Why I'm Glad I Can Use The Bathroom Alone

Last night at work, I overheard this conversation coming from behind the restroom door.

"Mom, did you go pee or poo?"

"Pee."

"Really, because it smells like you went poo."

"Shhh!!!"

"Why are you telling me to 'shhh'?"

Don't you just love the honesty of children? I'm so glad my own are grown, and I have the privilege of using the restroom alone. I can remember when they were little, and I'd worry they'd open the door before I was done. Thankfully, they didn't feel the need to discuss my bodily functions! LOL!

I feel for parents. When nature calls, we have little choice but to bring our babes with us. You can't leave them alone. I felt a little guilty using the handicap stall, but they were usually big enough for the stroller. There should be more family friendly restrooms.

I remember when my boys didn't want to use the "ladies" room anymore. If my husband wasn't around, I'd stand by the "men's" room door, anxiously waiting for their safe return. (I told them to scream if they needed help and I'd bust in.) I'd eyeball the men coming and going. I'm sure they thought I was a strange agent, but I didn't care.

We'd always try to use the restrooms near where the employees were working; the check outs, the customer service area. I'd remind the boys not to speak to strangers, stay with the cart and I'd be as quick as possible.

Answering nature's call shouldn't be stressful, but when you are a parent, it can be quite the adventure.

What's Up

I've been meaning to write, but every time I start to, it seems that something negative is coming out. I don't want to complain or foster further feelings of disappointment, so I'm sticking to what my mother taught me, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

So trying to focus on the positive, here's some news:

The garden is growing. Funny how it seems I'm out there almost daily but somehow still missed that we have already a cucumber growing along with a few baby green sweet peas and grape tomatoes. They must have been camouflaged or I just wasn't looking closely. We're in zone 4/5 so I've had to be patient. The lettuce is doing great, and the baby spinach has already been consumed. The basil is up along with the spring onions, but part of the row of cilantro is missing. Either bad seed or something got into it and ate it already. I still have part of the row, so it won't be a complete loss. One of the heirloom zucchinis is a conjoined twin. I can't wait to see how that veggie grows and what it will end up looking like.

Notes for next year - skip the lettuce and just plant baby spinach. It tastes so good in smoothies! Plant the sugar snap peas EARLIER! I also want to expand the beds to be bigger and plant garlic in the fall. Maybe we'll even try to grow popcorn!

DS15 has been making short films. I wish I could post them for you to enjoy. His latest one was really good, but I don't have permission to share it. It features several of his friends and involves a possessed disc golf frisbee. Hopefully everyone involved will grant permission for it to be posted on Youtube soon and then I can share it.

DS15 also has been working on creating an art studio in the garage. I wish we had a room in the house that we could designate to be our art workshop. The garage doesn't have great lighting and it will be too cold to work in the winter.

DS12 has been working out, getting ready for his first Firecracker walk with G-Ma this coming weekend. He's thinking he may want to start running to take his fitness goals even further.

I'm enjoying my new work schedule. Although I have to start earlier, I get off earlier so I am able to see DH before he goes to bed. Speaking of work, I better get cruising to it. I'll try to check in more regularly, maybe even posting some of the not so nice news once I can process it in a more positive light.

Take care!

Making home made thin crust pizza, followed by creating a home made squirrel proof, bird feeding stand. Its just one of those days I feel like getting my hands into it.

I saw my first firefly of the season tonight. Happy Midsommar!

I'm reading How To Think Like Leonardo Da Vinci, Seven Steps To Genius Every Day, by Michael J Gelb. What are you reading?

Weekend Report 6/20/11

Is this really Monday? I'm coming off from a wonderful weekend.

Friday night I made DH his favorite home cooked meal to start our Father's Day weekend off right, haddock, smashed spuds with garlic and sweet corn. He loved it. We chilled out at home, watching a few episodes of House Hunters International and playing games with the boys.

Saturday we slept in, then got up to enjoy brunch and a little shopping out with the boys. I found a new comforter for our bed on sale at Kohl's, and I had an additional coupon for 20% off the sale price. Its been so long since we've had a blanket that wasn't a hand me down! 

Saturday night DH & I had date night. We drove to Slinger, Wisconsin for Slinger Rockfest. Our main purpose was to see Blind Melon! We arrived around 4:30 even though the festival started at 3:00pm. To our surprise, hardly anyone was there! We ended up with a parking spot in front, and had no problem walking right up to the stage rail for a great spot for the show. Most of the existing crowd was Ace Frehley fans in lawn chairs.

We saw The Love Hammers perform. Their lead singer is Marty Casey, who appeared on that show Rock Star INXS. The Love Hammers gave a great performance despite having to play to such a sparse crowd.

Next we saw The Last Vegas. I wasn't as impressed. Some of their songs were good, but about half were boring, generic rock.

Next up was our boys! By this time, the Melonheads equaled the number of Ace Frehley fans, however the Ace fans had arrived earlier with lawn chairs. I have never seen this at a concert before. They placed their lawn chairs in the middle and either sat in them the entire time, or would leave their chair empty, hoping it would be there when they returned. At one point a Melon fan asked if she could stand in the front just for Blind Melon, promising to move before Ace came on. She was denied, which was stupid because where she wanted to stand were two empty chairs. Those two Ace fans were absent the entire Blind Melon set.

If you are going to a concert, make an effort to connect with the performers even if you are not familiar with their music!! Those Ace fans sat in their lawn chairs the entire time, many with bored looks on their faces. I wasn't familiar with The Lovehammers or Last Vegas, but I stood up and payed attention.

We were positioned to the right of the stage and it was awesome when Travis, our band's lead singer jumped off the stage to walk over to us and sing to us! Another band member, Brad, recognized us and pointed us out from the stage!

"I see some long time Blind Melon fans are here tonight! Thank you!"

I was happy they knew we were there to support them, even if rude Ace fans, sitting in their lawn chairs were trying to kill the rock buzz. Here's video of one song, I Wonder. Notice the buzz killing Ace fans sitting in the front, ruining prime rock real estate. (We're just out of camera range on the right.)

Karma justice came when Ace decided he wasn't ready to go on, so our boys got to play extra long!!!

We made it home Saturday night, bringing home our gamers some late night donuts. We hung out, processed the concert and played games with our sons.

Sunday, after sleeping in once again of course, we got up to take DH to Outback for Father's Day. DMIL joined us and we had a great lunch.

Afterward we hit a used book store, followed by a free ice cream sundae for dad at Culvers. He actually gave me the sundae and ordered himself a shake. :) As good as hot fudge sundae's are, I have to remember how they make me feel afterward. I must stick to fruit & yogurt smoothies only! OUCH!

Sunday evening we digested. :) We chilled out, watching TV, playing a board game called Gambler, and watched a cheesy scare 80's movie, Waxwork.

We had such a great, full, fun weekend, but I wish it could have been longer.

In less than 24 hours, Blind Melon bliss with my Soul One. I can't wait!!

I Need Distractions

Cement trucks at 7:00am are not what I have in mind. Doesn't my village have a noise ordinance?

Maybe I'm just misdirecting my anger?

Yesterday I discovered the neighbor living behind us is a registered sex offender. In 1998 he plead guilty to second degree sexual assault of a child. He served 6 months and 7 years of probation. Now he's living behind us with his wife and baby.

I don't know the details. Could this have been a case of statutory rape? Maybe, but he would have been in his late 20's. The CREEP factor is still evident.

I'm trying to focus on the fact he made it through his probationary period without any trouble. He's a father now, and I do see an older woman visit his house almost everyday to help him with the baby.

I know it is better to know than not know, and actually, its the ones you don't know about that pose a greater risk. My neighbor has to register for life and be accountable.

I was angry yesterday learning all of this, but today I'm realizing, we're all still safe. This man has lived behind us for a year now and nothing has happened. My children know how to keep themselves safe. They actually took the news so much better than I did.

If you are interested in learning about offenders living near you, check out www.familywatchdog.us

If you are interested in looking up court records in Wisconsin, check out  http://wcca.wicourts.gov/index.xsl

I'm ready to move pass my anger today. I'll do this by staking my tomato plants!

I have other plans for distractions. We'll be working on a Father's day gift for DH, details of which I obviously cannot share at this time.

I'm going to focus on my family and my home.

Contagious brain cloud warning. I knew I've had it for a few days and this morning I see evidence I have passed it along to my offspring.

Educational Neglect Vs. Educational Nurturing (Unschooling)

"There's a fine line between educational neglect and unschooling." The person who said this, obviously does not understand exactly what unschooling is.

Educational neglect to me means you have failed to respect the natural instinct of every human being born with a curious, willful drive to learn about the world around them. Unschoolers look for ways to feed and facilitate this process rather than try to get in the way and control it.

For example, educational neglect is forcing a child to struggle to learn to read before they are ready, causing the child a great deal of stress and frustration during which the child learns to hate reading and develops self esteem and confidence issues. The Unschooler models reading from the day their child is born and trusts that in doing so, their child will naturally one day be curious enough to figure out what those words on the page are capable of.

I did not "teach" my children to read, yet they are reading books on their own now. It began with holding my baby in my lap and reading a picture book together. It continued with weekly trips to the library loading up the wagon with books. 3 books before bedtime was our thing, allowing us quality family time before drifting off to sleep. As they grew older, it was naturally more easy to begin to recognize words they saw on a regular basis. If they couldn't read something on their own, I read it for them.

Eventually, the natural progression of independence emerged as my children grew, ensuring that my children wanted to read on their own. Did this happen at age 5? No. I RESPECTED my children's own growth and development. I tried my best not to force them into something they just were not ready for. This is not neglect. This is nurture.

Being with them, truly knowing my children's desires, helped me find pathways for them to accomplish their goals. If I were a neglectful parent, I would not be so connected to them, involved in their lives and their interests.

I trust my children will learn what they need to, and they trust me because I'm the kind of parent who not only puts their needs first, but does so with love and respect. Spiders used to freak me out until my then 5 year old was fascinated with them. I overcame my fear and learned quite a bit about spiders, right alongside my son.

The person who said unschooling was educational neglect did so because he believed in order to learn, you have to know how to read. Reading is one way of learning information, but not the only way. In fact, some people learn better using other methods. An Unschooling parent understands this.

There are so many different ways to receive information and process it. As an Unschooling parent, you create an environment that allows for a safe, secure place in which your child may accomplish this. The definition of an unschooling parent is anything but neglectful because they often end up having no choice but to be very aware of who their children are and what they need.

For years, I made waffles and they watched me. One day, they wanted to place the waffles in the toaster themselves. Later they wanted to know where waffles came from. Where does the store get them? How do they make them at the Eggo plant? Can we make our own waffles? As the unschooling parent I was there, engaged and ready to help them find the answers they needed. Today they make their own waffles and sometimes make one for me too. :)

If I were a neglectful parent, I wouldn't help them find the answers they seek. If I were neglectful, I wouldn't allow them to use the toaster or take them to the grocery store. I wouldn't go to the effort to find a recipe for homemade waffles and gather ingredients. If I were truly neglectful, I would see we need food but decide I'm not going to provide any. 

An unschooling parent doesn't have to push their children into being curious and creative. Everyone is naturally born this way. An unschooling parent respects this and nurtures their child to allow them to become the autodidact they were born to be.

This Family Made My Night

I wish I would see more examples of good parenting like what I witnessed last night. A little boy began to cry and whine as his parents tried to leave the pool. The father had the patience to ask the little boy, "Please tell me what you are feeling with words so I can understand."

The boy tried to find the words, but returned to crying. The father asked his son in a soft, patient, loving voice, "Do you want to start over?"

The boy stopped crying, took a breath and then found the few words he needed to communicate to his parents that he wanted his older sister to be able to finish reading him the story she had been sharing with him.

The father replied, "Okay," and the sister picked up the book and finished reading. With respect and understanding, they waited for the story to finish before packing up their family.

This was so refreshing! To see a family respecting and supporting each other, rather than trying to control one another.  They understood this experience, the time requirement, it was all an investment in their relationship with each other. They were willing to be in the moment, to stop and adapt rather than worry about control.

What difference would it really make if they left the pool a few minutes later? None really. What difference would it really make if they listened to the needs of their children? Trust and respect continually built upon, establishing a foundation for your family's healthy future, that's the payoff.

I'm liking this rumble, but I need more precipitation.

Un-Scheduling

One question we unschoolers get often is, "What does a typical day look like in your home?"

For us, there is no typical day. Of course there are tasks and habits we follow each day, (we eat, play, clean, rest, in any given order), but we very much go with the flow where the river of life takes us.

I actually prefer not scheduling things to the clock. I may wake up and decide I want to go to the library, but I want the freedom to decide when it FEELS like the right time to go. So much of our living and learning is based on respecting what our minds and bodies need at the moment.

We try to connect to ourselves and each other, in such a way that we are ready to receive all that life has to offer. We're not running on autopilot when we are engaged. I believe we learn better this way.

In order to be able to connect and engage, we have to tend to our needs. We sleep when sleepy, we eat when hungry, we move when we feel kinetic. Our bodies and minds have their own biological clocks and this internal time piece changes as our needs change. Sometimes its more wound up than at other times. There are times we are excited to ride the rapids and other times we drop anchor or relax through calmer waters.

This is one reason why scheduling doesn't work so well for us. Not much in our lives is constant. We expect change and crave it. I think this has helped us learn to be very adaptive. I also believe this is why we tend to be successful in our pursuits. Aside from the obvious, we are passionate about our interests, the evolutionary process sometimes required to move through and towards your goal FEELS right to us, because we are used to and expecting change. We are not living our lives prisoner to the clock.

Following our own time tables does not mean we are disrespectful of the needs of others around us. Ask my boss how many times I've been late for work. She'll tell you I usually end up showing up a few minutes early before every shift. My son may appear to be a late sleeper, but our kitty has one of the cleanest litter boxes I've seen. He always cleans it first thing in the morning and before he goes to bed at night, without me having to ask him. He does this because he loves our cat and wants her to be healthy. He's found his own rhythm for getting done what he wants and needs to, while respecting the needs of others.

The portion of our time shared with others sometimes has to be scheduled, but this isn't difficult because so much of our time is exactly that, its OURS. We can balance that out.

I think if we were constantly scheduled we'd be exhausted and/or we'd have to switch to autopilot to function. We wouldn't be as creative because we'd worry about being in the box rather than outside of it.

Allowing ourselves the freedom to check within ourselves for what we're up for, helps us be more happy and healthy.

I Need A Time Machine

Don't worry. I wouldn't use it to pick up a sports almanac. I just have a few regrets in life.

My Uncle's pizzeria ~ How I wish I could have taken my husband and children there. It was a simple take out pizza place in Chicago, but I loved the smell of the place and of course the pizza was delicious. I regret not getting my uncle's recipe before he passed on. I could also use his advice right now on how to start a pizza business. There are no decent pizza places where we live now.

According to Doc Brown, we shouldn't try to see our future/past selves because it could disrupt the space-time continuum. I'm willing to risk this though to encourage my past self to stay home with son #1. I put him in daycare at 12 weeks and he was there until son #2 came along 3 years later. My oldest still has memories of daycare. He tolerated it, but didn't like it. I can't get those 3 years of my son's life back. I gave away those 3 years to daycare employees, and although they did a great job taking care of him, it wasn't the same as the unconditional love of a parent. (I also should have left my stressful full-time career for my own health reasons.)

Thinking of the boys, I wish I would have taken way more photos and video. In hind sight, having too many baby pictures is impossible.

Thinking of babies, I wish I wouldn't have waited to start our family. We waited for a certain income level before going for it, and didn't have our first child until age 27. I didn't know how difficult it was going to be to conceive and carry to full term. I'm grateful for the two I ended up with, and I suppose the Lord knew what He was doing. He probably spared my body and my marriage the stress of having a fuller nest.

Speaking of nests, although the boys are happy we live in a subdivision, (access to the neighborhood posse), I wish we would have invested in a farmette. More land to grow stuff, chickies laying eggs, I'm discovering there's a farm girl inside of me, feeling trapped by suburbia.

I think I'd also use the time machine to go back to age 18 and tell then boyfriend/future husband, "Let's go check out that Nirvana show." I'd also time travel back to Blind Melon shows. Its tragic those so talented are lost to artificial influences. Actually there are many artists I wish I could go back and convince them to change their lifestyles before its too late.