Write For 5 Minutes About Something That Stresses You

I participate in Me, You, Health's daily challenge and today's challenge was to write for 5 minutes about something that stresses you. I thought I'd write in here.

Trigeminal Neuralgia stresses me out.

Trigeminal Neuralgia is known to be one of the most painful conditions to man. Doctors refer to it unofficially as suicide disease because so many people with TN take their lives because the pain is too great to bare.

Your trigeminal nerve comes down your face, with branches spreading out over your forehead, cheek and jawline. In my case, it has attacked the left side of my face.

At its worst, I've been curled up in the fetal position, with the pain level at 9 out of 10. Episodes last anywhere from 20-60 minutes and the frequency of attacks for me varies. The worse series I had was two 40 minute, level 8 attacks within 15 minutes of one another.

When I'm having an attack of that intensity, I can't function. When I can't function it stresses me out. I have high expectations for myself to meet up and exceed my responsibilities. My family, my job, not being able to serve to the best of my capabilities really brings me down.

In addition to being depressed about not being able to function, I walk around in a constant state of anxiety. I never know when the next attack will happen. Will I be home and be able to lay down? Will I be at work and have no choice but to literally grin and bare it while trying to help customers? Once I had an attack while driving. I should have pulled over, but I was stressed about making it to work on time. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

I worry about the fact medications only work for a certain length of time. Your body develops a tolerance you see, and eventually, you end up having to take such a high dose of anti-seizure medication you lose muscle function and coordination. I don't want to become a zombie. Zombies don't function too well either, so either way, its lose for me.

Surgery scares me too. The variety of procedures are destructive, and there is always a risk of further complications. Many patients of TN who have had surgery report the pain relief is only temporary and comes back.

I worry about not being able to continue working. My part time income really helps us make ends meet every month.

I stress over making future plans because I don't know how I will be feeling.

I stress over being downer Dawn. No one wants to be around someone depressed and stressed out all the time.

I stress over how this is effecting my family. They have needs of their own. I don't want to diminish the quality of their lives, as the quality of mine slips away.

When I'm having an episode, and the pain overwhelms, it is very easy to understand why no one wants to go through life this way. I wouldn't wish this pain on my enemy. When I'm in that dark moment, it feels like this is too great a burden to carry for a lifetime.

I have to remind myself to be grateful. I have to fight and lift myself up whenever I can, remembering those dark moments are always followed by love and light.

I'm grateful my TN was diagnosed before I needlessly had dental work. Many unfortunate people with TN go through multiple root canals and tooth extractions only to discover the pain is still there.

I'm grateful my small town doctor knew of it and knew to prescribe a certain medication.

I'm grateful Tegretol for now, is bringing me some relief.

I'm grateful this has happened while we have decent health insurance.

I'm grateful to have the support of my husband, family and friends. I really do feel uplifted by their prayers and positive thoughts. I take all that healing energy and move forward as much as I can in between dark times. I know with all that help, I will be able to continue.

I'm grateful for my heavenly Father. In my darkest moments, when I can't feel the love and support of my family & friends, I can still feel God's presence. His love never fails. In the throws of pain, I give each moment of suffering to him and he tells me I will never have to suffer that moment again. It is gone and I'm continually moving forward. Moment by moment, I give them away, never to be suffered again. Before I know it, I'm out of the pain tunnel and back into the light and joy.

So that's my 5 minutes of writing, well maybe a little more, about what is stressing me out lately.