazines and found myself getting depressed instead of being motivated. Its too easy to beat up on myself right now for some reason.

It doesn't feel like Easter is coming. I haven't put up any decorations and I have no desire to color eggs. Again, I blame the weather. I will have to dig deep and fake it until I feel it.

I can't decide hot or cold. This flip floppy weather isn't helping my seasonal tea transition. Would it be crazy to have both at the same time?

Weekend Notes 4/18/11

Here's what's left of the lemon bundt cake I made for my parents' birthday. I was sure I possessed a bundt cake pan, but found out I have two angel food cake pans. I guess I'll need to try and trade one of these in at Goodwill for a bundt cake pan.

The cake recipe was from America's Test Kitchen, so I thought it was foolproof. I was disappointed it didn't rise up well, but maybe that had to do with the fact I used an angel food cake pan? The cake was very yummy, although sickeningly rich. Some of our planned company couldn't show and we had so many other goodies, I now have half a cake left. I will probably see if the teachers at work want to try it.

While my parents were here, we enjoyed a nice visit, although the weather did not cooperate except for Sunday. The Art Crawl was a bust because it was cold, rainy and very windy. We stayed in and visited.

Saturday we did some shopping and had lunch out. My parents really enjoy eating at Culvers because they don't have this burger/frozen custard joint back home.

Saturday night DH, the boys and I broke away and saw Scream 4. My recommendation, wait for Netflix. I was disappointed in the movie, expecting it to be much better. It was still fun to get out with my boys though.

Sunday my sister and I took mom out for more shopping. We had a great time and I bought a few much needed shirts since everything was 50% off!

My dad stayed home and sat outside with Mr. Crazy Robin. That neurotic bird is still guarding our yard, pecking at the garage window. He's now also including pecking at our car window, splatting his white droppings all down the side of our black car door. My dad was only sitting probably 5 feet away and this bird wasn't deterred from his attacks on anything that reflects his image.

Except for a little stomach issue Saturday night into Sunday morning, (too much movie popcorn?),  DS12 had a good weekend as did DS15. I enjoy seeing how much they help their grandparents when they are visiting.

We'll miss having my parents here, but its a good thing the Amish baked goods and other treats are now also gone as well.

I'm going to try and get back on track eating healthy. My doctor's appointment last week went well and she was happy my weight was down, but I know I have to get back on track with my daily exercise and portion control. No offense to my family, but when we have these gatherings, I lose my focus on healthy living.

My Fresh Friday Ramble....

Brrrrr!! 26 wind chill! Not cool Mother Nature. Not cool. Well I guess technically, this is "cool".

We have a wind advisory today. Its quite entertaining. I don't know which show is better, the birds trying to land on the feeder or the workmen trying to build the house across the street. The smart birds are eating off the ground. The workmen, not so smart. They are trying to lift large pieces of plywood only to be blown over in the wind. Its an accident waiting to happen.

I thought I'd get my girlie groove on and paint my nails and toes. Now I remember why I don't do this very often. I can't sit still long enough for them to dry.

I'm planning on making my first lemon bundt cake from scratch this afternoon. Its for my dad's birthday. They should be back visiting with us later this afternoon.

I wish the weather wasn't so cruddy. Tonight is the art crawl and I was looking forward to strolling around downtown. What's the point of getting date night dressed up if I have to bundle up in layers and a winter coat?

Maybe I'll have to see if DH wants to take me to see Scream 4 this weekend?

Speaking of DH, he took the leftover pizza and left me home alone with teenagers. I was concerned but when I broke the news to the boys, they were okay with it. "Dad had a hard night last night." How sweet of them to be so understanding.

I better get moving here. Have a great weekend!

Blind Melon at Slinger Speedway!

Start:	Jun 18, '11 12:00p
Location:	Slinger, WI

Keep em coming boys! Another summer of Melon love heading my way!! I wonder where/when the next midwest show will be added. I can't wait!!

What's Been Going On (as of 4/12/11)

Hopefully the lovesick robin will leave me alone when I try to garden later. We have a male robin who's been pecking at the windows. He's taken over the side of the yard where our garden beds are. He flies from the birch tree to the garage window,  pecking away at his shadow, silly bird. So far his comic charm hasn't worked on the lady robins.

My parents did the first part of their visit yesterday. We visited the Amish bulk food store nearby and went out for lunch. I found out the Amish will soon be ordering coconut oil so I'll have to go back for that. They will also order me 50 pound bags of grains for half the cost of what I have to pay in the commercial health food store. I just need to find someone to go in with me or figure out a way to store all that grain. With the cost of food rising, I'm looking to stretch our food dollars and I know preparing everything from scratch helps.

This past weekend, we watched the movie 127 hours. What an amazing true story! The film making was well done too. If you're putting off seeing this movie because you're squeamish, know the gore isn't that horrific. It does not distract from the piece, no pun intended. The strength of human spirit is what makes this movie brilliant and will move you to tears.

DH & I also watched the documentary, The Smartest Guy In The Room. It made me furiously angry. True evil exists in this world, motivated by greed. When people are so eager to follow, lying idiots can become leaders. I'll have to see if the boys want to watch it and discuss it.

I have a few days before my parents return for the weekend. I'm hoping to spend a few of them playing in the dirt, adding compost and planting early veggies. I can't believe how quickly April seems to be heading to May.

Sleepyboy #2 is now awake so I think I'll get our gardening supplies in order for a little after breakfast fresh air.

The plastic is off! The windows are open! It feels great to finally be able to air out the house. It is wonky that we're going from needing to run the furnace to possible 80's in less than 24 hours. Oh yes, I live in Wisconsin. Hopefully the soil will warm up and we can start planting the garden.

Cleverbot, Real Life & Difficult Decisions

We've been spending a great deal of time playing with Cleverbot. There is something so amusing to me about sarcastic artificial intelligence. You'll have to check it out- www.cleverbot.com . Of course, maybe I enjoy watching the boys interact with it more. They are more clever and witty than I am. 

My son told me his public high schooled pal was required to watch Degrassi during school hours because it helped them learn about "real life". I nearly spit out my iced tea. If anyone ever criticizes our unschooling choices, I'm saving this one for ammunition.

I asked my son if he thought a fictional show, designed to generate profit from marketing dollars, was the best choice for learning about REAL life? I'm happy to report he gets it. Why not learn about REAL life by living it in the REAL world?

In fairness, we've never watched Degrassi, just the promos, but from what we gather, none of our REAL friends resemble Degrassi drama. I'd also like to give the school the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the teacher was trying to use a work of fiction to teach values, and I have nothing against using works of art as tools of instruction. However, what came out of this young man's mouth was, "We HAVE to watch it because it teaches us about REAL life." Do you see the problem here? Actually there's several red flags in that statement for me.

Onto something else that has my feathers ruffled. I'm weighing a decision that pulls against what my heart wants and what my head says I should do. I'm leaning towards what my head says, which is so unlike me. I always follow my heart!

I can't just list the pros and cons because each line item carries a different value, which is difficult for me to truly access. This decision could help me reach certain goals, but not in the way I had originally intended. I'm being challenged with having to head down a different path, TRUSTING in that it will all work out.

I know what I want, but I can't see how to get there. A path presents itself and I can't see exactly where its going to lead. Do I trust it and follow? I have to remember I always carry with me the strength and wisdom to TURN AROUND or find a new path if my journey becomes unhealthy or takes me away from my dream. So I'm going with my head, not my heart. It will hurt, but I've learned these past years that through pain comes increased strength and endurance.

Having this opportunity come to me isn't something I've engineered so there is a feeling I'm somehow taking a step backward because I'm seizing something I haven't worked for, but there will be a sacrifice I have to make. I only hope I can balance it all out.

Alright, if you're still reading this, I'm amazed you're that interested in my deep thoughts. I write these for me to think. And to kill time, which I've sufficiently done now. Time to stop working on myself and do a little work for others.

WPA Homeschool Conference

Start:	May 6, '11
End:	May 7, '11
Location:	Oshkosh

Wisconsin Parents Association's Homeschool conference
http://homeschooling-wpa.org/conference/

Life's been unpredictable lately and that rocks!

Saving Money Brewing Tea With Honey

I haven't yet figured out what home business to start, but for the time being, I figure I could try to be more frugal than I usually am. Taking steps to save money is also a move in the direction of financial freedom.

Yesterday I bought 100 black tea bags for one dollar. I made 2 quarts of iced tea using 4 tea bags, that's .04 cents for what I usually spend over $2.00 purchasing already brewed at McDonald's. Plus, I could add a few spoonfuls of my own honey rather than tons of sugar or worse. This gave it just a touch of sweetness without over doing it.

For quite awhile my drink splurge was Sobe Green Tea with honey, $1.68 for 32 ounces at my local Subway. I found out this was actually honey "flavor" not real honey. Eww! I need to get back to adding drops of real honey to my tea to help treat my seasonal allergies. From now on, I vow to brew my own and keep a glass pitcher of iced tea available to me in the fridgy.

How does honey help my allergies better than over the counter drugs?  Years ago I started consuming a small spoonful of LOCAL honey everyday. This exposed my immune system to local allergens year round, allowing my body to adjust. After a year of doing this, I noticed a summer went by where I wasn't bothered like I usually was. The next summer, same story. I no longer needed allergy medication. This summer, I'm hoping for the best,  but honestly, I fell off the honey wagon and haven't been consuming honey everyday. We'll see what happens this first week of June.

I love that he loves watching International House Hunters with me!

What's Up

I'm getting impatient waiting for spring. I keep looking over our garden plans and making changes. I made a list of everything we want to try growing, bought seeds, and now realize we don't have room for it all.

I'm thinking of moving a few of the beds. Although this is labor intensive, it will help make room for one more garden bed. I also have this linear/symmetrical hangup when I try to organize.

Here's what's on my list if you're curious; sugar snap peas, green beans, dark zucchini and cocozelle, spaghetti and butternut squash, several varieties of lettuce greens, chard and spinach, basil, cilantro, onions. I plan on buying Romas from starter plants rather than seed starting those myself, along with some pepper plants. I may sneak in potatoes if I can find room and this fall I'll plant garlic for next year. Gone are the melons. :( We just don't get enough hot days. The greenhouse dream will have to wait.

My tatting practice is coming along but I think I need to find a coach. I've been teaching myself using online videos, and I'm waiting for my inter-library requests to arrive for more books and videos. With each practice I get better, but so far something goes wrong and my tatted flowers end up twisted or I knot in the wrong place. I'll keep at it.

Our dentist appointments went well yesterday, no cavities! However we can't put off any longer taking DS12 to see an orthodontist and 6 months from now DS15 may need his wisdom teeth pulled. This surprises me because DH & myself didn't have our wisdom teeth removed until we were around age 20. A friend of our son just has his removed and he's 14, so maybe they do them earlier now?

I'll need to figure out how to increase our income very soon! I'd rather come up with something we can produce to sell rather than pyramid sales. Or maybe there is a service we can offer that I just haven't figured out how to market yet. The trick is finding something that the market is in demand for that I'm passionate about. I'll keep you posted.

BLIND MELON @ RIB FEST 2011!

Start:	Sep 3, '11 6:30p
Location:	Military Park, Indianapolis

Blind Melon at Rib Fest Indianapolis - I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think we'll save the cash and see them in Chicago the next day instead.

ABC Game

A: Age - 42 ~ I had to actually do the math.

B: Bed size - Queen

C: Chinese food dish - last time I had Chinese it was cashew chicken

D: Dentist name - Dr Botts

E: Early bird or night owl - Depends on the day and my hormones

F: Favorite color - Indigo

G: Gold or silver - Indifferent

H: Height - 5' 5"

I: Ink -Blue

J: Jellybean - Pear flavor Jelly Belly brand

K: Kitchen meal or restaurant - Restaurant!!

L: Living arrangements - Sleepyhouse in Heavensville with DH, DS15, DS12, Yumi,Gust and Tornado

M: Month of birth - August

N: Nicknames - I don't have one. I guess "mom" LOL!

O: On time or late - Early 

P: Pet peeve - disrespect

Q: Quote from a movie - "And those are the words of a gentleman. From the first moment I met you, your arrogance and conceit, your selfish disdain for the feelings of others made me realize that you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry." 

R: Right or left-handed - It depends on what I'm doing. 

S: Siblings - 3 sisters, 1 brother 

T: Time you wake up - There is no set time. It varies.

U: Urgent thing on your to-do list: CHILLAX - Work's been stressful this week

V: Vegetable you dislike: water chestnuts or baby corn in Chinese. They taste horribly canned. Actually any canned veggie is pretty gross. I'll try any veggie fresh or steamed. 

W: Wishing for - A constant peaceful, calm state of mind and a healthy body

X: X-rays you've had - Why is this interesting? Teeth, squished girls, back, head MRI, CT body scan - Wait is this question to freak me out with how much radiation  I've been exposed to throughout my life!?

Y: Yummy food you make - I'm known for my baking but I'm trying to prepare more more fresh, raw foodie dishes.

Z: Zoo favorite - Tigers, It saddens me they have to be confined in zoo habitats but their survival in the wild isn't going to last much longer.

Thankful Thursday 3/24/11

I opened the blinds and waited for her arrival. I have missed her presence. She arrived with brilliance and I faced her, enjoying her blessing through my closed eyes. I'm grateful for an unfiltered dawn.

Hopefully this will lead to an unfiltered Dawn as well. I've been off my groove, hitting speed bumps and detours, and this has dimmed my shine.

Today we are officially covered on health and dental insurance. I'm very grateful no one got sick, suffered any injuries or dental needs while we waited out the waiting period. My heart goes out to the many families still living without options. Having been there, I can tell you first hand there were times we should have visited the doctor/dentist but we put it off due to the costs involved not being insured. This isn't how it should work. Preventative care is key in avoiding larger, more costly treatments later.

I've been more busy than usual with work and the projects are stacking up. I'm grateful to have a job though. I'll keep plugging away, and I'm sure I'll catch up once we get settled into our new spring session.

I'm grateful to have such a loving, supportive family. I still get the question from the boys, "Do you HAVE to work today?" It nice to know they still miss me, even though they are older and more capable of taking care of themselves. DS15 always tells me to "drive safe" and this warms my heart.

I truly have an amazing husband. He has very strong work ethic, and now that he's no longer a contract employee, he's had to work overtime every week this past month. He does it all without complaint, and when he comes home to our nest, he's forgiving and understanding if there are dishes waiting to be washed or laundry needing to be put away. After working hard all day, he'll still pitch in at home. I'll grateful for all he does for us.

Today is homeschool posse day! I'm so grateful to have inspirational friends. Thursday afternoons always recharge me.

Not Much Sleeping In The Sleepyhouse Lately

I guess our protest plans have to change and we'll be protesting this morning in spirit. Originally we were going to march at our state capitol to show our support for *libraries. DS12 however, didn't sleep more than an hour last night. He finally felt relaxed enough to try to fall asleep at 7:00am, so this changes our plans.

I slept from 10:00pm to 5:00am which is pretty good for me lately. The night before I only slept from 11:00pm to just before 4:00am but when I tried to nap later, I couldn't fall asleep. I think its hormones, the moon, spring equinox, and biting off more than I should. I'm trying to relax and not stress over it. Eventually my body will get it figured out.

So today will be a take it easy day. I'll try to get some reading in and when my sleepyheads finally wake up, I'll help them take it easy too.

*Our governor wants to cut funding to libraries. Of course as homeschoolers, our library is essential to us, but I also know the library provides resources for everyone in the community which improves their lives. A great example, when you're laid off, you have to job search online. Its where most job postings now are. If you're unemployed, you may not be able to afford internet access at home. The library provides free internet access, allowing people to look for work.

Libraries offer the opportunity for all citizens to further their education for free!! Educated people make for better productive citizens. I'm very upset our governor can give 500 million in tax breaks to the wealthy and big business by taking away educational resources from the poor and middle class.

 

First Spring Day Thoughts 3/20/11

Its the first day of spring here in Wisconsin, and we woke up to a thunderstorm! I loved it! The rain may change to snow later this week as our temperatures are predicted to go back down. I really hope the white stuff doesn't stick because with all this rain we are beginning to see things green up a bit.

I'm taking some time to finalize our Sleepyhouse garden plans for the 2011 growing season. I have a long wish list of herbs and veggies to grow, and I'm not 100% certain our existing raised beds can handle it all. We may just have to convert more grass to garden space!

I have a new toy! We took some tax return money and invested in a lap top. We had been thinking e-reader but that evolved into a tablet. After more thought we didn't feel comfortable spending all that money on a tablet when we found a laptop for less money with more functionality. Our new laptop came preloaded with Nook reader, and I've also downloaded Adobe Digital Editions so we can borrow free e-books from our library system and keep all our e-reading options in one place. I'm currently reading, You Can Do It Too, 20 Essential Things Every Budding Entrepreneur Should Know, by Rachel Bridge. Which is another reason we've invested in another family computer. Hopefully we'll figure out a home business opportunity soon.

DS15 has been exploring job listings. I know he's thinking about heading out and earning his own money. A few of his older friends have already done this. As he's begun exploring options, it dawned on me once he finds a part-time job, we'll see less of him. Weekend road trips, family outings, gathering with friends, these events could become more rare as he needs to shift his attention to work. This made me a little sad. Not that I don't want my offspring to fly from the nest and test their wings. I'm just going to miss him. It will be a foreshadow of my life to come, after the boys have left the Sleepyhouse.

This has motivated me to get serious about this family business dream. I would love something we all could be a part of either in a full or part-time fashion. Even if the boys eventually decide NOT to work with us, maybe it would give me the flexibility to have a little time left to share in their lives.

We streamed two good movies through Netflix this weekend. Ahhh... Zombies turned out to be a fun low budget zombie flick where the story is told from the zombies' perspective. The second movie we streamed was Monsters. DH and I really enjoyed it but the boys not so much. It turned out to be more of a love story than a monster story. 

We've also been watching March Madness this weekend. Wisconsin has made it to the final 16! Yeah!

My mind keeps wandering back to my garden. I suppose I'll end this and follow that train of thought for awhile. Peace out!

Zombie Mode

I haven't been sleeping well the past 3, or is that 4, nights. I've lost track. I could blame the grizzly bear I share a bed with, but truly I think its more me than him.

I'm still doing nightly relaxation visualization, listening to Jon Gabriel on my MP3 player, but afterward, I'm not falling asleep. Instead my mind starts back up, racing away.

Its not about stressful stuff either. I'm just overly excited about the abundant possibilities of life. The autodidact in me starts thinking about all the things I want to learn about and do. Am I so relaxed after my visualization practice that it frees my mind to dream up too much ambition?

Once I finally do fall asleep, I don't stay that way for long. The slightest thing will wake me and then I'm WIDE awake, racing thoughts once again.

Maybe its hormones?

Maybe its spring?

I have been watching my caffeine and drinking mostly water. Maybe I need to practice a different meditation before bed where instead of visualizing myself healthy and fit, enjoying all kinds of activities, I focus on quieting down my mind.

What's crazy considering my serious sleep deprivation is that I'm constantly amping up my day to day life. I can't just sit back and do the usual routine. I seem to create more and more projects for myself both at home and at work.

Am I going to crash and burn? Probably. I know I can't keep up this pace without getting at least 7 hours of sleep. The 3-4 I'm most likely averaging after you add it all up is not going to sustain me very much longer.

I seriously hope I can find a more healthy, balanced life rhythm. 

Do your habits aline with your desires?

Thankful Thursday 3/10/11

I still technically have 54 minutes of Thursday left so I'm cranking this out before I jump into my jammies and pop my ear buds in.

I'm grateful for....

Realizing how many wonderful friends bless my life ~ It just hit me today how abundant they are around me.

Direct deposit of tax refunds ~ Especially when waiting for DH's new payday schedule!

Baby spinach and strawberries ~ So perfect together!

A great place to work with a great team of co-workers!

It was a skunk, not a deer. ~ And he/she didn't leave this world spraying!

The homeschool posse will remain together! ~ Our friends don't have to move after all!

He wanted to call me, just because he needed to hear my voice.

An 8 month old smiled and shared her joy with me ~ Everyone should hold a baby every now and then. Its wonderful therapy.

I know the truth. ~ And it makes my soul laugh with excitement and delight!

Day 5 - Definitely over the hump. By tomorrow I'm predicting I'll be back to normal and the rhino will have left the building.

Bakies!

DH ~ "Why haven't you baked anything in several weeks?"

Me ~ "What do you want me to bake?" 

DH ~ "Cookies."

Me ~ "What kind? Peanut butter or chocolate chip?"

DH ~ "Yes."

I think maybe its due to my new relaxed lifestyle, but I haven't craved *bakies in awhile. I guess my family is going through withdrawal though even if I'm not.

I'm amazed at how my food choices and portions are changing without me really having to stress over it. I'm very happy so far with how the Gabriel Method is working for me. I seem to be able to relax and that helps me focus on how I'm feeling. Is my stomach truly hungry or am I reaching for food for a different reason? The visualizations must really be helping me.

* Cookies have been renamed "bakies". A friend's son pointed out you don't cook cookies, you bake them. Therefore I will now always refer to cookies as bakies. :)

Day 4 - Revenge of the sinus cavities!

Sniff, sniff. Day 3. I suppose it could be worse. My immune system needs a little work out every now and then to stay sharp, right?

Mind Over Fatter

I have just finished watching Fat Head with the boys. A year or so ago we had watched Super Size Me. Fat Head is the counter to Super Size Me. After watching both films, I think both of these film makers received the dietary results they were expecting because this was what their MINDS had wanted. They both set out to make their films prove a certain point, and in both cases, they both succeeded.

If you haven't seen the film Fat Head, Tom Naughton eats nothing but fast food for a month and loses weight. In Super Size Me Morgan Spurlock gains it. Fat Head goes into detail on how we were lied to about eating saturated fats and how our diet of grains and sugars is what really is damaging our health.

I still believe - moderation in all things - but I also believe what we think about our food, effects it's result on us. How we eat, is perhaps more important than what we eat. If you believe something is bad for you, it will be. If you believe something is good, it will be.

I discussed with the boys the placebo effect. Patients given sugar pills were healed because they believed they were taking something that would have that desired effect. Our minds are very powerful.

I will not get sick. I will not get sick. I will not get sick. My immune system is strong. My immune system is strong. My immune system is strong.

Yumi, You Will Have To Move

I began installing our kitchen flooring this past weekend. Its been on the project list for quite a while, since last fall really. Its nothing fancy, but I like how it looks. I wanted something that looked like stone that would hide dirt.

I was so tired of trying to keep our original floor looking clean. Its 15 years old and white. Keeping it looking good was an impossible task. I've made my boys promise one day if they are blessed with a wife, make sure she doesn't have a white floor to try and keep clean.

It wasn't in our budget to rip up the old vinyl and use real stone. With this peel and stick vinyl tile from Armstrong, we don't have to remove the existing vinyl. I really like that. With some old vinyl it can be dangerous to remove it if its older. It could have asbestos. Our vinyl isn't that old, but I still like that it doesn't have to end up in a landfill.

Installation is going in pretty easy. The only problem I'm having, other than keeping cat fur off the floor, is I keep staring at the tiles and trying to figure out how best to position them. I need to let go and go for a random look, but I'm obsessing, worrying about patterns popping out with the stone look. I'm sure I'd be faster if I didn't stare at each tile for several minutes.

I'm going to finish up the corner and then DH will move the heavy furniture tonight so I can continue working my way across the kitchen. DH will then be able to help me cut and install the transition pieces between our living room and kitchen. It may be taking time, but we'll get there.

 

Monday's Mumbling Musings

On icy days like this, I'm glad we can stay warm and safe in the Sleepyhouse. Well, my hatch-lings did. I had to scrape off the car and slide to the library to return some things. 

I was rewarded though. I found the book Mini Farming Self Sufficiency On 1/4 Of An Acre by Brett Markham. I need to start thinking about seed starting soon.

Working with DH we made excellent purging progress around the computer desk and the table next to it. Visually it feels so good! I can't wait to install shelving above the computer desk area to ensure we can keep the desk clear of clutter.

Speaking of DH, I can now tell you the secret I've been keeping! Today is his first official day as a PERMANENT employee! No more contract work through the temp agency!!! Yeah!!! So today he is officially no longer UNEMPLOYED!!! YEAH!!!! I'm so happy for him. Its been 16 months since he was laid off. He's been working as a contract employee for 8 months, but we knew that arrangement could end before June.

He interviewed for the position on a Monday and was told they were going to interview other applicants for the next two weeks. Less than 24 hours later they offered him the position! So much for waiting 2 weeks!

DH thought he wasn't going to be offered the position because almost the entire current drafting department had applied as internal applicants. I knew he'd get it when they asked him during the interview, "How would you handle having to point out mistakes to the current drafters working below you?" They obviously were considering him even though he was an "outside" applicant. I knew he had the experience that would give him the advantage.

I'm hoping he can start to settle in and get comfortable once again. I think it still hasn't sunk in. They moved his work space to an official employee cubicle, but I think he's still operating with caution so to speak. I'll have to get used to him potentially working more than 40 hours a week, but at least at this job, he gets paid overtime! His previous employer did not and the contract temp agency wouldn't approve any overtime hours.

I can smell our baking bread rolls. I suppose I should go and check on them. That's another perk to being home on an icy day. I can bake and warm up the house!

Stay safe everyone!

Wisconsin shaved ice available! Today's flavor, car window!

Why Unschool?

http://whyunschool.info/?page=home
A wonderful site about unschooling written by two grown unschoolers.

I need to channel my domestic goddess today. Have a nice sleep computer. Dust bunnies you better start running.

What If We Represented Ourselves?

I have been so frustrated with government for so long now. Despite our right to vote, it rarely seems to be a representation of us. Government has actually taken the power from us and no longer represents our voice.

It seems ridiculous to me, in this day and age, that we vote to elect a representative into office and that person then makes all the decisions on our behalf. Well, they are suppose to make decisions based on OUR behalf, but of course their own agendas are what comes into play.

A person running for office will promise anything to get elected. Why don't we require them to draw up contracts and if they breach them, why can't we have them removed from office in a more easily fashion than impeachment or recall? This method would actually be too murky still.

I want a world in which we no longer have representatives, but rather we represent ourselves. In this information age, why can't we have more opportunities to vote on everyday issues? Can we set up a system where we are allowed to have our voices heard more frequently than every few years?

What if all bills must be considered for public vote? There's no more House or Senate, its just us. Couldn't we figure out a way to develop a system to allow all of us to more collectively figure out what is fair? Can't we find a secure way to use our computer technology to allow the general public access to a fair exchange of ideas? (Leave the media and lobbyists out of it!)

I'd love to be able to read bills and vote on them using my computer. If you think this would become too time consuming, maybe a person could choose to vote on only those bills pertaining to his interests? I'm sure some bills would get much more attention than others, but this would be okay.

Am I trying to micromanage my government? Maybe I am, but I do know our government is broke, as in not working and as in financially. We need to try something else.

Perhaps I'm also giving too much credit to the intelligence of our citizens. We've been dumbed down for so long now, is it too late for us to wake up and think for ourselves?

Have You Said Something Uplifting Today?

Lately in the Sleepyhouse we've been discussing the power of words. I came across a great article, click here,  that I really believe in.

Several months ago a dear friend pointed out to me how much damage I was doing to myself by labeling what I eat as "evil", "sinful", "bad" etc. I hadn't really thought about the effect I was bringing on until she called me on this.

Words are thoughts set free. Once spoken, no longer hidden, you cannot wrangle them back to your control.

My meditation has taught me thoughts are very powerful. Releasing those thoughts out in the form of words and actions is even more stronger because you've shared it with others.

If I say, "Brownies taste good, but are so bad for me," I am telling my body I am choosing to poison it. That statement damages my self esteem, enabling my body to damage itself. I may even reach for another brownie hoping somehow to find that which I lacked to receive from the first brownie. I could easily open up a binge cycle trying desperately to find satisfaction.

If I say, "Brownies taste good and I really enjoy eating one," I am giving my body permission to enjoy the brownie while staying positive. I'll have a better chance to feel satisfied with one brownie, and there's less of a chance I'll reach for #2.

Moderation is easy when you are in tune with your body and you're in a relaxed, positive state of mind. Think of how carefree children eat. They stop when they are full, and they do not obsess or worry over their food.

The power of a positive word applies to all things, not just eating. I can praise and uplift a person with my words and the motivation for that person to do the same is contagious.

Unfortunately, right now I'm exposed to more people using negativity. I'm trying to focus on the few others who are positive and uplifting. From the wonderful stranger yesterday who completely out of the blue said to me, "Howdy! Howdy! Have a great day," to the kind sandwich maker who always remembers how my son prefers his sandwich. These seemingly little things are really big deals to me.

I keep visualizing positive, supportive people coming into my life. It helps me feel safe. It helps me feel excited about embracing this life I've been given. It motivates me to continue forward. Its my key to becoming a more giving person. 

"Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier." ~ Mother Teresa

Happy Valentine's Day!

I made two types of brownies, Betty Crocker boxed and homemade using America's Test Kitchen's recipe. Which would you prefer?

Personally, DH & I love the homemade recipe better, but out of love I made the boys a boxed brownie as requested. The homemade recipe uses several different types of chocolate. They came out perfectly chewy, with intense chocolate flavor. I found myself satisfied with just eating one.

We celebrated yesterday, having lunch out together as a family and then taking a walk outside at the zoo. The weather is warming up this week and all the snow is melting. It was a wet, slushy walk, but the fresh air felt good. We saw a few zoo favorites, but others were still wintering elsewhere. In the indoor exhibits we couldn't get over how active the snakes were. Usually they just lay there. I guess our zoo does have real snakes.

Tonight I'm going to try and make us a heart healthy Valentine's supper. I'm thinking roasted chicken, broccoli and baked potatoes. DH & I had our date night last Friday going out for fish fry.

For the weekend purging mission, I went through our medicine storage. I guess we've been relatively healthy since I found so many unused, expired products. It felt good to clear these out, making room for tea mugs instead. Hopefully we'll get through the rest of winter remaining healthy.

The next purge project should be paper, but that never seems to end. I get too easily distracted picking up old magazines thinking I'm going to re-read articles. I've been much better going through newer magazines right away and then recycling them. I also try to get most of my magazines from the library so they can't sit around my house indefinitely. I'll get there. Its just more slow going.

Speaking of the library, I think I've killed enough time we can now head out and walk up to the library. It should open by the time we get there.

Have a great Valentine's Day!

I'm In Complete Zen Mode Dudes

I'm trying not to get excited about the possibility I may soon be buying a new kitchen trash can. A girl shouldn't count her chickens right?

There is a secret hidden in the above paragraph I can't yet reveal, but as I contemplate the possible changes coming my way, I'm discovering I'm challenging my old way of thinking. Count my chickens, I will indeed! I choose to live my life with the expectation those eggs WILL hatch. This is a new part to my new life.

Part of my healing process has required I address my fear of lack and loss. I'm not sure how or when that fear seed was planted. I grew up well cared for physically, but perhaps emotionally I wasn't?

Anyway, it doesn't matter how or when it happened. I can pull this fear weed from my garden and release it to my spiritual composter. I now am practicing abundance visualizations and truly seeing and FEELING how much I have.

I know to some, I must be sounding like a new age crazy girl these days, but I've tapped into something real and powerful. I feel so much potential is possible, I can't help but feel abundance is truly surrounding us, always.

I am very Chillaxed. :)

Pain now signals to me I'm healing. Pain went from meaning, something is wrong - HELP ME, to here is another thorn on a new branch that will lead to a beautiful bloom. Traveling the distance to the flower, across those thorns is something that happens regardless of my actions. Life is always changing, in motion fulfilling God's desire we are brought to abundance, peace and love.

The journey there really does make us stronger. I understand now those thorns keep predators from chewing away the branch, cutting off the blossom. Life's challenges serve us, propelling us forward if we chose to face and grow towards the unknown, rather than trying to head back to where we began.

I only wish I had more time each day to meditate. If I've had these revelations after only a few minutes of relaxing visualization every day or so, imagine the progress I could make if I had more time!

Patience Grasshopper - Think of all the off shooting branches I will create, all leading to blooming blessings, if I focus on growing and not measuring time.

I tried to enjoy a mini Snickers candy and it did not taste satisfying. I'm amazed and excited with how I'm changing my body with the power of my mind!

Deep Thoughts With Strawberries

Fierce strawberry cravings have taken me over. My body must want spring. I've been listening to Jon Gabriel's nightly meditation and every time he says, "You crave healthy, live foods," strawberries have been coming to my mind.

I know the visualization practice is really working for me in other ways as well. I had a dream I put on a WHITE swimsuit in a size that shouldn't have fit me but it did. WHITE!! Isn't that crazy?!

I think I'm going to create a vision board, although I'll think of another name for it. "Vision board" doesn't have the creative gusto juice I'm going for.

I'm also going to do more research on brain entrainment and binaural beat technology. I've tried a few samples I've found online, and I think Jon Gabriel's visualization recording uses it. I do know my mind feels more at peace and more awake yet relaxed after listening to this type of music.

Yesterday DS12 asked me a wonderful question. "Mom, how do you think artists find their inspiration?" These are the kinds of questions I love to answer, and make homeschooling so much fun! I love that he's thinking about how people think.

We shared a deep conversation about how emotions motivate people and what triggers different emotions in different people. We followed up with our own experiences and what we believe inspires us. Its so exciting to connect with my children this way and to be able to know and understand them so deeply. I feel so blessed to be able to unschool.

My strawberry smoothie has now happily traveled to where it will bring me health and happiness. Its time I get moving. Happy Wednesday!

Our 3 R's - not reading, (w)riting and (a)rithmetic, but rather, RESPONSIBLE, RESOURCEFUL and RESPECTFUL. Our GPA - not Grade Point Average, but rather GIVING POTENTIAL Average. I'm proud our lifestyle of learning has produced young men with integrity. They can read, write, compute and they know how to continue with something until it's mastered, but more importantly they have strong character qualities such as compassion, generosity and love.

I'm Really Good At Falling With Crock Pots

I didn't drop the crock pot or break any bones! I thought for sure there would be a hole in the wall, but apparently fate decided to scrape my elbow instead.

When I walk downstairs I have to look at the stair I'm stepping on next. I can't lift my head like a normal person and just know where the next step is. I seem to lose depth perception when going downstairs as well. This is one reason why downward escalators have always scared me. I have to stare at them for a few seconds, find the rhythm of that passing line break and then step. (Or I cling to my husband for dear life.)

When I was a little girl, I would cry if my mother tried to take me on the escalator.  Around the same time I went through another phobia phase of elevators. My poor parents couldn't shop at department stores without stress.

This morning my elbow scrape is feeling better. Last night it felt like a burn, constantly stinging. My hip feels a little sore, so I'm guessing I either hit that as well against the wall, or when I landed on my left foot, the impact shock threw my hip out a little. I'm grateful I only fell from the 3rd stair up. Why I thought I couldn't let go of the crock pot mystifies me.   

Ditching the boys and heading out for some retail therapy with Sista Cin.

Running On Fumes Today

A dark chocolate IV would be nice. Instead I'm trying to get rolling here with lots of Sleepytime tea. Ironic because last night I don't recall falling asleep. I only remember the thought of trying to fall asleep, and I have no recollection of dreaming. So why am I just now drinking Sleepytime when the sun has just risen?

I seem to be twisted up, reversed.

A Facebook friend of mine believes insomnia strikes her whenever there is something she needs to be doing but isn't getting around to. Thinking about my sleepless night, I think it had more to do with my decision not to take any pain meds for my shoulder.

I thought my shoulder was getting better. A friend showed me a soft tissue manipulation technique I could do and after her adjustment it did feel better. I taught the technique to DH and he gave me an adjustment before bed. Maybe it felt worse because it's now getting better? (Hope...Hope!) 

Or maybe I was REMless in the Sleepyhouse because I drank a quart of green tea yesterday? Isn't it written somewhere 5-6 cups of green tea day is beneficial? Of course I hadn't had that much green tea in awhile. I'm sure the caffeine was a jolt to my system.

I listened to my Jon Gabriel visualization download as the sun rose. I'm suppose to listen to it each NIGHT before I go to bed. When I finally gave up and resolved I wasn't going to fall asleep, even for a few early morning hours, I thought I might as well begin this day as relaxed as possible.

I enjoy his visualization mediation, but I'm thinking about creating my own. I think it would be even more effective if I used MY voice to record the guided relaxation/visualization. If I listen on my MP3 player to my actual voice, I'm sure it would resonate stronger with my subconscious. I'll have to see if we have a microphone and recording capabilities on our PC. Of course Jon's has this vibey background music. I don't know if we have any mixing software, but I think the cool music adds to the effect.

At my work they are starting a weight loss/healthy living competition. Its based on the book, The Game On Diet. I'm not sure I'm going to read the book. I read a review its full of profanity, although supposedly the "diet" advice is good. It could be fun to join up with others, but at this time, I really feel I want to continue working with the Gabriel method. I think taking a hard look within myself is healing me and bringing me toward a permanent change towards health and wellness.

Remember that creepy dad at the pool I told you about who always stares at my girls. Last night karma cracked me up. We were alone in the unusually quiet lobby. He let a big one rip. I don't think I will ever feel intimidated when he stares at my chest again. I will always remember his tooting and laugh hysterically inside to myself!!

Interestingly now in my visualization practice, I have begun to see myself in shape and healthy. Maybe I just had to give it time and practice, or maybe I'm accepting I don't have to be a victim?

Pain and discomfort have a different meaning in life for me now. They are tools I use to grow stronger. Life isn't happening TO me, but rather FOR me.

Wow, isn't it interesting how my brain will still fire when so sleep deprived? Or am I thinking so clearly because I'm running on fumes boosted by hot beverages? (I confess, I snuck a mug of cocoa in between Sleepytime hits.)

I think now that my insides are warmed along with my brain waves, I'll bundle up and head out into the world so it can pour sunshine on my face. Peace and blessings to you this fresh Friday!

We Survived Blizzard February 1 & 2, 2011

Yumi was not happy she couldn't watch her birdie friends, but at least the drifting kept stray Tom away from her window.

DH and I both stayed home from work. We actually had no choice. Local roads were closed due to drifting.

I don't know what our official inch total was, but it was the sustained 35 mph winds with gusts up to 70 that made it a brutal blizzard. All night long it was very noisy out there. We lost power a few times, but thankfully it went back on before we got too chilled without heat. We found pieces of the house being constructed next door in our yard, but thankfully our house appears to be intact.

Due to the storm, I ended up with two nights off. I don't want to think about the lower number on my future paycheck. It was nice to have the time off to heal up my thrown out shoulder. It still hurts when I take a deep breath, but at least I can find a comfortable position to sit or lay in now. I've been trying to stretch it out and drink more fluids to help with the inflammation. 

The boys enjoyed having friends over due to schools being closed. It seems hard to believe its also time to see the homeschool posse, but tomorrow is Thursday already. These past two days seem to have flow by despite us being snowed in.

When I was feeling up to it, I studied more of the Gabriel Method. I'm having trouble visualizing my ideal body. I can't think of a time in my life when I didn't feel fat.

I know in high school I had a regular woman's body, but compared to my not yet "developed" friends, I always felt fat. DH says I should use a photograph of myself during that time, but mentally my high school body wasn't something I was comfortable with then, so why would it work for me now? I've thought about using magazine photos and plastering my face on them, but I don't like that idea. I'm just going to have to dig deeper and find out why I can't see myself as a thin, healthy person. 

I think it does have something to do with not wanting to be a sex object. If you're laughing, that's okay. :) It makes me laugh too, but I know on another level, there's truth to this.  Last night I had a dream where I was groped by some jerk. I think on a subconscious level I see thin as sexy and sexy as not safe.

There's a creepy dad at the pool who constantly stares at my chest making me feel uncomfortable. I think I need to empower myself to not feel so threatened by the attention of men. I think it goes way back to age 12. Those bra snapping middle school boys traumatized me! LOL!

I certainly want to feel sexy for DH, but how do I accomplish this without the concern I'm soliciting unwanted attention from other men? I'll have to work on this while practicing my visualization sessions.

Well, that's probably TMI for all of you, but my blog is my journal and how I work stuff out in my head. Read at your own risk. :) 

The birds are in a feeding frenzy at the feeder. They must somehow know the storm is on the way in.

Ready For The Blizzard & Organizing

I hit up the Pig to round out the fridge and pantry supplies, and I grabbed every available copy of Mother Earth News our small library had on hand. I'm now officially ready to ride out this 3 day snow event. I can plan my garden while watching the white out.

It sounds like the pool will close, but even if it doesn't my wonderful boss said she'd cover for me so I don't have to worry about driving through the blizzard conditions. That's such a huge relief to me. I can actually tolerate winter pretty well, its the driving in it that stresses me out.

We spent this past weekend in the nest, purging and fixing up the larger storage area of our basement. I would have taken a before photo, but I feared we'd be contacted by the producer of Hoarders.

We bought two steel wire shelf racks from Target and with each paycheck, I'm going back for another one until our basement storage area is wall to wall racks. These units came together very quickly without tools and each shelf holds 350 pounds.

The first rack we built is holding appliances and other kitchen items that don't get used on a regular basis. It looks like something you'd see in a professional kitchen! The second rack is being used for DH's old stereo and computer equipment until he figures out what he wants to do with it.

Our future plans include a unit for seasonal decorations, and old toys the boys don't want to part with just yet. We also have a cookie jar collection from our B.C.,(before children), days that we'd like to organize. We're hoping we can rotate out the jars for displaying, rather than always keeping them in their storage boxes like we're doing now.

We still have quite a bit of purging and organizing to do, but it feels great to be started on it. We may even have room to set up a table on which I could work on projects.

We've made two runs to Goodwill with trunk fulls of cast offs. I'm sure they'll be plenty more in the next several weeks. Its getting easier to pitch rather than keep as we begin to see everything organized on the shelving units.

The only downside to all this cleaning has been I've tweaked something with my shoulder and back. I'm not sure what I lifted that did it, but I've got this strange pain the front of my chest and in the back on my shoulder blade. I'm thinking it all has to do with my shoulder being strained somehow. It feels like something a chiropractor could "pop" back in, but I don't have chiropractor funds right now. I'll keep hugging my rice pack and hope it gets better quickly.

Chocolate Chip Cookies- America's Test Kitchen recipe

Description:
This is by far, the best chocolate chip cookie I have ever eaten. Perfect consistency and the best flavor I've experienced in a chocolate chip cookie recipe, this technique developed by ATK really is the best.

The only changes I made were to form the cookies smaller, (working on my portion control these days), I used dark chocolate chips rather than the typical semi-sweet, and I added 1 1/3 cup of chips rather than the 1 1/4 cup. I didn't use any nuts either. The ATK original recipe wants you to divide the dough into 16 cookies, but those most be huge.

Ingredients:
1 3/4 flour
1/2 t baking soda
14 T of unsalted butter, (1 3/4 sticks)
1/2 C sugar
3/4 C dark brown sugar
1 t salt
2 t vanilla
1 L egg
1 L egg yolk
1 1/3 C of dark chocolate chips

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375

Over medium-high heat, melt 10 T of butter, about 2 minutes. Cook the butter another 1-3 minutes, stirring, until the butter develops a light brown color.

Add the melted butter to your metal mixing bowl and stir in the remaining 4 T of butter. Stir until its all melted.

Add the sugars, salt and vanilla and whisk until mixed.

Add the eggs and mix for 30 seconds.

Allow the mixture to rest for 3 minutes, then whisk again for 30 seconds. Repeat this process 2 more times.

Mix the flour and baking soda in a small bowl.

Add the flour mixture and chips into the butter, sugar, egg mixture and mix just until combined.

Use a cookie scoop or spoon to form small balls, about a tablespoon big. Bake 2 inches apart for 9-11 minutes.

Yes, I'm Mental Today

I'm making progress because the more I push through, the more I feel the push back.

I've been focusing on releasing fears and stress, trying to calm my mind. I'll reach a peaceful state only to have a flood of fear and tension return. I'm choosing to believe that as I get stronger, my mind knows I can take more on.

I recognize now the increased feelings of fear and stress are really nothing to FEAR and be STRESSED about. They only make me stronger because as they scream back at me, I have the opportunity to once again leave them behind. They may scream louder, but I grow stronger having had all of this practice at acknowledging them and releasing them. Eventually all of this negative energy will burn itself out because I've turned up the heat!

I know there are changes happening in my body as well. The foods I crave, the portions I eat, its all changing without me having to really worry about it. I understand now how worrying about what I ate, only added to the giant stress ball, rolling me away from my goals. Its interesting how actions I thought would help me were really trapping me. 

I had very strange rage dreams. I was surrounded by mess and clutter, and I just kept screaming my head off, incoherently. I woke up thinking, whoa! Where did that come from? My subconscious knows I'm now reaching for order and peace. I expect it now to work with me rather than against me. It pitched a temper tantrum but that's over now. It's time to partner up and make this work!

Love In Every Sip, Weekend Fun

Do you like my new tea bowl, I mean tea mug? DH insisted on buying it for me because he said it was made for me. I love the color, and I love drinking tea. Its great to brew two cups at once, and I'm sure it will make a wonderful ice cream, I mean, cereal bowl as well. Its making a great hand warmer too, since it takes both of mine to hold it.

Sunday Bloody Sunday, poor DS soon to be 12 had several flash flood nose bleeds. I think the sight of all the blood made him feel ill the rest of the day and night. He said it looked like a crime scene and in truth it did. I tried to clean everything up as best I could, but I'm sure if Dexter Morgan shows up with his blood spill kit, I'm busted. It can be very scary seeing blood gush out of you like that. I assured him he wasn't going to die and we just kept applying pressure. The bleeds would stop but an hour or so later another tsunami would surprise us. So far this morning, he seems to be doing okay except for a little bit of a sore throat.

In between nose bleeds, we remarkably all enjoyed lunch at Red Lobster in honor of DS soon to be 12. He ate his fill of cheddar biscuits. I told the waiter to skip the birthday sundae and just bring DS his own basket of biscuits.

There was a family party sitting near us celebrating their patriarch's milestone. He didn't get a sundae either but rather a large glass of chocolate milk! :) I don't know how old the gentleman was, but as I watched him, I hoped my son would some day be that blessed to be sitting in Red Lobster surrounded by his great grandchildren. 

Pesto Cavatappi - My version of Noodles and Company's

Description:
I love the Pesto Cavatappi at Noodles, and for awhile now, I've thought it couldn't be that difficult of a recipe to replicate at home and save a few bucks. I did a bit of research, and decided to try and make a version with a little less calories than the Noodles version.

I thought this came out wonderful. It wasn't as green as the dish is at the restaurant, but it still tastes delicious. Noodles must add tons of pesto to their mushroom sauce to make theirs that green. I saw the calorie count on the side of the pesto jar and couldn't bring myself to use more than a spoonful. I replaced non-fat yogurt for the traditional heavy cream, although the next time I make this, I may try using non-fat cream cheese.

Ingredients:
1 1/2 C cavatappi noodles
1 T olive oil or just enough to coat the bottom of your skillet
1 T Smart Balance spread or use butter
1 1/2 C sliced mushrooms
2 T white wine
2 T non fat plain yogurt
2 T pesto
1 large or 2 smaller Roma tomatoes, sliced
3 cloves of garlic, mashed and diced

Garnish with grated Parmesan cheese

Directions:
Cook your cavatappi noodles according to the packaged directions to al dente

Lightly coat the bottom of your skillet with olive oil and melt the Smart Balance or butter. Add the mushrooms to your skillet and saute. Once the mushrooms are tender, stir in the splash of wine, yogurt, pesto, tomatoes and garlic. Lastly add your cooked cavatappi and stir/toss to coat. Heat until the pasta is once again hot. Sprinkle Parmesan on top if desired.

Its wrap yourself up like a burrito day.

Thoughts For Thursday 1/20/11

The death cold is coming. Remind me again why -20 below is necessary for the environment?

I threw in extra onions and loads of garlic in today's batch of black bean tomato stoup. I'm surrounded by people eager to share their viruses. My immune system needs all the help it can get.

I'm becoming more aware of people's energy, or to be more precise, people's negative energy. They aren't helping me reach that "Chillax" state of being I hope to achieve this new year. Guess I need to learn how to deflect their negative vibes.

Last night my heart was breaking for a little Chinese girl at the pool. Her father was telling me she said she wanted to be a cleaner when she grew up. He was really concerned about this. I said, "Hey, she'll always have job security and as long as she's happy, right?" He protested replying his daughter would not clean for a living.

The little girl then chimed in with a smile on her face, "I want to be a preschool teacher!"

I said to her, "That sounds like fun!"

Dad replied, "NO! If you want to be a teacher, you can teach college students." 

I swear, some people don't get it. Allow your children to follow their dreams.

I recently read although Chinese students excel in math and science, they lack creativity because at a very young age, they are pushed academically.

My state is actually trying to offer 4 year old kindergarten and people are lining up to get their 4 year olds in the door. Another lawmaker is trying to pull the plug on 4 year old kindergarten. Frankly, my state doesn't have the money, plus, why the rush to pull young children away from their families? So many parents think this will give their children an academic advantage and save them daycare dollars. As a homeschooling parent, I will tell you my children learned more at home, with a very low teacher- student ratio, and a loving, safe environment.

I better get off my soapbox and get moving. 

8 a day - REALLY? 8 A DAY?? I've had a tough enough time trying to get 5 in. I do enjoy fruit and veggies though. I guess I will just have to be more creative and add a few more to breakfast and snacks. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/heart-health-fruits-veggies-life-saving/story?id=12639620

What We've Been Up To...

I haven't been ignoring you. I've just been distracted by the following.

America's Test Kitchen - I can't believe this has been in existence for over a decade, and I'm just now discovering it. I need to make a point to watch more public television. I knew about the magazine Cook's Country, but I wasn't familiar with the entire franchise. I love how the recipes are tested over and over until they've worked out the best method.They explain the science behind the recipe, and they also have great kitchen product reviews. Its sort of like Alton Brown's Good Eats and Consumer Reports only done much better. Here's the link to America's Test Kitchen, but I feel like everyone already knows about this brilliant show except me because apparently I've been living under a rock.

Our other TV fascination lately has been Forensic Files. DS11 is especially into it. Its a 30 minute documentary style show featuring real life crimes solved through the science of forensics. I asked DS11 if he's thinking about becoming a forensic scientist, but he's still says he wants to be a police officer.

We're getting ready to celebrate DS11's turn to DS12 in a few days. I can't believe my baby is 12. 12!!!! We'll celebrate early this weekend, since both DH and I will have to work on his actual birthday. He wants to go to Red Lobster and eat a basket full of cheddar baked biscuits. He doesn't want the birthday sundae, just bring him his own basket of cheddar baked biscuits with a side of ranch sauce to dip into. LOL!

I'm reading the book The Gabriel Method by Jon Gabriel. The book is making me think about weight loss in an entirely different way. Jon used to weigh over 400 pounds but lost over 200 pounds once he figured out his "fat switch" was turned on. The book is revealing to me how stress and my fears of scarcity have triggered my body to want to stay fat for survival. I am trapped by an emotional obesity and the next few weeks, I'm really going to start to explore why I've done this, and how I will break free and turn off my "fat switch."  I know what I should eat, yet I starve my body from the nutrition it needs. I need to completely change my mindset away from fear and worry, and focus on the abundance around me and my ability to reach a life I've dreamed of living. I'm excited to take this journey!

Friday Five 1/14/11

"Since this is National Thank You month, and so many times little things, like how much we appreciate people can go by and we just don't get them said.  Let's take today and thank at least 5 of those people.  And then once you are done here, maybe spread some of that around to others as well!?  Everyone would love to hear a thank you, an I appreciate you, an I love you...just because we think they know that...it still doesn't hurt to hear it!" ~ Friday Five Group Prompt

1. I'm grateful I found my heavenly Father, not in the church, but in my heart. I'm grateful He led me away from the misinterpretations of others, and He helped me understand the truth about his love.

2. I'm grateful to my husband, my best friend, my soul one. I know we have something rare, and I cherish it. I can't imagine my life without him.

3. I'm grateful to my sons. They are a gift. They have taught me more about love than I thought possible and have made me a better person by allowing me to become a parent.

4. I'm grateful to have extended family. Good times and bad, they helped shape me, and when needed most, I do believe they will be there for me.

5. I'm grateful for all of my friends. I can wrap my arms around some of them, and some I can't,  but they all count and are dear to me. 

The Power Of Choice

"Children learn how to make good decisions by making decisions, not by following directions." - Alfie Kohn.

This is another reason why unschooling works so well. When you don't interrupt a child's natural curiosity and you help facilitate their right to choose, they will develop great decision making skills.

I am a horrible decision maker because I'm afraid of failure. I was raised in public school. Follow these directions and do it this way. Memorize these answers and I'll give you a test. You better score highly on the test if you want to please us. I will probably be forever deschooling myself, learning to trust myself.

I'm grateful my children are growing up differently. Within the boundaries of safety, they are given complete freedom to decide. Except for our expectations of love and respect they are free to fail or succeed. I know they learn from both outcomes, perhaps even more from failure.

They carve their own paths, using inspiration from the world around them, but always deciding for themselves the steps, the pace, the direction.

Cool! I just discovered I was marinating the laundry. I guess this is what happens when you wake up at 3:30am and can't fall back to sleep. I need a self closing lid on the washing machine.

Where Did This Come From?

DS11, soon to be DS12, just asked me what it was like to be a parent. He's sitting over there, gaming away, while I'm checking up on all of your Facebook updates, and he casually drops that one on me.

This is a push the chair away from the computer moment.

I'm back now. I told him the answer to this question could not easily be summed up with just a few sentences, but I did my best.

I told him being a parent is a gift. It changes your life in ways you can't imagine. Your life becomes secondary to the life of your child. There is nothing you wouldn't do for your child to make sure they are loved, safe and provided for. You learn more about love than you ever thought possible. You begin to really understand unconditional love from the direction of being the giver not the receiver.

Then I knew I had to hit pause before I began to lose his interest. :)

I asked him why he had asked me this question and he said he didn't know. He said he was just curious.

I love being home and available for when questions like these come up. You can't predict when your children are going to ask what they do most of the time. Homeschooling has really given us the opportunity to get to know each other in a more natural way.

Recycling Trees and Love

I couldn't part with recycling the Christmas tree yet so we moved it to the back deck for the birds. I'm hoping they choose to seek shelter in it, but so far I think they are  wondering how a tree popped up over night. There is a Mourning Dove content with perching near the bird feeder, but no feathered friends have tried landing on the tree yet.

If we don't get the tree to the curb for our village recycling, we'll just do it ourselves later. The yard waste area is just a block down from us, but then again, I could recycle this tree in our own compost as well.

My friend's funeral was okay, but its always difficult for me to attend a church that preaches a different understanding of the bible than I have. I appreciated the kind words spoken by her husband and the fact my family could be with me during this difficult task. I know its a good thing for my boys to see different cultures and different religions. I know my friend's faith gave her great strength and for that I'm grateful. I do still wish she would have had a better understanding of my faith, because it would have relieved the fears she had for her own children. I found it very uncomfortable to hear her preacher question my friend's children's beliefs at their mother's funeral. I don't know how comforting that was for them, if at all.

I had such vivid dreams last night, loaded with extreme detail. Part of my dreams involved my deceased cat. I kept trying to find her. I'm sure the next several weeks I'll be dealing with how to cope with loss.

Maybe I will find ways to "recycle" rather than give up those feelings. During my friend's service someone spoke about her feelings of regret for not sharing more time with Judy. Instantly I thought to myself there was no need for this. Judy would want us to continue loving others and in doing so, it erases all regrets. She did so much and touched the lives of so many. I know rather than regret, it would be better to find ways to reach out to others and continue Judy's spirit of giving. This is how I plan to work through this. Recycling the love Judy gave me.

Chocolate Will Not Solve This

The brownies are ready!

I made them because I thought baking and chocolate would cheer me up. I haven't eaten any yet, because I'm realizing, I'm feeling sad due to the loss of my friend. I plan on attending her wake tonight and her funeral tomorrow. I'm hoping my family and friends enjoy the brownies, but I know how I'm feeling can't be fixed by eating a brownie myself. I came close, but this time, I know its not going to help me feel better.

After Judy's passing, I've been thinking about cancer more than ever. My friend did not want to die and leave her family, and I know I'd feel exactly the same. My friend fought very hard for every last minute. Cancer scares me because it seems like everyone is getting one form of it or another.

I know this next statement has probably run through my head thousands of times, but with Judy's passing the volume and understanding of it is slapping me in the face. The best way to fight cancer is to never get it in the first place by eating healthy and exercising. Of course given our environment, it may be impossible to avoid all toxins, but I'm still shaken to my core regarding how prevention is perhaps the only way around this disease.

So I'm left wondering, am I doing enough to ensure I will be healthy and available not only for my own needs, but also that I may continue to share my life with and look after my family? 

I'm going to cry rather than eat a brownie. I'm going to cry it out, and then pray for comfort. Next I'll lace up my boots and walk. I'm going to take it one step at a time, constantly seeking ways to improve my life through healthy choices.

Now please help me eat these brownies, because I don't know if my strength and resolve will last.

Crying Tomten

NO! PLEASE DON'T PUT US AWAY IN THIS PLASTIC PRISON!

On second thought, keep us away from this naughty feline.

Friday Five 1/7/11

"Good morning all of you FF'ers! Let's start the New Year off with thinking of others!

January is National Blood Donation Month so why don't you tell us 5 things that you donate for the help of others.  Now this doesn't have to be something huge...if you are a grandparent and you babysit for your grandchildren while their parents work...in these hard economic times that is a HUGE help for parents trying to make ends meet!  A friend of mine is doing a Pay-it-forward for her New Years resolution...so it just got me thinking...what can I do this year to help more people. Give us your giving ways and lets all start this year out with our hearts!  If you are someone who has new ideas for this coming year, tell us your 5 resolutions to give in the New Year...or if you are someone who (as I had been in the past while raising 3 kids) maybe this 5 can allow you to stop and think of ways you can start this year as a giving year...just let us know your thoughts!"

http://fridayfivegroup.multiply.com/

Here's my 5.

1. I'll start with the easiest donation and probably the best, my prayers. Prayer is also the perfect donation for when you don't have anything else to give or when you feel helpless. It can be done on the spot, where ever you are, and can take just a few moments of heartfelt thought.

2. Goodwill - This donation really is doing me a favor. I feel so much better after purging away clutter. I also appreciate how the Goodwill organization near me is trying to train people for jobs, something in our area that is very difficult to come by.

3. I'm a Bell Ringer for the Salvation Army. I do this in memory of my immigrant grandparents who were helped out by this organization when they first came to this country and when they struggled through the depression. Its also fun and helps get me in the Christmas spirit of giving being witness to so many people dropping money into the buckets.

4. I help both "light the tree" and "light the night" in an effort to stop cancer. Unfortunately, next Christmas I'll have more white lights on our community's memory tree, having lost more friends and family to this evil disease.

5. I feed the neighborhood posse and provide a safe place for them to hang out, away from drugs and alcohol. All through the years, we've opened up our home to the boys' friends, letting them know they are always welcome. Our Game Cave is a neighborhood favorite, plus I benefit from getting to know the friends of my children.

And here are 5 more I want to start in 2011!

1. Meals on Wheels
2. Our local Care Closet - its both a second hand goods store and a food pantry for our village
3. Child abuse prevention
4. Restoring our parks and creating walking paths
5. My neighbors - I know my neighbor across the street, having just lost his wife, will need more TLC visits and I'd love to bake up a little more friendship for all of my neighbors.

Fess up! Who turned up the gravitational pull today!!

Embracing chillax mode today. I will not worry about the future. I will not worry about the future. I will not worry about...

On my autodidact agenda today, playing around with Japanese & Mayan multiplication, microgreens and researching work at home careers.

I'm 2 for 2 so far in 2011! Two great days spent in my nest, doing what I enjoy with people I love.

Thoughts On New Year's Day 2011

I've spent most of New Year's Day, before watching the depressing Rose Bowl game, watching old videos of my children. Now I'm feeling sad because those little guys are gone, never to return. I am proud of the young men they have become, but recalling those early days causes me to mourn the end of their childhoods. Where has the time gone and how did we get here?

We spent New Year's Eve at home, enjoying Canadian Walleye. I'm blessed to have a husband who loves to cook fish. It was so tasty, I'm thinking we need a bigger freezer and a vacation home on a lake in Canada. It's probably too cold and the growing season too short for me to really be able to live up there, but those cold waters make some tasty eating fish! G-Ma brought over steaks to go with our supper, making it a surf and turf night.

We watched ridiculous TV midnight countdowns until midnight. Is it just me, or do these shows get worse every year?

The menfolk stayed up for midnight gaming, but I was ready to pass out by 1:00am. I did get up early and work from home, so this is probably why I was such a lightweight. 

I've really enjoyed working from home these past two weeks. I wish I knew a way to make this a permanent situation. I can get so much done without the interruptions at the pool. I love not having to drive too! I guess it will feel good to get back to the routine and to see the many friendly faces at work. I've been having trouble trying to figure out what day of the week its been lately.

I'm still getting used to my medication. I feel good most of the day, but always around 3:00-4:00pm, I start to feel lightheaded and my stomach feels iffy. It's not quite nausea, but it's borderline. After supper, I usually feel better. I'm wondering if this medication is doing something to my blood sugar levels. My blood pressure readings have all been in the safe zone though, so that is good. I'm going to make some adjustments to my eating schedule, and see if that helps.

I'm off now, to kick back and relax. I feel like doing some old fashioned writing. The kind where there isn't a glowing rectangle staring you in the face. I need to feel the pen across the paper.

Have a Happy New Year!