Sleepless In The Sleepyhouse

My brain is experiencing a chemical crazy. Migraine on the right side, I'm actually thinking if I put my head through the wall it would feel better. Don't worry. I won't. I'll let my diarrhea of thoughts flow out and onto this fabulous white, electronic glow staring back at me.

I think I'm experiencing a hormonal shift due to the lack of sunlight. I think you call it "SAD" - seasonal affective disorder. I'm going to make an appointment to check my vitamin D levels. Its been so gray and dark, this has to be what's going on with me. Rationally I can't justify feeling depressed.

Although tonight, its not depression that's keeping me up, its anxiety. Again, rationally, I have nothing to feel anxious about, so this must be a chemical imbalance in my noggin.

I'm sipping Sleepytime, wrapped up in a giant hoodie and that is helping. Trying desperately to stay away from the kitchen area where chocolate is kept. I think I'd try eating cocoa powder straight if I go near the pantry. Its that bad. This craving for chocolate must mean I'm low on those feel good brain chemicals including serotonin.

I'm extremely uncomfortable. It began with my bed not feeling right, then my clothes, then I could feel every little movement and sound DH was making as he blissfully slept. Frustration turned to anger, then to tears. I could not think of a place to escape. I was left without sanctuary.

Freaked myself out thinking about how I needed sleep for so many different reasons, but wasn't getting one wink. Where was my sandman?!!! I have responsibilities tomorrow and people have expectations of me. I can't pass out tomorrow when this all calms down.

I don't even have a baby to cuddle and rock- the one reason I can think of right now worth not getting any sleep for.

Maybe I'll be okay. I can recall other sleepless nights where I still was able to function the next day.

The night before my wedding. Made the mistake of sharing a hotel room with bride's maids who snored. No sleep what so ever. At one point, thought of sneaking over to fiance's room to see if I could crash there, but decided I didn't want him to see me until at the alter that morning. Somehow I made it through my wedding day. I'm buying my future daughter-in-laws a hotel suite with a room all to themselves.

Strep throat Christmas Eve - Too much pain and difficulty breathing - I couldn't ruin Christmas for my family.

Chest cold last month - constant coughing all night long, yet I didn't miss one day of work that week.

Laboring with my second child - 43 hours no sleep due to contractions - still pushed him out in less than 20 minutes when I finally reached that required 10 cm.

I should put a foreign film on, preferably Japanese or Chinese, and try to read subtitles. This usually knocks me out as I try to keep up with reading subtitles, while trying to read also the actor's faces.

If I read anything else, it won't work. I'm an autodidact, addicted to non-fiction.

If I could make noise, I'd clean and purge, but my nest mates would not appreciate being awoken by my freak fest. Awoken? Awakened?

Surprised my essential oil trick didn't work.

Feeling guilty about not having money for DS11's braces. Like I can solve this at 4:23 in the morning? 

Tomorrow, I mean, later today, I will have to be good to myself and try to remain as relaxed as possible. Even when the cable guy is here for the 4th time in 2 weeks. Can we just drop Charter already? Will Dish or Direct TV work for us? I don't know and I shouldn't care right now!!

My Sleepytime tea is gone.

Yumi wants the computer chair back.

I think I should try again, even if DH's alarm will be going off shortly.