My 16 year old son wiped off the table we had just finished eating at in Taco Bell. He didn't wipe it off because I asked him to. He didn't wipe it off because he was fearful I would take his cheese & lettuce crumbs and make him do a chore to get them back. (Wait, I'm guessing the "toys for ransom" method of teaching responsibility would backfire when it comes to food crumbles.)
He witnessed how busy the Taco Bell worker was trying to keep up with the register and cleaning tables. He chose to wipe down the table as a gesture of caring and respect.
Not once while raising him did we ever have to hold his toys hostage. Instead my husband & I modeled how you wipe down a table at home because it leaves it clean for the next time you need it.
Sometimes, he leaves his hoodie on the couch. I'll gladly hang it on his hoodie hook in his room. Sometimes I leave my water glass on the end table. He carries it to the sink for me. I will fold the clothes from the dryer, but sometimes my back doesn't allow me to carry it upstairs. If I leave the basket at the bottom of the stairs, the next person in my nest always brings it up, without comment or complaint. He decides to head out and ride his bike. He'll bring in the mail before he closes the garage door after he's returned. Cat drops a bomb, first one who smells it scoops it because we all know, Yumi can't flush.
Maintenance in our Sleepyhouse is shared by all who live here because we love and respect each other. Our children learned this because we modeled love and respect. It was easy. We didn't have to motivate them using fear of punishment.
Other parents may think Mom's hostage toy bin is a wonderful idea, but I prefer to have my children make noble decisions because it is what is righteous, not because they fear loss or fear getting into trouble.
A supermom I know has written an excellent blog post on this debate. She covers every valid point and in my opinion, wins this debate hands down. Click here to read it.
My mom taught me the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Its not that difficult to raise responsible children using this method.
4 comments:
You have great kids. :)
Congratulations. I wish I could say my household was as successful as yours, but alas, it is not. I tried teaching this the same way you have and it never seemed to sink in. Now that they are adults, they do better, but it's still not great. Even Hubby needs constant reminders on this issue.
You certainly did it right. That Golden Rule is the most important thing we can teach - and live.
One child out of three does it for the right reasons. One child out of three I homeschooled. He remembers birthdays and is not afraid to show affection.
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