Rocking My Awesome

I've been spending my last days as a 43 year old superstar with as much awesome as I can muster up. I chopped off 5 inches of my hair. This was drastic for me. I had not cut my hair since November 28, 2011. The hairdresser finished cutting, and I found myself without any hesitation asking her to cut more, go shorter. I normally feel awkward having my hair cut. I had felt spending the money on myself was inconsiderate. Something has changed in me. Cutting my hair and doing something just for me felt right.

Yesterday I took the boys out for lunch and then for a swim. It was such a pleasure having both of my sons wanting to join in. We haven't been swimming together in a long while. My usually hesitant son had such a great time, he suggested we make this a Friday ritual, enjoying a swim together. Sounds like a great idea to me!

After our swim they agreed to go NOT BACK TO SCHOOL shopping. We found new jeans for only $12 a pair at JCPenneys. It was a treat, being able to actually shop for clothes with my teenaged sons. I wish it would have lasted longer.

I made homemade pizza and homemade cinnamon rolls Friday evening. It's been so long since I've felt well enough to bake, I truly enjoyed it. It wasn't a chore at all. Being in the kitchen again has motivated me to clean it up and re-organize it. I have missed having this productive outlet.

Today I did something completely unexpected. My family had told me about this huge spider, hanging out just over a doorway. The spider's body was about the size of a quarter with long, 2 inch legs creepily clinging to the wall. Normally I would make my husband use a container to capture the freaky thing and set it free outside. (We only crunch and crush if left no other choice.) Without thinking too much about it, I grabbed the container and made the spider jump in. It ran quickly up the side of the container, but I managed to get the lid on instead of dropping it and running for safety.

I have more courage these days, or maybe I'm becoming more impulsive? Either way, I know I'm changing. I don't want to be afraid and live in fear. I'm eager to find joy, even in small things. I've sat outside, inches away from the humming bird feeder and as the little birds come to drink, I feel life is good. I have a painful affliction, but life is beautiful. Sitting within inches of a tiny creature I find miraculous, I believe miracles are being given to me everyday. Life is awesome. I feel awesome. There is a pain in my face, but there's too much fun in this world to allow this pain to define me.