I should be calm, at peace but I'm not. I don't feel focused. Am I still going through post traumatic car buying stress? Is it the constant doom and gloom news thrown in our faces, or has my brain finally succumbed to the freezing temperatures?
I know I'm having one of those, "Am I doing the best by my children" modes. It began with a conversation with my husband about stuff happening at my work. DH feels I have the expertise and talent to really make a difference if only I could work full time. DS10 over heard us and misinterpreted this to mean I was going back to work full time, meaning he would then have to go to school. I had to assure him I wasn't leaving him. Family is my first priority and allowing my children the freedom to learn and grow in their own way goes along with that.
I tried to explain to him that I would always be around when he needed me, but that someday, he would be older and wouldn't need me as much. This seemed to calm him down, but for some reason, the whole thing really shook me.
I guess I was upset that we upset him, but I also felt the event hatched a little worry bug. Am I doing everything I should to prepare them for THAT day?
Now I've learned, when I start doubting the unschooling process, its really about me not fostering my own learning. (Thomas Jefferson Education taught me that.) I am a mentor and if they aren't able to witness me learning and growing, they won't be inspired to learn and grow. I've lost sight of this recently, probably due to stress.
I'm sure its also because I feel out of touch with them. I've been busy with other crap, and I haven't been able to share in their daily lives as much. If I would have, I'm sure I would see they are learning and growing.
I did trip up and started asking them, "Are you guys bored? Do we need to start doing something else? Should we make some goals? Take some trips? Get out of this Sleepyhouse?" I need to remember the look on their faces. Silence speaks.
My kids never use the B word. Boredom is an affliction that rarely visits here. Its more about Mom's insecurities fueling these questions.
I regret it today. It didn't take long before DS13 began to say things like, "I guess I should study medicine so I could always have being a doctor as my fall back."
WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lord, help me to not screw them up!!!! Bring me back to focus and help me relax. I need to remember my passions and take time to share theirs as well. Unschooling does work if I don't allow stress to get in the way of your plan!
7 comments:
Just keep praying that prayer, and peace will come!! You're a great mom, a great mentor, and a great teacher. You recognize that you have been stressed and you know what you need to do to get that passion and focus back. You (and the kids) are just fine!! Spring is coming.
Take some deep breaths. Have a cup of tea. You're a great Mom! Your kids are doing great!
Some of it could be they are getting older.. HUGS!.
I know stress it isn't fun at all.
I am seeing how unschooling can work and it I had not met you it wouldn't have fully happened in this house and I thank you for that. ...
I saw it first hand last night and I was like to myself COOL!.
Course I like to get up and go and can't wait for Lil A to be done with preschool so I am not "stuck" at home. SO I can do more "Trippy" like things.
Understand the stress and your feelings about schooling. I am sure when all calms down and the stress is gone everything will return to normal.
Ahem ... this is exactly the things I think of myself.... in a way, I am glad I read this - I feel so not alone now. I still am looking forward to homeschooling though, but find scaryness creeping in from time to time - kinda like what you wrote about there.
It's been a long winter. Put on some good music and dance! Spring is coming! ; ) ((HUGS))
{{{big hugs}}} I know when I have other things on my mind they easily take the focus off of my priorities. It's the pits when I start doubting myself/my abilities. It's when I'm sitting with Alex and she does something that gives my heart peace and I say to myself, "Oh Yah!"......I realize things are okay.
When things settle down around your house, you'll be back in your groove and feel the confidence that usually exudes from you :)
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