44 And Fearless

Here's a photo of me with the new haircut as promised. I had let 8 months go by without getting a trim. I'm vowing not to let that happen again, and I won't be afraid of hairdressers who cut too much off. I had decided it was time I do something for myself, and my new motto is to be 44 and fearless.

My family gave me a wonderful birthday last weekend. They made a card which was hilarious, gave me thoughtful gifts and fed me tasty food.

We have a tradition in our family to make homemade cards for one another. It started when we decided store bought cards lacked creativity and humor and just weren't worth the cost of $3-$4. My card this year was a Facts Of Life card, complete with photos of Blair and Natalie. It cracked me up.

My family picked out a beautiful cermanic lantern for me. I have a lantern collection, and now I need to figure out how to best hang them. I also received beautiful, sparkling crystal rings from each of my sons.

I began my new year feeling pretty good, but my motto was tested Tuesday when unexpectedly, trigeminal neuralgia slammed me across the face with its electrified baseball bat. I hadn't experienced an attack at that pain level in several weeks. I was back in bed, curled up, praying it would stop in time for me to drive to work. Thankfully it did, but I've had aftershocks, and I'm back on pain meds.

When I'm in the throws of pain, unable to function, its easy to become overwhelmed with fear. The challenge is becoming not so much how do I make this pain go away- the reality is it won't. The real challenge is how do I relax and not tense up in fear.

I do believe being afraid of the pain, makes it worse. Doctors are studying this as the nocebo effect, when a patient is told of side effects of drugs, or that a procedure will be painful, it does cause the patient to experience those side effects or feel increased pain. I believe fearing my pain, makes it worse, so I'm going to try to relax more and not be afraid.

I'm adding meditation and relaxation to my treatment plan. I did so before going to sleep last night, and I slept almost 11 hours without pain medication!! No surprise my TN is feeling much better today.

Fearless and 44, that is me. Yes, I will be tested, but I know what it is I need to do to make the fear disappear.