I'm in a funk. I feel like running away to a place no one would want to venture to just to be alone with my thoughts, a place where maybe I could be the puppet master for awhile rather than feel the pull of these strings.
I don't need to pretend to write a novel or talk to the dead, but I need to feel I have a handle on things and right now I'm far from that mindset. When something trivial such as overdue library books begins to stress you out, its a warning sign.
Okay, it not really about library books. I have a lump where a woman doesn't want to find one, in October of all months. October, when I should be enjoying family celebrations and the coming of my favorite season. Its probably only a cyst, but do you know what's so crazy mental of me? I'm more worried about co-pays than about achieving peace of mind.
Why can I be foolishly frugal, especially when it comes to spending money for my needs? Its not that we can't afford the co-pay right now, DH is working and for the time being we have health insurance. As much as I fear the big C, I really don't think this lump is it. I feel like I'd be wasting money only to find out its just a cyst. That's completely warped of me I know.
I just don't feel like being normal right now. I actually would prefer to live a homeschooling socialization myth. Can we shut ourselves out from the world with enough food and books to last the winter? The Overlook is inviting me.
I can feel change arriving as the geese leave over my head, and I want to take a moment to figure out where should I be redirecting my focus. Life's distractions are preventing me from this task.
7 comments:
I'm sorry you're feeling blah right now. The Overlook sounds tempting. Wonder if they need a caretaker this year? Take care of yourself + go get that cyst checked out. *hug*
Dawn don't be silly, get that cyst checked because you will be more in a funk if you put it off and find out later that its something serious. You should never put off your health even if you think it's nothing, your not a doctor so for your family, go to the doctor.
I agree, Dawn. You have to have it checked, then you can continue on to the holidays and enjoy family and friends. Believe me, though, when I tell you I have been where you are, and it's not a fun place to be. Please get it checked and put it behind you. Hugs.
I'm with everyone else here, Dawn. Please get it checked out. ((hugs))
{{{hugs}}} I'm sorry about your funk and stress. :o( Please do have the lump checked out. I would more than likely be in the same mindset as you in thinking it's just a cyst. We tend to wait things out here in our home rather than have extra medical bills.
If you head to The Overlook take me with! :o)
Dawn, I will pray for you as you walk through this funk! I have been there. ((((hugs))))
praying for you on the lump (praying that you get it checked out) praying also for the funk you say you are in. I am also kind of in one. Trying to get out of it. I see the light and then bam, right back down. Probably just tired. praying that you get some rest,and that tomorrow looks better for you.
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