Not Feeling Very Positive At The Moment

Not Feeling Very Positive At The Moment

dawninger

August 28th, 20:49

Current Mood:

exhausted

I keep re-reading the last paragraph of my last post, trying to get that vibe back into my soul. I'm not feeling upbeat and positive today. I'm starting to wonder if feeling a little down, for a short while, is actually okay. Maybe I'm like a spring that needs to be pushed down before jumping up higher?

Maybe I'm sleep deprived? Too nervous to sleep before the doctor appointments last night, and then I was robbed of a few more precious hours this morning. DH locked himself out and when I didn't hear the doorbell, he pounded on our bedroom window at 5:30am. I was having a stressful dream, (evil parents trying to control their children), and the pounding only made my heart race faster. There was no going back to sleep after that.

Being able to work from home this week, I decided to start today at 5:30am since I was already up. The house was really quiet and my work did not distract me from noticing every little nerve attack in my face. I worked over 8 hours, noticing just how often I was getting attacks. I'm grateful they were low level attacks, and I could work right through them, but their frequency depressed me. I tried putting on music, but I still found myself making a mental connection to every attack.

It has to be because I'm sleep deprived and this has me feeling low. If I were more rested, I bet I could distract my attention from these mini TN attacks.

I keep seeing the neurologist's face when I told him I didn't want to only treat my TN symtoms, I intend to heal my nerves and be cured. He looked at me like I was a fool. At the time, I felt deviant. This guy's a moron, I told myself. I will heal my nerves and be cured!

I do think I need to find a new neurologist who I click better with and who is willing to be on my team positive!

I need to sleep tonight too.

And not dream about parents in an evil cult. I'm currently too busy trying to be my own superhero.