Thoughts On Parenting

I've been witness to too many instances of improper parenting lately. It floors me how some "grown ups" abuse the emotional trust of their children.

I know I've made mistakes, but overall, I try to give my children love and guidance without judgment. I've also been able to raise respectable, young gentlemen without having to hit them or yell at them, except for that one day my voice reached an unimaginable decibel level as I saw my son about to be squashed flat by an oncoming car. Fear and danger will bring out Mama Lion's roar. Needless to say, they never again tried to lay on their skateboards and street luge.

I've had a learning curve. With the first born, we did the "time out" technique, but soon discovered being a first born, he had a natural desire to please us. To this day I still have to watch my powers of guilt, so instilled in me from my parents.

My second born, thankfully, was given to me with a strong will. The very few times we tried "time out" with him didn't work. After much prayer I figured out what he needed was for me to trust him with responsibility. Getting into mischief was only a sign he needed a project he could take ownership of and develop his self esteem. His transformation from terrible two taught me so much about respect and what I should expect from my children.

I learned how to really think about what their needs were. Hungry, thirsty, tired, sick, lonely, these can all bring out the worse in someone. When I could stay in tune with their needs, harmony was easy. I don't know that I could have achieved this without being a hands on parent.

I had to respect and honor the person they were born to be, not the person I thought they should become. The only way I could teach them how to love and respect others was if I modeled that myself. I couldn't beat, yell, or shame that into them without being a complete hypocrite.

Now that the boys are in or approaching their teens, I'm realizing how wonderful the payoff is. Honestly, there has not been one temper tantrum in our house for over a decade. I'm finding my boys are not moody or temperamental. There is no teen rebellion. We aren't even seeing any sibling rivalry.

Maybe this is because we've always respected them and given them the freedom they needed. They've demonstrated to us how they are more than capable of making wise decisions when it comes to honoring and respecting others.

I can remember how my relationship with my parents had to reach a breaking point before they began to treat me as an adult. Its unfortunate we had to say hurtful words to each other through this process. We have a wonderful relationship now. Love and forgiveness really do bring healing.

I'm sure one day, more of my parenting faults will surface, but overall I know we've built a strong family, who will always be there for one another. I'm very grateful we've found our way here, perhaps because we chose an uncommon path.