It's been a roller coaster, up and down, but I'm hopeful I've finally figured out how to ride this. Last weekend I probably over did it, thinking I could sit long enough to enjoy a car ride and lunch out with my family. After a few days of trying to sit, even in soft chairs, I felt a huge set back, having more pain and frustration.
The past two days I've made a point not to sit, even in a soft chair. I'm either on my back or up walking. I still experience painful jolts of sharp pain if I move ever so slightly in a direction my spinal nerve doesn't want me to. I'm just happy I can find a semi-comfortable position so I'm not always in tears.
Its been very difficult letting go of all my responsibilities. It feels terrible asking for help even for simple things and watching my husband and family pick up my share of chores just depresses me. I've been better about not reaching and bending these past two days, and I do notice a difference. I just have to give this time and hope one day I will function again. Feeling like I do now, its difficult to believe I will ever feel normal again.
Tomorrow I will see the neurosurgeon nurse and hopefully she'll remove my stitches. Although I've enjoyed using my new happy, sunny yellow, wash clothes my co-workers sent me, I am looking forward to leaving sponge baths behind and enjoying a real shower. In fact, I'm predicting it will be the longest shower I have ever taken!! Before surgery, I was a shower every day at least once if not twice, type of person.
I'm fighting depression by thinking about things I will do again once I've recovered. I can't wait to walk my dog, go on family hikes, kidnap my husband away for a weekend to thank him for everything he's been doing for me, take my kids to the Kalahari, and I'm hoping to be well enough to participate in the March Of Dimes. I have a new sympathy for spinal disorders.
I've also found it interesting my MRIs have shown I have the same Chiari type malformation that my son was diagnosed with and I have a slight scoliosis. I consider myself very fortunate to not have suffered symptoms of these conditions.
1 comment:
Thank you for sharing your journey with us, Dawn. I'm glad to hear that you are doing better at not trying to push yourself to do things you should not be doing yet. Praying that the stitches come out tomorrow and you get that shower. I know how good a shower feels, even after just a few days of being sick. It will be a healing thing for you!! This, too, will pass. You will be hiking again and walking the dog. You will.
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