Warning- Trees are larger than they appear

Remember the photos of when we tagged our Christmas tree last October? Well, either my judgment was way off, or our tree had a growth spurt between October and Thanksgiving.

We drove out Friday to cut our tree down. It was beautiful and sunny. We found our tree and a little voice in my head began to question whether we had picked the right tree last October. I found two others nearby that looked very appealing, but Jared didn't think it was right to change trees, and DH worried it would be a bad omen if we did.

Our first clue was how difficult it was to chop it down. It required a lot of trimming of branches just to enable DH to get underneath well enough to saw through the trunk. While I was holding the tree upright, it began to shift as DH neared the end of the sawing. I found myself having difficulty trying to hold the tree upright.

A tree farm employee rode up on his 4 wheeler, "Do you want me to load your tree onto the trailer and haul it up the hill for you?"

DH says dragging the tree up the hill is part of the experience. We rolled the tree onto the tarp and began walking back up the hill.

"Wow, this tree feels more heavy than they usually do!" DH got it up the hill though. The farm shook off the loose needles and bundled it for our drive home.

Fearing this tree may be a bit bigger than our usual Christmas trees, we decided to place the tree in front of the window. We secured it in the stand, and I began to cut away the bundling.

I wish we had it on video. DH and the boys stood back as I cut through the plastic strings. I heard the laughter before I saw it. I took a step back and then I couldn't stop laughing either! DH said it really sprung open as I cut the strings and he was surprised it didn't break our window.

We haven't measured it, but I'm guessing its about 5 feet across at it widest. Height wise its our usual 7 foot tree. Why this one is so fat, I don't know. It dwarfs our living room, but that's ok. Its kinda cozy. Plus every time I look at it, it makes me smile. It was so wonderful to hear DH laugh so hard, especially after these past difficult weeks.

So from now until some time in January, we'll be squeezing in through our front door and squeezing into our computer chair! I put on 11 strands of lights and tomorrow we'll decorate with the ornaments. A name hasn't come to us yet. Maybe once we finish decorating, the tree will tell us what it wants to be called.

Pre-Thanksgiving Wednesday

The first part of the sweet potatoes are done and the topping is ready. I decided to leave all the sugar out of the sweet potatoes and use a little brown sugar in the topping only. I also cut way back on the butter.

The regular spuds are washed and ready to be sliced and boiled for tomorrow's mashing. (Skin on mashed are more healthy!)

Tom felt a little less frozen but not quite ready. Maybe I should encourage my boys to stand in front of the fridgy with the door open a little longer?

I hit the Pig for ice, along with usually groceries; milk, bread and eggs. It was a crazy place! I suppose everyone has taken off work today and is food gathering as well.

The boys washed the bathroom without me having to pour on too much guilt. I just had to announce, "I'm started to get flustered and no one is helping me...."

I'm truly grateful they worked together on the bathroom. Jakob is actually working through a serious problem with his Little Big Planet game. He came across a glitch in the game and he lost everything he's worked on the past several weeks. He's has to start over and now he'll be saving to an external drive each time so he doesn't lose everything again.

He's seriously bummed because I guess he had an online friend playing the game with him, with no way to contact that person again. Can you imagine losing your Multiply account and never having the chance to connect with all your contacts again? I feel for him, and admire he is starting over. I guess he did research the problem and discovered he hasn't been the only one this has happened to.

I wish I didn't have to work tonight. Truth be told I had a frightening experience last night. I was feeling fine driving home and then out of the blue, vertigo hit me. Years ago I had serious vertigo problems, but they couldn't find anything wrong with me. I went through all the crazy tests, and they ruled out everything from brain tumors to Lyme disease. The doctor simply said, "You must have a virus."  It took months to go away.

I wasn't sure if I could pull the van off the road. I was so dizzy I wasn't even sure I'd stay conscious! I removed my foot from the gas, took a deep breathe and tried not to panic. It was over as quickly as it had come. I was only a few blocks from home so with my heart racing, I drove it. My head had stopped spinning so I mentally checked myself. Was I going to throw up? Sometimes I spin before hand. My stomach felt fine. Was I having a stroke? No, I can speak and say the alphabet backwards. My legs felt numb but that was because my blood had raced to my heart because I had freaked myself out!

I walked into the house, feeling fine. I took my coat off, drank a glass of water. I was perfectly fine. No headache, nothing. I can't explain it except for it was dark and I was watching the red headlights ahead of me as the driver passed the car in front of him. I think following the red lights with my eyes triggered it. I think I need to make an eye appointment and see if I need a new prescription.

Well, breaks over. I better get cracking again at Thanksgiving prep before I have to leave for work. I probably won't get the chance to say it tomorrow, so I hope you all have a wonderful day with your families! Happy Thanksgiving!

Feeling more groovy....

Maybe its because I made granola? Maybe its because I told myself its ok to chill and go with the flow?

I'm straightening up here and there, but I know its just family coming. I have to leave some dust for them to feel at home. (No offense to my family bloggers!)

Maybe I'm feeling better because I'm getting girly. I put on Sarah McLachlan's Wintersong CD. I just love her version of the Joni Mitchell song, River. The Christmas music inspired me to make room for the tree, so it also feels good to redecorate.

Outside I rolled the pumpkins into the unofficial compost corner of our lot. They were partly frozen, partly decayed moldy messes. I couldn't lift them, but I pushed them using my feet. It gave my legs a workout. They should make exercise balls like this. I felt it not only in my legs but my lower abs as well.    

I checked on Turkey Tom and he still felt very frozen. I thought I had calculated correctly. One day of thawing in the fridgy for every 4 pounds. Our bird is almost 20 pounds so I moved Tom from the freezer on Saturday. He still felt hard as a rock and we only have one more day of thawing. Hmm.....Do I risk using the sink trick?

Tomorrow I'll whip together the sweet potato casserole. I don't exactly have the recipe. Every year I end up asking my MIL, "What's the recipe?" I found three different recipe notes, each from the past three years of me asking for the recipe. Each one is different so I'm not sure which to use, but I do know it must have the corn flake/brown sugar/pecan topping! Forget the marshmallows!

Last night we all played Can't Stop. You roll 4 dice and come up with two sets of numbers 2 through 12. You roll until you decide to stop or until you bust because you didn't roll the numbers you expected. You have markers to keep your place and if you bust, you lose your spot allowing someone else to steal it. I'm probably not explaining it very well, but its really fun except if your husband is like mine and adds your dice instantly. It seems like my dice are just coming to a rest and he's telling me what my numbers are before I can finish adding them up! At least I won the second round.

Hmm.....my teacup is empty. I suppose I've done enough babbling. If you don't hear from me tomorrow, know I'm in the kitchen! Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
  

Mulling through it....

I just want to get to Thursday already. I've had too many Craptastic days, (thanks Maija for my new favorite word). I just want to surround myself with family distractions to take my mind off of the cold, dark depression. Its been said depression is anger without passion. I've found myself going between depression and anger, but either way, I can't seem to release it all yet.

I'm finding myself forgetting stupid things such as, chocolate chips. How does someone like me, an admitted chocolaholic forget chocolate chips? I had planned on making CHOCOLATE CHIP pies for the holidays so there I was at the store, buying pie crusts, butter, pecans, and brown sugar. How could I forget the main ingrediant and namesake of the dessert? I had the butter and sugars creamed, about to drop in the eggs when I realized I had no freaking chocolate chips!!! There's a reason God put me within a few blocks of a Piggly Wiggly.

I had gotten into the van with the sole purpose of returning the library stuff. I drove right past the return box and the library! To say I'm easily distracted these days is an understatement.

I have tons of work I could be doing for the pool, but I can't get to where I need to be to get that done. I'm hoping after Thanksgiving, I can focus more.

We had our first stuck on the ground, measurable snowfall. It looked pretty, but it wasn't fun to drive in. I was grateful the sun came out mid-day and melted it off the roads. I guess I really should remove our wilted, decaying pumpkins and bring out the Christmas lights.

I wasn't going to put out the lights this year, but my neighbor set up a small yard display and I changed my mind. Seeing the lights really does boost your mood.

I've been trying to write down all the things popping into the boys' minds for later research. Normalily, when I'm not moping around, I have no problem fueling their interests, but lately, its an accomplishment if I can get the laundry and dishes done.

Jared asked me when the first sky scraper was built. He wants to know how they repair cracks in windows that high off the ground. I know I should be planning a trip to Chicago now.

Jared also said he's added seeing the Northern Lights onto his bucket list. I hope we have some soon. I could always count on them when I lived in northern Minnesota, but I don't see them as often here in southern Wisconsin. We may have to plan a trip north. (In the meantime, I must get to the library and get books on sky scrapers and Northern Lights!)

Amazing, I haven't gotten sick yet. Its all around me, but for now, I just feel like crap emotionally. Maybe the Emergen-C and blueberry tea is helping, but I know it will catch up to me evenutally. I haven't been able to sleep well and I can't get warm enough.

I'm going to turn off. I need to stop thinking because when I do, I can't focus on one thing long enough to think it through. I need to go back on auto-pilot for awhile.

Trying to warm up....

I'm so proud of my boys. We didn't have any volunteers to help us, so we ended up working the Salvation Army bell ringing shift ourselves. The weather has been colder than we're used to, but we bundled up and rang at the kettle. Near the end, we were getting frozen noses and frozen toes, but we kept each other company and it was a blessing to have 2 hours of conversation with my children.

We tried to warm up by meeting DH for pizza and ranch fries. It didn't work and I wonder if its because people don't understand how a vestibule is suppose to work. Vestibules are designed to help keep the warm air inside. You are only suppose to have one set of doors open at a time. You don't open the outside door and open the inside door at the same time. If that means you have to wait for everyone to enter the vestibule, then you wait. We kept feeling the cold drafts as we tried to enjoy our supper.

I cranked the heat on the way home but I still couldn't get warm. I slept last night with my cuddle duds under my PJs! I don't know why this year it feels colder than normal. All we want to do is curl up under blankies.

I threw on the oven and baked a batch of cookies hoping the oven would help warm up the house. I'm drinking tea and curling up with Yumi but I'm afraid I'm just not ready for winter.

I'm still here....

Just trying to make it through this week.....

I'm waking up and realizing we're not dreaming.....

This is the place we've been brought to for now.....

I've been taking healthy doses of Blind Melon therapy. Change has really been helping....


Change  (by Blind Melon- Hoon, Graham, Stevens, Smith and Thorn)

I don't feel the suns comin' out today
It's staying in, it's gonna find another way.
As I sit here in this misery,
I don't think I'll ever (no Lord) see the sun from here.
And oh as I fade away,
They'll all look at me and say, and they'll say,
Hey look at him! I'll never live that way.
But that's okay, they're just afraid to change.
And when you feel life ain't worth living
You've got to stand up and
Take a look around you look up way to the sky.
And when your deepest thoughts are broken,
Keep on dreaming boy, cause when you stop dreamin' it's time to die.
And as we all play parts of tomorrow,
some ways will work and other ways we'll play.
But I know we can't all stay here forever,
So I want to write my words on the face of today.
And then they'll paint it
And oh as I fade away,
They'll all look at me and say, they'll say,
Hey look at him and where he is these days.
When life is hard, you have to change.

Blind Melon - Changed - Live TV

I don't feel the suns comin' out today
It's staying in, it's gonna find another way.
As I sit here in this misery,
I don't think I'll ever (no Lord) see the sun from here.
And oh as I fade away,
They'll all look at me and say, and they'll say,
Hey look at him! I'll never live that way.
But that's okay, they're just afraid to change.
And when you feel life ain't worth living
You've got to stand up and
Take a look around you look up way to the sky.
And when your deepest thoughts are broken,
Keep on dreaming boy, cause when you stop dreamin' it's time to die.
And as we all play parts of tomorrow,
some ways will work and other ways we'll play.
But I know we can't all stay here forever,
So I want to write my words on the face of today.
And then they'll paint it
And oh as I fade away,
They'll all look at me and say, they'll say,
Hey look at him and where he is these days.
When life is hard, you have to change.

I woke up in the wrong reality.

Somehow, I'm in the wrong place today. There's an alternate universe I'm suppose to be in rather than this one right now. An early morning phone call brought news our family has suffered a devastating loss.

I'm walking around in a fog, feeling numb. I keep feeling like we're in a dream and we need to wake up. I feel raw, emotional, lost, and a huge injustice has happened.

I feel like I need to curl up in the covers, go to sleep and tomorrow I'll wake and today was really just a bad nightmare.

I know none of us know when we'll be called home, but when someone dies young, without a chance to say goodbye, without a chance to really live out their dreams, its so difficult to accept.

My heart is breaking for those I love who loved him. Answers will bring understanding but won't take away any of the loss.

He should be here now, with us. Its so unfair. 

Without warning your path may turn. I guess you can't prepare any way you look at it. All I can do is pray we'll find our way to the next step in the right direction after we stop spinning in this dark circle.

A-Z Meme (stolen from Lisa)

A is for age: For Tea - can't bring myself to type the actual number. I'm still 22 in my head.
 
B is for beer choice: Root
 
C is for career right now: Autodidact- but that doesn't bring me any money. I also work part-time at a pool. 

D is for your dog's name:  When we get a dog, I'd like to name him "Bump" or her "Bisky".

E is for essential item you use everyday: shower 

F is for your favorite TV show at the moment: True Blood
 
G is for favorite game:  I want to play Sling Shot Golf like I saw on Survivor last week, but I think I'll have to make my own equipment to do this.

H is for hometown: born in Chicago, raised in the burbs
 
I is for instrument you play: none well enough

J is for favorite juice: Brain Juice - This is really Minute Maid Pomegranate/Blueberry juice but our family calls it Brain Juice.
 
K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: Randy the Racist on Survivor- I hope he is voted off this week! I don't care who else wins the million but if it ends up being Randy the Racist, I swear I will never watch the show again, and I may even boycott CBS.

L is for the last place you ate: Our Mancave- leftover fajitas and now my tummy doesn't feel so good.
 
M is for marriage: Married 15, together 22 
 
N is for your name:  I just changed it to Dawning. It was Dawn Inger, after my grandmother and my mother, but I wanted a new name for the second half of my life. I like how "Dawning" represents both my grandmother and my mom, and I like the idea I am "Dawning" into the person I'm suppose to be. Plus "Dawning" has more action to it than one syllable "Dawn".

O is for overnight hospital stays: C-section and VBAC
 
P is for people you were with today: Jake, Jared & Yumi, wait...she's a cat

Quote: "Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn whatever state I am in, thein to be content" - Helen Keller- Because I'm an autodidact (unschooler) I just love this quote!

R is for biggest regret: The 3 years I bought into the "Supermom" crock of crap and Jake was in daycare. I will NEVER get those 3 years back. I wish someone would have told me when I was first pregnant, STAY HOME WITH THEM! THEY GROW SO FAST!

S is for status: Digesting? 

T is for time you woke up today: 8:30am- I stayed up too late last night watching a special about polygamy, and sex change operations. Cable can be an evil thing.

U is for underwear you have on now:  Only DH gets to know this so I'm not telling you!
 
V is for vegetable you love: Broccoli- Who doesn't love eating little trees?

W is for worst habit: My addiction to chocolate and sweets.

X is for x-rays you've had taken: In addition to the usual dental x-rays, I've had a CAT scan done and my first mammogram was this year!

Y is for yummy food you ate today: Vanilla granola

Z is for zodiac sign: Leo- is so fits me too! 

My cheap pot rack project

I realized I never did show you my ultra cheap, yet highly functional pot rack!  It has cleared up congestion in the pot storage cabinet, although, you know what, I'm realizing I don't use several of these pots, even on a weekly basis. I should get rid of the pots and pans we don't use.

I used a simple piece of Aspen and screw in hooks I bought at Menards. Total cost was probably under $5. I'd have to search for the receipt.

Its resting on my cabinets. It comes down very quickly if I believe guests will think it makes my kitchen look cluttered. Although, I like my Revere wear pans. My mom had this style of cookware only with the copper bottoms. I should buy some Revere wear polish though.

The largest fry pan didn't come with my set. I picked that up at a garage sale for a quarter. After I bought it, I figured out why they ditched it. Its not non-stick. I think I've ended up using this pan once or twice. I should ditch it as well.

My other pans and pots I can't hang up, unless I buy some leather rawhide to make loops to hang them from. My Revere wear came with metal rings already in place.

I still may stain or paint the wood to coordinate with my kitchen, but for now, it works. The hooks came in packages of 4. You can see I could still fit one more in the middle. I haven't decided if its worth it to buy one more package and only use 1 of the hooks in it.

I may take down my curtains. That rod doesn't really fit. I may buy a new shade. I know I should take down the Christmas lights, but hey, Christmas is just around the corner now! Maybe for Christmas, I'll stick Tomte walking across my pot rack!! 

Wondering on Wednesday....

Why is it, whenever I bend over I feel like I'm having a stroke? Move my head lower than my heart, and I swear I'm busting an aneurysm. I'm headache free as long as I don't bend over.

Why does it cost so much to see the Titanic exhibit? I would really love to check this out, but $21 admission for me, $18 for Jake, $13 for Jared adds up to $52!! This is the weekday price. If we go on the weekend, add in weekend rates plus the cost of one husband- total $83!!!!! I'm sorry but that's insane. Someone's paying it though. According to the website you must purchase tickets in advance to guarantee admission and you'll be given an entry time.

Is it wrong of me to ask my family, (DH), to not bring home sweet snacks or chocolate? Is it wrong to deprive them simply because I can't control myself?

How come when I woke up at 2:00am, my throat was sore and my nose was stuffed, but when I woke up at 7:00am, I felt fine?

Should humans hibernate, just a little bit?

Why does my town have no decent restaurants?

How come our bodies have the ability to heal, but not heal our teeth?

How come when our eyes are overexposed to one color, our brains automatically counterbalance with the complementary color? On a white piece of paper, draw two circles. Color one bright yellow. Stare at the yellow circle for 20 seconds or so. Cover up the yellow circle with another sheet of paper and stare at the circle you left uncolored, (white). After a few seconds what color do you see? Isn't this wild! Why do our brains do this?!!

Do they make a self cleaning bird cage?

Why does Yumi demand to see what we're eating, but when we offer her a taste of human food she doesn't eat it?

Why am I craving Big Red gum?

TTT

1. Proof my neighbor wants to keep me fat. I think she flavored the chocolate with espresso!

2. Yumi is playing musical chairs. Every time I get up, she steals my spot. Another use for humans, chair warmers.

3. Why does cold have to hurt?

4. I really need to clean out the front closet and find our gloves, hats, scarves, boots, snow pants and winter coats.

5. How far off is spring?

6. Breakfast supper sounds like a great idea! Too bad I won't be home.

7. If I can't go barefoot, why is it I can only find white or hot pink socks?

8. If your son says, "Mom, you can't watch those videos. They're not ready yet," would it be a violation of his privacy if I do? (I better not or he won't continue to allow me to borrow his camcorder to move my photos.)

9. That orange looked better than it tasted. I wish the Clementines were in.

10. I must get caught up on True Blood tonight!

Pick a Project Monday

Coming off a bummed out weekend, I know I have to jump back into action to snap out of this funk. I've got lots I could do today, and I know I won't get to it all. Any guess what I'll actually accomplish this 10th day of November?

• haircut- I get these once or twice a year.
• birdseed in the feeder
• yard waste moved
• kitchen floor cleaned
• experiment with Jake's camcorder to see if I can use it to upload photos
• clean out the birdcage
• buy jeans
• treadmill 30 minutes
• store away Halloween decorations
• work from home with Jack Rabbit software
• pay our library fines
• keep checking the Blind Melon forum page for Rogers' update
  
• vacuum
  
• homeschool parent meeting at 3:30
  

I could add more, but this list isn't even realistic.

I most likely will not go to the home school parent meeting. I'm not getting much out of the group this year. Maybe we've been at this long enough we don't need support. I know I should go to be the veteran voice, but I'm a little put off right now.

I organized a service project, ringing bells for the Salvation Army, and it looks like its only going to be me ringing. The one other family interested has now dropped out. Last year I had 8 families ringing at two different locations on multiple days.

If it really ends up being only me, its ok. I volunteer for the Salvation Army because its my way of thanking them for helping my grandmother so many years ago. I'm just growing weary of being in a disintegrating home school support group.

I think this happens because many home schooling families stop home schooling as their children grow older. In our current group, my boys are some of the oldest, and they are only 13 and almost 10. I don't believe in ageism, but my boys are not interested in doing the early elementary activities and we've done most of the field trip circuit in our area.

I have moments where I worry my boys won't have home schooling peers to relate to, but then I realize that's life. Most people in the world are not home schooled. My boys will have to mix and mingle with mostly institutionalized educated people.

Does that make me want to quit allowing my boys to learn at home? Heck no! The benefits are too awesome! My boys have also shown me, socially they're doing just fine. They have friends from both walks of life.

Well, my teacup is empty, the music has stopped. Dharma's on so its time I hop onto the treadmill. Take care!

Celestial Seasonings True Blueberry Tea

Rating:	★★★★★
Category:	Other

I love this tea. The flavor is delicate, yet refreshing. For a commercial tea you can buy in any grocery store, the quality impresses rather than disappoints.

I know its actually not a tea. Its really Hibiscus and Rosehips with natural blueberry flavor bringing up the rear of the ingredient list. The blueberry really presents itself though, rather than getting lost.

I can never drink only one cup. I always have to brew two!

I'm feeling better....

I will admit, I'm going through a mourning process, but my husband is going through it with me. The latest news is the entire tour is canceled. I really do hope they find a way to carry on and continue to perform. I'm not giving up hope I'll see them again one day. 

The only other thing stressing me right now is, I'm not finding enough volunteers to help us ring bells for the Salvation Army. Last year I had so many families, I had to set up multiple days and multiple locations. This year I've booked only 1 shift, and the one family who wants to help us will probably cancel. I have a feeling I'll be on my own.

I've decided to make a list of things I want to learn more about, and I've asked my family to do the same. Big or small, it doesn't matter. I just want to know. DH questioned me about this and I told him I think its important we model for our kids that learning never stops. I also was a bit distressed when I realized I had no idea what my husband's answers would be. He agreed he had no idea what mine would be either.

So I'm in brainstorming mode, trying to come up with my list. Here's what I have so far;

- I want to learn more about English muffins. Can I make them at home like the delicious ones we buy at the store?

- I want to learn how to install flooring.

- Why does the top of Wisconsin belong to Michigan! (This one's been on my list forever.)

- What are the different breeds of Poodle? Are they really hypoallergenic? Will their fur be soft?

- MP3 players

- Jack Rabbit software

- SLR cameras

- Mandalas

- How to knit socks

- How to make soap

- I want to learn more about Helen Keller

- Is there a specific diet for getting your hormones on track?

I could continue but my time's up. Until tomorrow.....Take care!

I'M SO SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its a dark, dark day. Before our road trip, I checked the Blind Melon Forum page one last time to be sure the show was still on. I knew Travis was having throat trouble and previous shows had been canceled. Well, apparently Travis has quit the band. That's "Rock and Roll", I suppose.

Blind Melon will carry on, with a temporary replacement singer, just not in time for my Fort Wayne show. In the long run, the band hopes to find a permanent new lead vocalist. Maybe things will work out with Travis once heads cool, but even if they don't, I hope there is another chapter to this band's story. 

From Rogers Stevens,

Friends.... I bring you some difficult news. The revelry call went out to start the tour, and all reported to duty except for one. We, along with our entire team, have been working long hours to prepare for this upcoming US tour, which we have all been excited about. All except one. There has long been consensus with the original 4 members of the group....we agree on purpose and vision, we believe deeply in what we are doing, and we have been forged together in the kiln of tragedy which has made us unbreakable. We all share that. All except one. We believe that it is a great privilege to do what we do. It is an honor to stand onstage before you all and play these songs, and we will endure just about anything to do so. We have unity on this...all except one. Travis does not share this with us. Two weeks ago when we cancelled the first half of the tour, Travis was having problems with his voice and the doctor recommended that he rest. Though it hurt us to cancel the shows, we were understanding towards him and supported him because nobody wanted him to injure himself or damage his obviously amazing voice. God dropped a Stradivarius down Travis's throat, but the reality is that he treats it like a broken pawnshop fiddle. It is very difficult to maintain a rigorous touring schedule while chain smoking. Early this week Travis was due to again visit the doctor, a specialist that we found for him who is the very best available. The doctor wanted to make sure everything was OK before we embarked on the tour. We told Travis that we would cancel the rest of the tour if his voice was still hurting, regardless of what the doctor said. Travis will tell you that we fired him because his voice was fried, but this is not true. All singers go through vocal problems from time to time, and we understand that. We did not fire Travis, he abandoned us. The plan was set, it was solid, and we were confident. Everybody was on board...all except one. Not only did he bail on the doctor, but he did not return anybody's calls, texts, emails, telegrams, or carrier pigeon messages for the last two weeks. We're talking about a LOT of attempts to communicate. This has been a pattern from the beginning of our involvement with him. The reality is that Travis did not want to go on this tour, and his reasons for this changed many times. The touring life is not for everyone. Had he told us that it was just too much for him, then that would have sucked for us but we could have dealt with it. But the dilemma was that HE WOULD NOT COMMUNICATE WITH US. We finally started calling family members to try to locate him. Members of his family were very helpful and the good news is that they had spoken to him and he was alive. We were all relieved but curious as to what was going on. One of Travis's cousins finally got him to agree to call our manager yesterday evening and they spoke for about 20 minutes (we were all waiting to figure out if we should get on airplanes today or stay home). Travis stated that if we couldn't understand that he needed this time to himself, then he didn't want to be in a band with us anymore. He complained about being underpaid and overworked (we all make the same thing and we all work as hard as he does). He said that he didn't want to play the US anymore and that he was under-appreciated. He complained about playing the same songs in the same towns. We could not make him understand that the wheels were in motion for this tour for 6 months, and that to blow it out just because he didn't want to do it was a very bad move (we think his voice is probably fine now, by the way, though we could never say for sure since he neglected his doctor's appointment and did not call us to tell us that it was not well). There was no indication that any of this was coming at the end of the Canadian tour. We had great success up there (thank you Canada) and we were encouraged by what was ahead of us. We were all set to record a live album on this tour, we just booked Japan, and we were in the process of putting together Europe and South America. People have been working very hard on this stuff...lots of great people who we are very much lucky to be working with. Travis is unable or unwilling to care about how his actions affect everybody else, and he's been this way since day one. We have passed up or blown many opportunities because of his actions, and this has made it very difficult for us to function effectively. For the 2 weeks worth of shows that we have cancelled in the last year, there have been countless others that were on the verge of not happening. Many nights we have sat in the dressing room or on the bus wondering if Travis was going to show up and what condition he would be in if he did show up. None of us want to be in one of those bands that is held hostage by a single person's whims and demands. Travis's talent is enormous and deep, but after two gut-wrenching years and countless setbacks and heartbreaks, we can no longer work with him. We want to make this clear that this calamity is not just about the most recent events. For many different reasons, there has been a division that slowly developed from the beginning. Travis came into a very difficult situation, and in a lot of ways he handled it very well. But for whatever reason, we could never get him to come fully into the fold. We tried to achieve unity and balance in the band and we welcomed him with open arms as a full partner. But in a band you are dealing with a bunch of highly creative and impulsive people in suspended adolescence who are also oftentimes maladjusted. It must have been very difficult for Travis to figure out our relationships and to find his place. When things got tough, Travis would fire off an email and threaten to quit the band....this happened at least a dozen times. Eventually, confidence within the band as well as with the people who worked with us became undermined. Everybody around saw what was going on and were probably taking bets on how long we would last. The real back-story to this is very deep. If you squint your eyes and read very closely between the lines, you might pick up a hint of it. There is no way that we could accurately tell you what has transpired over the past two years without breaking some ethical codes and spewing a bunch of angry stuff that will just sound irrelevant to you. We don't want to hurt Travis or say anything more than what is necessary to tell enough of the story. We believe that to publicly air out all of the prior details of what brought us to this place would be counterproductive. We will have our side of the story and Travis will have his, and the two shall not meet. And you as the reader will be left scratching your head and wondering who is crazier. You'll probably also wonder why we can't just kiss and make up and play the goddamned songs. We can only say that we have tried everything that we could to get to that place. We sincerely hope that Travis finds a musical situation that makes him happy. As previously stated, his talent is prodigious, and that is why we thought he should play in the big leagues, but now it is clear that he was drafted by the wrong team. He belongs onstage, and that is where we got along with him best. He is a GREAT performer and we are hopeful that he will end up in the right situation for him. So the next question is "what are we going to do"? First of all, we plan to begin the tour in Allentown, PA on Monday. Chris Shin, who formed Unified Theory with Brad and Christopher, is coming with us and is ready and willing. We are enormously grateful to Chris for accepting this somewhat daunting challenge. After the tour, we will begin the process of finding somebody who understands, as previously stated, that it is an honor to perform for ya'll, and that it is important to pull together and work together in order to create something truly great. We intend to play all the shows that are on the schedule, including the New Year's eve show, and we will make up the shows that were cancelled earlier this month. We're going on a journey and we'll bring you back something great......thank you for everything that you've given us. Blind Melon November 6, 2008

Can't think straight....more babbling...

Sorry. I'm a total Melon Head today! Tomorrow this time I will be road bound, Fort Wayne, Indiana or Bust!

Jake13 wants me to change my avatar photo. The melon head freaks him out a little. I say NO WAY! Not until after the concert anyway.

I know I shouldn't get my hopes up. The odds of me being stage front and coming home with a set list or pick are not in my favor. Piere's has a security rail and the stage is set back 5 feet. I've been 7 times lucky being in front, I know. Its too much to hope for #8. Of course the dreamer in me is thinking maybe, if we get there early enough, we can spot the tour bus and the crazy, mid-life mental, stalker fan in me will knock on the door!

My SD card worked at Walgreens. I think it really is my camera that is sick. I had Walgreens burn my photos to CD but didn't make any prints. After checking out the quality, my camera is doomed. I did salvage a few I've posted here. I need to hit the Lotto so I can buy an SLR camera.

Our beautiful fall weather has left us. Its raining sideways and the cold is starting to bite. I'm realizing I have nothing to wear. I don't remember all my jeans having holes in them when I put them away last spring. My problem is, I never shop for clothes, so when I finally do, I have to buy practically a new wardrobe, and then everything wears out at the same time.

I've been watching Dharma and Greg reruns while I'm on the treadmill. I so want to be Dharma! I need a Dharma wardrobe. I realize the show is a decade old, but I don't care. Of course my body will never look like Jenna Elfman's!!! LOL!!! I think I need to go shopping for some free spirited outfits.

Yesterday we visited home school friends who have just returned from Europe. She told us Europeans can spot Americans because we dress like slobs. We're the only ones wearing tennis shoes and sweats. I've never been to Europe but I don't doubt her account.

I think I'd like to travel and see Europe but my nest mates are home bodies. They like the familar. Believe me, just getting my husband to drive to Indiana is something!

Time's up. I need to start walking. I'll miss you tomorrow. See you on Sunday! Have a great weekend!

 

Halloween 2008

Pumpkins & Posse

Wednesday's babble

DS9 made this neat election map. He put together a map of the U.S. and then made Lego guys, blue and red. As he watched the numbers come in last night, he used the Lego guys to mark which states Obama and McCain won. I'd show you but my DARN camera hates me!!!

DH took my camera to work and to my horror, the exact same problems which plagued me at home, occurred on the bigger, faster, newer computers. Its not my home PC, ITS MY CAMERA!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAA! (Or could it be the SD card?)

I don't have the fundage to purchase a new camera. Because I haven't been able to upload the photos, my SD card is now holding almost 200 snaps. I'm going to try taking my SD card to Walgreens and hope their machine can read my pictures. If I have 200 photos that I will never be able to retrieve off that media card, I will be greatly upset!

On to brilliantly, exciting, rocking news!!! We got tickets!!!!!! Blind Melon here we come once again! This will be show #8. I'm thinking of sending the band a Thank You card for keeping their ticket prices so low. The only way we've been able to be Melonhead groupies is because tickets have never been more than $15.

I'm really looking forward to the road trip with DH. We don't have the chance to spend much time together so even riding in the car for 10 hours without kids gives us a chance to reconnect. These, on average, once a month Blind Melon concerts have been great "Date Nights." I don't know what we'll do when they stop touring in the Midwest or when the snow makes travel difficult.

I realized that most of my friends are really different from me, and not necessarily in ways that I think are good. In fact some of them have very strong beliefs the polar opposite of my own. Does this really work? Should I be friends will people who are vastly different from me?

It doesn't bother me to share my life with these people, but I wonder if I'm missing out on something by not hanging with someone who shares my way of thinking. Of course I'm coming to realize there is no one like me. My life choices are constantly separating me from the mainstream.

I do have my husband and there will always be my siblings, (can't choose your family), but I doubt I will ever have in my life that best friend who doesn't share DNA, who thinks like me.

I guess I'm meant to be the black sheep. I'm ok with it.

I should stop babbling and get to work. Have a great Wednesday! 

We're always thinking.....(TTT)

10 Random questions my kids asked me, during an Unschooling day.....

1. "Mom, if there was more gravity, things would weigh more wouldn't they?"

2. "So how much protein should I eat?"

3. "What is an actual serving size like?"

4. "Can a person get too much calcium?"

5. "What if no one wanted to vote for Obama or McCain? How would we pick a president?"

6. "HOW DO I GET DOWN FROM THE TOP BUNK!"

7. "Wait a minute. If you 'never return' if you see the snowman at the top of the mountain, how does that guy know about the monster and not to go up there?"

8. "Do identical twins have matching finger prints?"

9. "How big of a turkey do we need to feed around 13 people?"

10.  "What's in a hot dog?"

I'm itching and bitching about robots.

My arms are covered in little red itchy bumps. Its gorgeous outside in Wisconsin today so I decided to do a little yard work. Of course "a little" turned into a lot.

I started by putting away all the patio cushions and stacking the furniture. Then I noticed how the weeds I neglected to pull had become trees. I cut away until my hands began to get sore, then I recruited my boys to help me.

Together we began to trim bushes and haul away branches. I wasn't wearing gloves and had on short sleeves. Now my arms are a mess. We're taking a break before we try hauling more yard waste away. Maybe we'll get lucky, and the wind will blow it all into the empty lot next to us.

Tomorrow I'm not turning on the TV, the radio or going online. I already voted last week, and I just want a day of peace. Of course that means I'm not answering the phone either.

I don't know why but we've gotten more robot calls than ever before. What infuriates me is McCain's robots. They are easily out numbering Obama's robots 10 to 1, (not that I want Obama robots to call me either. HELLO! I've already voted!) McCain's robots apparently do not communicate with each other, because they call within 5 minutes of each other. When I don't answer my phone, my voice mail is full of calls, all within just a few minutes apart.

It makes me want to push for a NO POLITICAL CALL list. If I can block phone solicitors, I should be able to block political solicitation as well. Especially because McCain robots are calling at 9:00pm!! Not that I'm sleeping, it just I know all other kinds of sales calls or even collection calls can't be made after 8:30pm. ( I used to work in Fraud/Security loss prevention.) 

I read an editorial in the newspaper this morning someone thinks its wrong to vote early. Their reason is it goes against tradition and you miss the excitement, similar to "waiting for Christmas to open your presents."  Ahh.... I'd rather vote early and not wait in line. As for opening my presents early, its not like voting early means I find out who won early! I don't need more time to decide. I'm not influenced by ROBOTS!! (Unless they do yard work.)

Ok, breaks done. I should go back outside and rake yard waste, but I think cleaning the bathrooms sound like more fun.

GOOD LORD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! I THINK I NEED CHOCOLATE!

I'm using my extra hour to sleep.

I'm wiped out. Thankfully my sister is moved! Yeah! The house she is renting now is so much better for her family. It was worth the work. The weather cooperated, my body did too, although now I'm exhausted. I pray things work out for her, and she can purchase the home within the next 6 months.

Trick or Treating went very well. We had our biggest turnout yet. DS9 got lots of compliments on his Poptart costume. (I'll show you next week. DH promises to burn my photos to a CD at his work for me since I'm still struggling with moving them to our PC with our USB cord or card reader.)

Even though the Posse Rats were a little hyped up from all the Halloween candy, the sleep over party was stress free. I made hot dogs, (easier and cheaper than pizza), added a few bags of chips and 2 liters of soda. I should start calling these all night video game parties, "all nighters" instead of sleep overs. None of them get much sleep. I was just glad they were all safe in our basement, instead of running around the town Halloween night, possibly getting into trouble.

Maybe this sleep over seemed less stressful because of our new deal. The boys were getting a little tired of being "abandoned", (left with a babysitter), while DH & I rocked away our midlife crisis with Blind Melon concerts. We've made a deal they get to have a sleep over for every concert we go to now. This Friday will be our 8th concert since last March. I don't know if my luck will hold. Every concert I've been stage front and managed to grab a set list or a pick. Every time I see them, I tell myself this could be it. This could be the last time I hear their songs live.

Well, I'm off to bed. I'm really trying to get 8 hours, get my exercise and drink my Emergen-C. The boys have colds, and I mistakenly drank from a contaminated water bottle! Not that I couldn't have breathed in their rhinos will all the sneezing that's been going around. I must stay well for next Friday's road trip!